Okay - so first off - today, I discovered the OFFICIAL BOOK BAZAAR THREADOPEDIA. Never mind that it's been here the whole time - I just discovered it.
http://www.kboards.com/index.php/topic,15146.0.html
Cool, I said. A thread for each genre. There's your romance and there's your mystery and there's your science fiction and...
Wait a minute.
Where's the freaking horror?
Now - as most of you horror writers know we live in a bit of a socially-imposed ghetto. I mean - just think about it. How many times have you been asked - "So, what do YOU write?" - and you say "Horror." - and they say "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh...you mean like Steven King?"
(And the people who ALWAYS ask that "...like Steven King?" question NEVER get the spelling right and don't ask me HOW I know that they are saying "Steven King" instead of "Stephen King" because it' s kind of like a pronunciation thing and it's kind of like an "I feel STEVEN KING vibes" sort of thing and it's sort of like a "Well, you just had to have been there" sort of thing.)
And then they sort of look at you like they've caught you playing with Cabbage Patch Dolls in the football locker room and they sort of slide a long slow booger of contemptuous loathing down the left hand side of the bridge of their nose in your general direction and say something like "Well, I actually NEVER read horror.".
You think about it. I know a lot of you erotica writers moan and groan regularly about being in the "ADULT DUNGEON" but we horror writers are at least about three or four thousand sub-sub-sub-basements below you erotica writers - AND WE FREAKING KNOW IT BECAUSE WE CAN HEAR YOU MOANING THROUGH THE CEILING OVER OUR FREAKING HORROR-WRITING HEADS!!!
So I dropped a message to Betsy and she was all sort of "Oh, it's one of you horror writers and did someone REALLY invite you to Kboards or did you bribe the security guard or just pole vault over the attack dog pen?" and she said she would look into it and then she got back to me and said "You know - I actually THOUGHT there WAS a horror-only thread but it's probably lying somewhere maybe hidden under a moldy quilt and so why don't you go and start a thread you nasty horror person you."
So here it is.
The K-boards Official REAL FREAKY BOOGA-BOOGA HORROR THREAD!!!
(even though I know that Ann or Betsy or Harvey are likely going to turn over the original KBOARD's HORROR THREAD right after I start this one - most likely hidden underneath a suspicious looking clump of cat doo-doo in the litter box belonging to Harvey's siamese cat Wilbur - third clot to the left and straight on until corny)
And - to start it off I want to tell all of you folks about a REALLY cool novella that I have written that involves a bitter suicidally-depressed ex-cop (maybe) who joins up with Coyote the Trickster to fight a genuine Scandinavian Troll in the heart of rural Nova Scotia.
The novella is called TROLLING LURES and it usually is priced at $2.99 but I have it marked down for this coming week at the low, low price of 99 CENTS!
Here's what folks are saying about TROLLING LURES.
So go and buy a copy right now while it is cheap or I am just going to keep typing and typing and typing until my hands cramp...OUCH!!!
(edited to add a link to TROLLING LURES - some horror hustling salesman I am http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00E6081TW)
http://www.kboards.com/index.php/topic,15146.0.html
Cool, I said. A thread for each genre. There's your romance and there's your mystery and there's your science fiction and...
Wait a minute.
Where's the freaking horror?
Now - as most of you horror writers know we live in a bit of a socially-imposed ghetto. I mean - just think about it. How many times have you been asked - "So, what do YOU write?" - and you say "Horror." - and they say "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh...you mean like Steven King?"
(And the people who ALWAYS ask that "...like Steven King?" question NEVER get the spelling right and don't ask me HOW I know that they are saying "Steven King" instead of "Stephen King" because it' s kind of like a pronunciation thing and it's kind of like an "I feel STEVEN KING vibes" sort of thing and it's sort of like a "Well, you just had to have been there" sort of thing.)
And then they sort of look at you like they've caught you playing with Cabbage Patch Dolls in the football locker room and they sort of slide a long slow booger of contemptuous loathing down the left hand side of the bridge of their nose in your general direction and say something like "Well, I actually NEVER read horror.".
You think about it. I know a lot of you erotica writers moan and groan regularly about being in the "ADULT DUNGEON" but we horror writers are at least about three or four thousand sub-sub-sub-basements below you erotica writers - AND WE FREAKING KNOW IT BECAUSE WE CAN HEAR YOU MOANING THROUGH THE CEILING OVER OUR FREAKING HORROR-WRITING HEADS!!!
So I dropped a message to Betsy and she was all sort of "Oh, it's one of you horror writers and did someone REALLY invite you to Kboards or did you bribe the security guard or just pole vault over the attack dog pen?" and she said she would look into it and then she got back to me and said "You know - I actually THOUGHT there WAS a horror-only thread but it's probably lying somewhere maybe hidden under a moldy quilt and so why don't you go and start a thread you nasty horror person you."
So here it is.
The K-boards Official REAL FREAKY BOOGA-BOOGA HORROR THREAD!!!
(even though I know that Ann or Betsy or Harvey are likely going to turn over the original KBOARD's HORROR THREAD right after I start this one - most likely hidden underneath a suspicious looking clump of cat doo-doo in the litter box belonging to Harvey's siamese cat Wilbur - third clot to the left and straight on until corny)
And - to start it off I want to tell all of you folks about a REALLY cool novella that I have written that involves a bitter suicidally-depressed ex-cop (maybe) who joins up with Coyote the Trickster to fight a genuine Scandinavian Troll in the heart of rural Nova Scotia.
The novella is called TROLLING LURES and it usually is priced at $2.99 but I have it marked down for this coming week at the low, low price of 99 CENTS!
Here's what folks are saying about TROLLING LURES.
I am REALLY excited because TROLLING LURES is currently sitting at - #15 in Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Literature & Fiction > Mythology & Folk Tales > Folklore - (a category which was ALSO hidden beneath a Siamese Cat turd in the bottom a rummage sale leftover cat-poop box)
So go and buy a copy right now while it is cheap or I am just going to keep typing and typing and typing until my hands cramp...OUCH!!!
(edited to add a link to TROLLING LURES - some horror hustling salesman I am http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00E6081TW)