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Author Topic: More Chuck Wendig: Self-publishing is not the minor leagues.  (Read 31948 times)  

Offline The world would be prettier with more zebra stripes in it.

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Re: More Chuck Wendig: Self-publishing is not the minor leagues.
« Reply #300 on: January 29, 2014, 04:30:00 AM »
Finished my popcorn.  This movie is dragging on too long.

I don't agree with Chuck's position, but let's say we all did.  We on this thread said, "Yes, Chuck Wendig, you are correct.  Such a culture exists.  We've not been trying hard enough to make sure self-pubbed books look professional.  Let's fix it!"

What would such a fix consist of?  First of all, we don't have judges for what's professional, good enough, or demonstrates enough effort.  Secondly, how would we enforce it? 

'Night all!  Thanks for the entertainment.

[Watches the credits roll and wonders if there will be any funny outtakes.]   :P
The judge is goodreads. We could enforce by having gr strike lightning among the author that has disappointed any readers there.

Omg, even Chuck failed that one.  :P

How much wood could a wendig Chuck if Chuck wendig could Chuck wood? I dunno but he caused some excitement around here. ;D
MY FAVORITE BOOKS!!:)

Offline vrabinec

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Re: More Chuck Wendig: Self-publishing is not the minor leagues.
« Reply #301 on: January 29, 2014, 05:47:03 AM »

I don't agree with Chuck's position, but let's say we all did.  We on this thread said, "Yes, Chuck Wendig, you are correct.  Such a culture exists.  We've not been trying hard enough to make sure self-pubbed books look professional.  Let's fix it!"

What would such a fix consist of?  First of all, we don't have judges for what's professional, good enough, or demonstrates enough effort.  Secondly, how would we enforce it? 



Okay, so I called Jazzy last night -- that's my nickname for Bezos, we go way back -- and, surprisingly, he thinks there should be minimum standards of professionalism. Here's what we came up with:

1. One typo allowed per every 3500 words.

2. One dangling participle allowed per story.

3. One homonym confusion allowed per 50,000 words.

4. No more dream sequences to open the chapter and fake out the reader. Jazzy was adamant about this one.

5. No more stories that open with the main character opening his/her eyes to the alarm. Jeff says he's tired of it.

6. All erotica stories will have a Czech named Fred who is more generously endowed than any other guy in the story, and who has flawless lovemaking technique.

7. All romance stories will have a Czech named Fred who is more generously endowed than any other guy in the story, and who has flawless lovemaking technique.

8. All rom coms will have a Czech named Fred who is more generously endowed than any other guy in the story, and who has flawless lovemaking technique.

9. Requirements 6, 7, and 8 are waived for M/M. (Jazzy didn't want to get too restrictive.)

10. All stories will have a woman who undresses and warbles her boson....wait, I can't read Jazzy's handwriting, it's like chicken scratch on this napkin, oh, that should be "wiggles her bosom"

11. F/F stories will have two women who undress and wiggle their bosoms, standing face-to-face, making a slappy sound with their, uh, you know.

12. Sentence fragments are allowed. We went back and forth on this. At first, he didn't want to, but I said, "Jazzy, dude, you gotta let writers be writers." So he conceded. There will be a reasonable allotment of sentence fragments. Each book will be reviewed by a panel of judges consisting of myself and eight others.

13. Deus ex machine IS allowed. I repeat, deus ex machine IS allowed. Jazzy said something about King and The Stand making gobs of money, so it's in.

14. If a book has had 10 returns, it is automatically pulled off the site. Now, that's gonna make it tough on those books that sell a ton of copies, so be careful to write books that fall in the 9 return range at most. Jeff and I thought it was too important not to address.

All these rules will be enforced. If authors stray, Jazzy said he's gonna send drones. I don't know what that means, but I wouldn't want to find out, so toe the line, people.




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Offline Susan Kaye Quinn

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Re: More Chuck Wendig: Self-publishing is not the minor leagues.
« Reply #302 on: January 29, 2014, 05:53:30 AM »
Okay, so I called Jazzy last night -- that's my nickname for Bezos, we go way back -- and, surprisingly, he thinks there should be minimum standards of professionalism. Here's what we came up with:

1. One typo allowed per every 3500 words.

2. One dangling participle allowed per story.

3. One homonym confusion allowed per 50,000 words.

4. No more dream sequences to open the chapter and fake out the reader. Jazzy was adamant about this one.

5. No more stories that open with the main character opening his/her eyes to the alarm. Jeff says he's tired of it.

6. All erotica stories will have a Czech named Fred who is more generously endowed than any other guy in the story, and who has flawless lovemaking technique.

7. All romance stories will have a Czech named Fred who is more generously endowed than any other guy in the story, and who has flawless lovemaking technique.

8. All rom coms will have a Czech named Fred who is more generously endowed than any other guy in the story, and who has flawless lovemaking technique.

9. Requirements 6, 7, and 8 are waived for M/M. (Jazzy didn't want to get too restrictive.)

10. All stories will have a woman who undresses and warbles her boson....wait, I can't read Jazzy's handwriting, it's like chicken scratch on this napkin, oh, that should be "wiggles her bosom"

11. F/F stories will have two women who undress and wiggle their bosoms, standing face-to-face, making a slappy sound with their, uh, you know.

12. Sentence fragments are allowed. We went back and forth on this. At first, he didn't want to, but I said, "Jazzy, dude, you gotta let writers be writers." So he conceded. There will be a reasonable allotment of sentence fragments. Each book will be reviewed by a panel of judges consisting of myself and eight others.

13. Deus ex machine IS allowed. I repeat, deus ex machine IS allowed. Jazzy said something about King and The Stand making gobs of money, so it's in.

14. If a book has had 10 returns, it is automatically pulled off the site. Now, that's gonna make it tough on those books that sell a ton of copies, so be careful to write books that fall in the 9 return range at most. Jeff and I thought it was too important not to address.

All these rules will be enforced. If authors stray, Jazzy said he's gonna send drones. I don't know what that means, but I wouldn't want to find out, so toe the line, people.





This wins the entire thread.  ;D
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Offline RobCornell

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Re: More Chuck Wendig: Self-publishing is not the minor leagues.
« Reply #303 on: January 29, 2014, 07:44:43 AM »
This wins the entire thread.  ;D

Agreed! All hail Jazzy Jeff Bezos.  :-*

Offline Key

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Re: More Chuck Wendig: Self-publishing is not the minor leagues.
« Reply #304 on: January 29, 2014, 07:55:20 AM »
I literally LOL'd.   :D ;D ;) ;)  8)

Offline JRTomlin

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Re: More Chuck Wendig: Self-publishing is not the minor leagues.
« Reply #305 on: January 29, 2014, 09:23:20 AM »
Okay, so I called Jazzy last night -- that's my nickname for Bezos, we go way back -- and, surprisingly, he thinks there should be minimum standards of professionalism. Here's what we came up with:

1. One typo allowed per every 3500 words.

2. One dangling participle allowed per story.

3. One homonym confusion allowed per 50,000 words.

4. No more dream sequences to open the chapter and fake out the reader. Jazzy was adamant about this one.

5. No more stories that open with the main character opening his/her eyes to the alarm. Jeff says he's tired of it.

6. All erotica stories will have a Czech named Fred who is more generously endowed than any other guy in the story, and who has flawless lovemaking technique.

7. All romance stories will have a Czech named Fred who is more generously endowed than any other guy in the story, and who has flawless lovemaking technique.

8. All rom coms will have a Czech named Fred who is more generously endowed than any other guy in the story, and who has flawless lovemaking technique.

9. Requirements 6, 7, and 8 are waived for M/M. (Jazzy didn't want to get too restrictive.)

10. All stories will have a woman who undresses and warbles her boson....wait, I can't read Jazzy's handwriting, it's like chicken scratch on this napkin, oh, that should be "wiggles her bosom"

11. F/F stories will have two women who undress and wiggle their bosoms, standing face-to-face, making a slappy sound with their, uh, you know.

12. Sentence fragments are allowed. We went back and forth on this. At first, he didn't want to, but I said, "Jazzy, dude, you gotta let writers be writers." So he conceded. There will be a reasonable allotment of sentence fragments. Each book will be reviewed by a panel of judges consisting of myself and eight others.

13. Deus ex machine IS allowed. I repeat, deus ex machine IS allowed. Jazzy said something about King and The Stand making gobs of money, so it's in.

14. If a book has had 10 returns, it is automatically pulled off the site. Now, that's gonna make it tough on those books that sell a ton of copies, so be careful to write books that fall in the 9 return range at most. Jeff and I thought it was too important not to address.

All these rules will be enforced. If authors stray, Jazzy said he's gonna send drones. I don't know what that means, but I wouldn't want to find out, so toe the line, people.




Thanks for clearing that up.


Saor Alba
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Offline Cherise

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Re: More Chuck Wendig: Self-publishing is not the minor leagues.
« Reply #306 on: January 29, 2014, 10:46:51 AM »



Must. Stop. Watching.



Offline Betsy the Quilter

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Re: More Chuck Wendig: Self-publishing is not the minor leagues.
« Reply #307 on: January 29, 2014, 10:51:38 AM »
Folks, since no one is bringing any new thoughts to the thread, and it has devolved into silliness, I'm going to go ahead and lock the thread as having officially jumped the shark.

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