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Stone and Silt
by Harvey Chute

$2.99
Kindle Edition published 2013-08-14
Bestseller ranking: 713665

Product Description
Big Al's Books & Pals 2014 Readers' Choice Awards: Young Adult Nominee

A ruthless murder and a stolen shipment of gold.

At school, sixteen-year-old Nikaia Wales endures the taunts of bullies who call her a “half-breed.” At home, she worries about how her family will react if she reveals her growing feelings for the quiet boy next door.

Those are soon the least of her troubles. Nikaia discovers a hidden cache of gold, and when police find a corpse nearby, her father becomes a suspect. Worse, Elias Doyle is circling, hungry to avenge his brother’s death.

Nikaia desperately searches for clues to save her father. In her quest to find the killer, she learns about the power of family, friendship, and young love....

Author Topic: Blurb Help  (Read 224 times)  

Offline monicacorwin

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    • Monica Corwin
Blurb Help
« on: July 28, 2016, 11:14:36 AM »
Hello everyone,

I'm currently crafting a blurb for my next release. I am having a bit of trouble and I wonder if anyone can give me some feedback. This book will be an urban fantasy. Feel free to offer any critique I don't get offended when it comes to improving my work and I know this one is a bit rough.

HERE IS A SECOND DRAFT:

Humanity stands on the brink of destructionits only salvation is to embrace a life half-human and half-animal

Wren Boligra spends her days as a white hate hacktivist. One of the few who stares into the pit of humanity and tries to do something about it. She assumed her seclusion would protect her from the plague ravaging the country, but shes never been that lucky. As the illness grows worse she makes the choice everyone else is faced with: die as a human or live as an animal.

Since his sixteenth birthday, Dylan Niran knew, as one of the last dragon born, he would one day lead The Moonlight Council. Now the face of revolution, Dylan has taken on many new responsibilities: protecting council members from the clutches of the evil anti-shifter coalition, Hominum, babysitting criminal hackers who cant even manage a proper shift, as well as continuing the merge of human and shifter kind to preserve Earths population.

Wren and Dylan use their respective gifts to fight Hominum and keep the merge on track. As council members begin to go missing the pair has to put aside their mutual hostility, and simmering attraction, to save those who are left before the merge fails and the human population is lost forever.

Thank you so much for your help.
M
« Last Edit: July 28, 2016, 12:20:31 PM by monicacorwin »

Offline Max Zsol

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Re: Blurb Help
« Reply #1 on: July 28, 2016, 04:46:28 PM »
It reads fairly well. The beginning and the end are the strongest. The setup is direct and the closing introduces romance and conflict.

The middle is a bit confusing. Some detail seems unnecessary and doesn't help sell the story. (eg: "One of the few who stares into the pit of humanity and tries to do something about it.") The two characters could be better defined, more succinctly but more clearly. I was confused about the idea of humans, half-humans and half-animals, dragons and animals. You could more clearly state if we are talking about humans acquiring animal attributes, or entirely turning into animals, and explaining how dragons fit into this world.

Regarding capturing the readers interest, I would try to be more clear on what the conflict for Wren is. Does she reject the idea of human-animals but falls in love with a human-dragon? Does she want to remain a human but is doomed to die if so? Etc.

TL;DR: great content, simplify the text, describe the world in more detail and state the conflict of the characters more clearly.

Looks like you have an interesting story there. Good luck!
Max Zsol: maxzsol.com | twitter

Offline monicacorwin

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Re: Blurb Help
« Reply #2 on: July 28, 2016, 05:29:23 PM »
Thank you so much for the feedback, Max. I'll give those suggestions a try!