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The Sun God's Heir: Return (Book One)
by Elliott Baker


Kindle Edition published 2017-01-02
Bestseller ranking:

Product Description
For three thousand years a hatred burns. In seventeenth century Bordeaux two souls incarnate, one born the child of a prosperous merchant, the other, steals a life determined to continue a brutal incarnation begun long ago.

Under the guidance of Pharaoh, two brothers grew strong in knowledge and power, one a physician, the other a general. With the pharaoh’s untimely death, a deep hatred blossoms. One remembers, one does not.

The year is 1671. René Gilbert’s destiny glints from the blade of a slashing rapier. To protect those he loves he must regain the power and knowledge earned in an ancient lifetime. From Bordeaux to Spain to Morocco, René is tested and with each turn of fate he gathers enemies and allies as the memory and power of a lifetime as physician to Pharaoh returns.

Determined to continue a reign of terror that once caused the Nile to run red, Horemheb takes over the life of a young man mortally wo…

Author Topic: Psychological drama blurb...please give brutal feedback  (Read 219 times)  

Offline jsaxon

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Psychological drama blurb...please give brutal feedback
« on: July 21, 2017, 02:44:10 PM »
An uncomfortably close examination of Ben Addison. An alcoholic retail manager with nothing but regrets.

The night finally comes when the whiskey isn't enough.

But Ben can't even get his suicide right--a homeless stranger manages to break into his home and somehow save his life. At first furious and full of hatred, Ben soon forms a bond with the man based on mutual misery. The bond carries the two men across three states on a nostalgia-fueled journey to find something to hang onto. Revealing conversations in seedy motel rooms give Ben a reason to hang on, at least temporarily.

But when Ben finally reaches his destination, he has to decide if he's willing to destroy somebody else's life to reclaim his own.

Jack Saxon | Flash Fiction Blog

Offline Shalini Boland

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Re: Psychological drama blurb...please give brutal feedback
« Reply #1 on: July 21, 2017, 04:30:37 PM »
It's sounds like an intriguing story. I'd flip the blurb around...

Would you destroy someone else's life to reclaim your own?

Ben Addison is a retail manager with nothing but regrets. The night finally comes when whiskey isn't enough. But Ben can't even get his suicide right.

When a homeless stranger saves his life, they form a bond that takes them across three states, giving Ben a reason to hang on, at least temporarily. But how well do they really know each other?

When Ben reaches his destination, he'll have to decide whose life is more important...


Uncomfortable and tense, this psychological drama will keep you hooked until you turn the final page.

The penultimate line isn't quite right, and it could do with another juicy bit of plot somewhere in the blurb, but that's how I'd approach it.

Shalini Boland | Blog | Facebook | Twitter | New Releases

Offline C. Gold

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Re: Psychological drama blurb...please give brutal feedback
« Reply #2 on: July 21, 2017, 04:50:23 PM »
It's sounds like an intriguing story. I'd flip the blurb around...

Would you destroy someone else's life to reclaim your own?

Ben Addison is a retail manager with nothing but regrets. The night finally comes when whiskey isn't enough. But Ben can't even get his suicide right.

When a homeless stranger saves his life, they form a bond that takes them across three states, giving Ben a reason to hang on, at least temporarily. But how well do they really know each other?

When Ben reaches his destination, he'll have to decide whose life is more important...


Uncomfortable and tense, this psychological drama will keep you hooked until you turn the final page.

The penultimate line isn't quite right, and it could do with another juicy bit of plot somewhere in the blurb, but that's how I'd approach it.
Yah, I was feeling this until the attempt to talk to the reader.

Though maybe the destination part needs to be nixed because it sounds like this is at the end of the story. The blurb should only contain the initial setup. Maybe a vague hint at deadly consequences to come.

I love the sentence 'But how well do they really know each other?' That feels good and eerie.

Offline jsaxon

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Re: Psychological drama blurb...please give brutal feedback
« Reply #3 on: July 21, 2017, 06:56:17 PM »
Thanks! Let me work with this a bit...

Jack Saxon | Flash Fiction Blog