Why not Join Amazon Kindle Unlimited 30-Day Free Trial?
KB Featured
TBD
by TBD

$0.00
Kindle Edition published 2016-01-12
Bestseller ranking: 757432

Product Description
With the odd disappearance of her parents, Gussie Gibson has lived her entire life with her granny on a peaceful pecan orchard, owned by the meanest man in all of Georgia—Mr. J.P. Combs. Granny teaches Gussie many valuable life lessons as a black woman growing up in the still-segregated south. Mr. Combs is an evil underhanded banker who takes liberties beyond his privilege. When Granny dies, Combs informs Gussie she owes him back rent—but he wants much more than money for payment—and more than Gussie can live with.
After defending herself against his sexual advances, Gussie flees to escape certain vigilante justice when she meets a charming, handsome stranger, Sam Johnson, who is just returning from World War II.
Gussie and Sam’s friendship is short-lived when Mr. Combs hunts her down and drags her back to Green Ridge, driven by his craving for revenge and a grudge too deep to comprehend. Gussie fights to return to Sam and his lo...

Author Topic: Blurb Help for Urban Fantasy Romance  (Read 601 times)  

Offline RosalieLario

  • Status: Madeleine L'Engle
  • **
  • Posts: 54
  • Gender: Female
  • Florida
    • View Profile
    • Rosalie Lario, Paranormal Romance Author
Blurb Help for Urban Fantasy Romance
« on: March 30, 2017, 09:34:44 AM »
Hi everyone, I'm a longtime lurker, occasional poster. I'm trying to come up with a blurb for a new novel I've written. It's an urban fantasy with strong romantic elements (urban fantasy romance, if you will). If you have a moment, I would really appreciate feedback on the two blurbs I've posted below. I'm leaning toward the second one, which has a bit more focus on the romance, but I'd love some other opinions. And thanks so much in advance!

Option 1:

Jewel Harris is an ordinary girl having your typical college experience, or so she thought. After an explosive run-in with Luc Zain, the sexiest guy on campus, she finds out nothing in her life is normalincluding her. She is an elemental, a powerful being from an alternate dimension who can bend light to her will.

Betrayed by those closest to her, Jewel is forced learn the rules of a whole new world. A magical one where people can shoot lightning from their fingertips, blend into the shadows, or steal life force with a simple kiss. Where elemental guardians are the only thing preventing domination by the Nether world. And somehow, shes at the center of it all. The dark prince wants her and only herand hell stop at nothing to get her.

With the help of Luca wholly irresistible guardian whos hiding secrets of his own, and a group of protectors who have powers shes never dreamed of, Jewel will have to uncover the mystery behind her legacy. Because its not just her freedom on the lineits her very existence.


Option 2:

Jewel Harris is an ordinary girl having your typical college experience, or so she thought. After an explosive run-in with Luc Zain, the sexiest guy on campus, she finds out nothing in her life is normalincluding her. She is an elemental, a powerful being from an alternate dimension who can bend light to her will.

Betrayed by those closest to her, Jewel is forced learn the rules of a whole new world. A magical one where people can shoot lightning from their fingertips, blend into the shadows of darkness, or steal life force with a simple kiss. Where elemental guardians are the only thing preventing domination by the Nether world. And somehow, shes at the center of it all.

With the help of Luca wholly irresistible guardian whos hiding secrets of his own, and a group of protectors who have powers shes never dreamed of, Jewel will be required to uncover the mystery behind her legacy, all while resisting the fiery temptation of Lucs touch. Hes trouble she doesnt need right now, because for some reason the dark prince wants her and only herand hell stop at nothing to get her.
« Last Edit: March 30, 2017, 11:15:26 AM by RosalieLario »

Offline RosalieLario

  • Status: Madeleine L'Engle
  • **
  • Posts: 54
  • Gender: Female
  • Florida
    • View Profile
    • Rosalie Lario, Paranormal Romance Author
Re: Blurb Help Please?
« Reply #1 on: March 30, 2017, 09:46:34 AM »
Also how do I replace all the question marks with the commas they are supposed to be? Lol. :P

Offline JaclynDolamore

  • Status: Arthur Conan Doyle
  • ****
  • Posts: 548
    • View Profile
Re: Blurb Help for Urban Fantasy Romance
« Reply #2 on: March 30, 2017, 03:15:46 PM »
I like the second one too because there is more of an intriguing, specific conflict set up in Luc vs. dark prince. Honestly, I don't see much change needed. Seems on-point for the genre and nothing is confusing.

Jaclyn Dolamore | Blog | Facebook | Twitter

Offline RosalieLario

  • Status: Madeleine L'Engle
  • **
  • Posts: 54
  • Gender: Female
  • Florida
    • View Profile
    • Rosalie Lario, Paranormal Romance Author
Re: Blurb Help for Urban Fantasy Romance
« Reply #3 on: March 31, 2017, 05:07:43 AM »
Thanks so much for your feedback, Jaclyn!  ;D

Offline David J Normoyle

  • Status: Arthur Conan Doyle
  • ****
  • Posts: 811
    • View Profile
    • David J Normoyle
Re: Blurb Help Please?
« Reply #4 on: March 31, 2017, 05:13:55 AM »
Also how do I replace all the question marks with the commas they are supposed to be? Lol. :P

A tool like this: https://dan.hersam.com/tools/smart-quotes.html

Option 1:

Jewel Harris is an ordinary girl having your typical college experience, or so she thought. After an explosive run-in with Luc Zain, the sexiest guy on campus, she finds out nothing in her life is normal...including her. She is an elemental, a powerful being from an alternate dimension who can bend light to her will.

Betrayed by those closest to her, Jewel is forced learn the rules of a whole new world. A magical one where people can shoot lightning from their fingertips, blend into the shadows, or steal life force with a simple kiss. Where elemental guardians are the only thing preventing domination by the Nether world. And somehow, she's at the center of it all. The dark prince wants her and only her...and he'll stop at nothing to get her.

With the help of Luc--a wholly irresistible guardian who's hiding secrets of his own, and a group of protectors who have powers she's never dreamed of, Jewel will have to uncover the mystery behind her legacy. Because it's not just her freedom on the line...it's her very existence.


Option 2:

Jewel Harris is an ordinary girl having your typical college experience, or so she thought. After an explosive run-in with Luc Zain, the sexiest guy on campus, she finds out nothing in her life is normal...including her. She is an elemental, a powerful being from an alternate dimension who can bend light to her will.

Betrayed by those closest to her, Jewel is forced learn the rules of a whole new world. A magical one where people can shoot lightning from their fingertips, blend into the shadows of darkness, or steal life force with a simple kiss. Where elemental guardians are the only thing preventing domination by the Nether world. And somehow, she's at the center of it all.

With the help of Luc--a wholly irresistible guardian who's hiding secrets of his own, and a group of protectors who have powers she's never dreamed of, Jewel will be required to uncover the mystery behind her legacy, all while resisting the fiery temptation of Luc's touch. He's trouble she doesn't need right now, because for some reason the dark prince wants her and only her...and he'll stop at nothing to get her.


David J. Normoyle | website | facebook

Offline plumstead

  • Status: Madeleine L'Engle
  • **
  • Posts: 72
  • Gender: Female
  • Canada
    • View Profile
Re: Blurb Help for Urban Fantasy Romance
« Reply #5 on: March 31, 2017, 05:53:12 AM »
I prefer the second blurb, too. I did get tripped up on the dark prince. On my initial skim, I read that as a reference to Luc. Can you introduce the dark prince when you mention the Netherworld? "....Where elemental guardians are the only thing preventing domination by the dark prince of the Nether world."

Offline David J Normoyle

  • Status: Arthur Conan Doyle
  • ****
  • Posts: 811
    • View Profile
    • David J Normoyle
Re: Blurb Help for Urban Fantasy Romance
« Reply #6 on: March 31, 2017, 05:58:28 AM »
I agree with the poster earlier that it's pretty good, and that the second version was best. I made a few tweaks in a small rewrite--maybe some of them will help.
---
Jewel Harris is an ordinary girl having a typical college experience, until an explosive run-in with Luc Zain, the sexiest guy on campus, shows that nothing in her life is normal...including her. She is an elemental, a powerful being from an alternate dimension who can bend light to her will.

She enters a world where people can blend into shadows, shoot lightning from fingertips, or steal life force with a kiss. After being betrayed by those closest to her, Jewel learns she's at the center of a battle to prevent domination by the dark prince of the Nether world. With the help of Luc--a wholly irresistible guardian who's hiding secrets of his own--and a group of protectors who have powers she's never dreamed of, Jewel will need to uncover the mystery behind her legacy, all while resisting the fiery temptation of Luc's touch.

And Luc's not the only complication. The dark prince desires her and only her...and he'll stop at nothing to get what he wants.
« Last Edit: March 31, 2017, 06:05:04 AM by David J Normoyle »


David J. Normoyle | website | facebook

Offline RosalieLario

  • Status: Madeleine L'Engle
  • **
  • Posts: 54
  • Gender: Female
  • Florida
    • View Profile
    • Rosalie Lario, Paranormal Romance Author
Re: Blurb Help for Urban Fantasy Romance
« Reply #7 on: March 31, 2017, 07:05:34 AM »
I appreciate the feedback. David, your tweaks were excellent. Thank you!!

Offline Jack Krenneck

  • Status: Arthur Conan Doyle
  • ****
  • Posts: 517
    • View Profile
Re: Blurb Help for Urban Fantasy Romance
« Reply #8 on: March 31, 2017, 01:15:43 PM »
It's not my genre, but I think both blurbs are good. The second one is a little better, especially at the end.

One thing stands out though. The blurbs are coming very much from an arm's length editorial voice. Everything is filtered through that voice, and while this is common enough in some genres, it doesn't seem to be in urban fantasy. Not sure if urban fantasy romance is different again though.

So, my advice is to keep the structure and hooks that you already have in the blurb, but to remove all the distancing elements ("she thought" is the most obvious one, but there are plenty more) and retell the same thing from deep inside Jewel's point of view. Bring her voice out, bring her thoughts out, unfiltered. I think that will make your blurb much better, and also more competitive in the urban fantasy market.

Hope that helps!

Offline JMorgan

  • Status: Dr. Seuss
  • *
  • Posts: 14
    • View Profile
Re: Blurb Help for Urban Fantasy Romance
« Reply #9 on: April 01, 2017, 07:55:23 AM »
Ahhh! Where's the emoji with the heart eyes? Oh, there isn't one. Well. *Huffs* I freaking love seeing new books about Elementals. (Guess what mine are about? Ha. But heavier on the romance.)

I think you've got some good feedback on your blurb. Your instincts were right, the second one is fractionally better, but I do agree with Jack. Get closer and more emotional. You have great bones.
One exercise that might help to get deeper is to write it in 1st, with her speaking. Then you can change all the I's to she's later if you wish. I need to do the same thing actually and re-work my blurb, but...What's that saying? Do as I say and not as I do? :p

When you get this book out, send me a PM and I will share it to my (admittedly small) newsletter. I have 2k subscribers but they respond well to all Urban Fantasy/PNR.

Good luck! :D
« Last Edit: April 01, 2017, 08:08:22 AM by JMorgan »
Crush, Book 3: 50%
Facebook

Offline AkariaGale

  • Status: Madeleine L'Engle
  • **
  • Posts: 94
  • Gender: Female
  • Brooklyn, NY
    • View Profile
Re: Blurb Help for Urban Fantasy Romance
« Reply #10 on: April 01, 2017, 11:47:24 AM »
It's not my genre, but I think both blurbs are good. The second one is a little better, especially at the end.

One thing stands out though. The blurbs are coming very much from an arm's length editorial voice. Everything is filtered through that voice, and while this is common enough in some genres, it doesn't seem to be in urban fantasy. Not sure if urban fantasy romance is different again though.

So, my advice is to keep the structure and hooks that you already have in the blurb, but to remove all the distancing elements ("she thought" is the most obvious one, but there are plenty more) and retell the same thing from deep inside Jewel's point of view. Bring her voice out, bring her thoughts out, unfiltered. I think that will make your blurb much better, and also more competitive in the urban fantasy market.

Hope that helps!

That's great advice! So good, I'm gonna steal it for my own blurbs :)
Bite into a new adventure! www.akariagale.com

Offline brkingsolver

  • Status: Dostoevsky
  • ******
  • Posts: 3935
  • Baltimore, MD
    • View Profile
Re: Blurb Help for Urban Fantasy Romance
« Reply #11 on: April 01, 2017, 01:32:11 PM »
Is it urban fantasy, or paranormal romance? They're different genres. Urban fantasies are usually not classified as romances.

BR Kingsolver | Author website

Offline KelliWolfe

  • Status: Arthur C Clarke
  • *****
  • Posts: 2034
    • View Profile
Re: Blurb Help for Urban Fantasy Romance
« Reply #12 on: April 01, 2017, 01:54:34 PM »
They're not really two different things; it's more of a continuum. There's a nice graph on Genrify.com plotting the different books/series against a romance and fantasy axis to show how they compare. It's a great tool for figuring out where your books fit so you can brand/market them appropriately.

Olivia Blake | Lessons in Love

Offline Jack Krenneck

  • Status: Arthur Conan Doyle
  • ****
  • Posts: 517
    • View Profile
Re: Blurb Help for Urban Fantasy Romance
« Reply #13 on: April 01, 2017, 02:18:23 PM »
That's great advice! So good, I'm gonna steal it for my own blurbs :)

You're welcome  ;)

Offline RosalieLario

  • Status: Madeleine L'Engle
  • **
  • Posts: 54
  • Gender: Female
  • Florida
    • View Profile
    • Rosalie Lario, Paranormal Romance Author
Re: Blurb Help for Urban Fantasy Romance
« Reply #14 on: April 03, 2017, 01:23:29 PM »
Thanks so much for the advice, guys. JMorgan, I really appreciate the offer! I'll look you up on FB. Would love to set up a newsletter exchange for whenever your next book releases!  And I got your book, can't wait to read it!

Offline brkingsolver

  • Status: Dostoevsky
  • ******
  • Posts: 3935
  • Baltimore, MD
    • View Profile
Re: Blurb Help for Urban Fantasy Romance
« Reply #15 on: April 03, 2017, 01:40:54 PM »
They're not really two different things; it's more of a continuum. There's a nice graph on Genrify.com plotting the different books/series against a romance and fantasy axis to show how they compare. It's a great tool for figuring out where your books fit so you can brand/market them appropriately.
When I see a spread of bare chests, that doesn't convey UF to me. I'm sorry, but I'm getting tired of romances, especially erotic romances, being stuck in every possible category just because an author wants better visibility. I really don't need a romance writer to tell me about my genre, either.

BR Kingsolver | Author website

Offline Patrick Urban

  • Status: Lewis Carroll
  • **
  • Posts: 208
  • Gender: Male
  • That's what I'm tolkien about
    • View Profile
Re: Blurb Help for Urban Fantasy Romance
« Reply #16 on: April 03, 2017, 02:10:24 PM »
When I see a spread of bare chests, that doesn't convey UF to me. I'm sorry, but I'm getting tired of romances, especially erotic romances, being stuck in every possible category just because an author wants better visibility.

I agree rather emphatically with BR on the above.
Paranormal Romance and Urban Fantasy are quite distinct. The linked diagram of books more accurately illustrates books that straddle the two genres, rather than being an illustration of a confluence of the actual genres. (And, incidentally and of no relevance to the broader point at hand: it's a bit confused on the placing of Laurel K Hamilton. Her first 6 or so books were UF. Then her husband left her, she had a nervous breakdown, went full bats... mental and started writing deeply disturbed paranormal erotica masquerading as PR. But leaving her aside.)

The general distinction is the answer to this question: Is the romantic plot/thread a subplot or the central plot?
While excising the romantic plot in both cases undercuts the book, in the case of UF you still have a viable central plot/book. Less emotionally engaging and fulfilling for readers, sure, but viable. In the case of PR, excising the romantic subplot unravels the central plot, and the book, altogether.
« Last Edit: April 03, 2017, 02:17:21 PM by Patrick Urban »

Offline Jack Krenneck

  • Status: Arthur Conan Doyle
  • ****
  • Posts: 517
    • View Profile
Re: Blurb Help for Urban Fantasy Romance
« Reply #17 on: April 03, 2017, 02:19:35 PM »
I really don't need a romance writer to tell me about my genre, either.


Wow. That's an appalling attitude to take just because someone offered up an opinion.

Offline Patrick Urban

  • Status: Lewis Carroll
  • **
  • Posts: 208
  • Gender: Male
  • That's what I'm tolkien about
    • View Profile
Re: Blurb Help for Urban Fantasy Romance
« Reply #18 on: April 03, 2017, 02:24:49 PM »
To be clear, my point of agreement is in preserving the distinction between UF and PR and the category listing problems that such confusion exacerbates (Amazon has enough category issues as it is).

On the broader point of categories (to take a related tangent), I have had to wade through BBW bearshifter romances  :o when looking through Zon's  Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Science Fiction & Fantasy > Fantasy > Superhero 
That's just... wrong.  :(  seriously wrong...

Offline HopelessFanatic

  • Status: Jane Austen
  • ***
  • Posts: 384
    • View Profile
Re: Blurb Help for Urban Fantasy Romance
« Reply #19 on: April 03, 2017, 02:36:00 PM »
I've got to agree with BRKingsolver. There is a distinct difference between PNR and UF. UF with heavy romance subplots are still UF. Even the graph linked has a line to separate the two. Can it get blurry? Sure, but PNR holds to Romance requirements: Central love story and HEA/HFN. UF is not constrained by those. It can have a HEA/HFN for a couple but the love story isn't central.

Offline brkingsolver

  • Status: Dostoevsky
  • ******
  • Posts: 3935
  • Baltimore, MD
    • View Profile
Re: Blurb Help for Urban Fantasy Romance
« Reply #20 on: April 03, 2017, 05:58:07 PM »
Wow. That's an appalling attitude to take just because someone offered up an opinion.
Not as appalling as entering "urban fantasy" in a search box and wading through pages of bear shifter erotica. This is exactly what Zon is trying to clean up. There was a long thread on this a month or so ago.

https://www.kboards.com/index.php?topic=247857.0

Opinion is different than actions that harm people's livelihood. Miscategorization has been a topic on this board for a long, long time.
 

BR Kingsolver | Author website

Offline Jack Krenneck

  • Status: Arthur Conan Doyle
  • ****
  • Posts: 517
    • View Profile
Re: Blurb Help for Urban Fantasy Romance
« Reply #21 on: April 03, 2017, 07:46:45 PM »
Not as appalling as entering "urban fantasy" in a search box and wading through pages of bear shifter erotica. This is exactly what Zon is trying to clean up. There was a long thread on this a month or so ago.

https://www.kboards.com/index.php?topic=247857.0

Opinion is different than actions that harm people's livelihood. Miscategorization has been a topic on this board for a long, long time.
 

The miscategorization thing is a separate issue altogether.

I certainly get the miscategorization thing though. Epic fantasy isn't immune to it, and it disturbs me, not to mention costs me financially, when books that are not traditional epic fantasy appear on the list. 

But, to play devil's advocate, an author who doesn't compete in all available categories where other authors of similar books are listing titles becomes an uncompetitive author... So, from that POV, I don't blame them one bit. It's up to Amazon to get its categories right, and who is to say they haven't just because some authors disagree? Myself included.