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Bloody Sunrise
by Gregg Bell

$0.99
Kindle Edition published 2017-06-06
Bestseller ranking: 4595

Product Description

Denny O'Callaghan is afraid to open his eyes.

He'd been out drinking last night with the guys, and his head throbs, his arms hurt, and he can't remember what he's done.

He opens his eyes. Blood. On his sheets. His pillowcase.

Then he gets a call: his ex-wife was murdered last night.

He desperately tries to piece together what happened. But he can't explain how he got the scratches on his arms, the police want to know about the domestic violence report his ex filed against him, and his buddies say he was raging against her last night before he stormed off on his own.

Right about the time she was murdered.

Take advantage of this introductory low price!

What readers are saying about Bloody Sunrise:

'My involvement was total...I read this book straight through twice.' suziqnb

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Author Topic: Wolves, pleas, chomp on, gnaw, or worry this blurb  (Read 1325 times)  

Offline Jack Krenneck

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Re: Wolves, pleas, chomp on, gnaw, or worry this blurb
« Reply #25 on: May 11, 2017, 02:57:06 PM »
See also rule 11.

This is your rule 11.

11) Don't listen to a certain person who inevitably shows up to tell you all of the above are meaningless because if bestsellers do awful stuff it must be good; many strong sellers succeed in spite of bad blurbs, not because of them.

No one has to listen to anybody. One of the beauties of indie publishing! But, when you're trying to figure out how to succeed it's a good idea to look at what successful authors are doing. Of course, you could take the point of view that successful authors don't have a clue ... and unsuccessful authors actually know better, which seems to be at the heart of "Rule 11".

Anyway, as I say, that's the beauty of indie publishing. People have total control over what they do and what they wish to believe.   

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Re: Wolves, pleas, chomp on, gnaw, or worry this blurb
« Reply #26 on: May 11, 2017, 09:00:45 PM »
Writing blurbs is hard. Very hard. I write mine before I write the book so that I have the time to modify and refine.

I think in this version of your blurb you ran with the summary idea. As a result, it's trying to cover too much ground and too many plot points. I would work on refining to simplify. Hone in on the really important stuff. Or, another way of putting it, use less names, less plot points and more emotion.

Hope that helps!

It does. Thank you.

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Online CynthiaClay

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Re: Wolves, pleas, chomp on, gnaw, or worry this blurb
« Reply #27 on: May 11, 2017, 09:25:47 PM »
Okay, we have a starting point to work with, so I'll dig out the red pen. First impression is that there are way too many repetitions of names in here.

Lots of great points for me to be guided by. I did like your rewrite. The problem is though Burta is seven and Tristabe-airta six when the assassin tries to kill Burta. The book has the story of the adults doing adult things and the children providing a through line to the story and ideas. There are masses of characters (it is a fantasy saga).There are gods intervening too. I'll try again tomorrow!

Thanks so much for your guidance!

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Online D A Bale

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Re: Wolves, pleas, chomp on, gnaw, or worry this blurb
« Reply #28 on: May 11, 2017, 09:39:12 PM »
I think most everyone here would agree that writing blurbs is the worst part of being an author.  That said, I have two points to ask you to think about.

1.  What is the primary overarching conflict in the story - and what's at stake if this conflict is not resolved?
Romance, the conflict is how boy gets girl/girl gets boy and what stands in their way to Happily Ever After
Thriller, usually is something will be destroyed and people will die if such and such isn't stopped in time
Mystery, criminal will keep killing/kidnapping/raping if the perp isn't found
Etc., etc., etc.

2.  Who is your story really about - and why do they matter/are so integral/what specialty or challenges do they bring to the table?
X was once the best until alcohol took him down/losing everything forced her to walk a difficult path
XX kicked butt before someone better/younger came along and now they have to prove their worth all over again
XXX was nothing special until Y came into her life

Really drill down to the bedrock of WHY readers WANT/HAVE TO/MUST pick up your book NOW and read it.  How will it benefit them?  Why is it worth their time?  Like a vampire searching for prey, let your audience get that first whiff of blood, feel the thrumming of that pulse before they sink their teeth into your tome.

And on that disgusting note - have at it!  :-*
« Last Edit: May 11, 2017, 09:42:55 PM by D A Bale »

Online CynthiaClay

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Re: Wolves, pleas, chomp on, gnaw, or worry this blurb
« Reply #29 on: May 15, 2017, 01:15:43 PM »

And on that disgusting note - have at it!  :-*

So here is another attempt:

Princess Royal, Tristab-airta of Allsongs, daughter to King Freyzyn, is the darling of her father's court. Poet souled, she can never contend for the heirship of Allsongs because she is flawed. Never will she transform to demi-dragon form as her kingly father does. Nefarious magical creatures have designs against her; neighboring rulers plot the overthrow of King Freyzun; and malcontents work to undermine the simplefolks trust in the magic of the poets. As small as she is Tristab-airta must, for the sake of the future of her father's kingdom, make an alliance with Burta, a child as royal as she is, but who hates her. Burta plans to become a True Sword and contend for the Allsongs heirship. As heir, Burta will turn into a demi-dragon and Tristab-airta will be in liege to her. The enemy kings see the Allsongs royal children as threats and want them all dead. They send an assassin, a prince who pretends goodwill. Tristab-airta does not trust him. She is able to save Burta this time, but evil kings do not give up so easily.

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Re: Wolves, pleas, chomp on, gnaw, or worry this blurb
« Reply #30 on: May 19, 2017, 12:51:35 PM »
Not even a little nibble, nibble on the last attempt?  :'(

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Online D A Bale

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Re: Wolves, pleas, chomp on, gnaw, or worry this blurb
« Reply #31 on: May 19, 2017, 01:50:13 PM »
It is still rambling and doesn't read like a blurb that will grab readers.  Focus on the main conflict and not so much on the various characters and their interactions/what their skills are.  Why does not being able to transform into a demi-dragon preclude her from the throne and make her 'flawed'?

Try a tagline to grab your reader from the outset - something along the lines of:

Being heir to a kingdom has its challenges - especially when enemies want you dead.

Just spitballing here to try and help, but your blurb needs focus.  Perhaps start with one line like the above and keep the focus on the conflict and one named character.  Then you can always add to it if needed.  Really drill down to that bedrock.

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Re: Wolves, pleas, chomp on, gnaw, or worry this blurb
« Reply #32 on: May 19, 2017, 02:01:57 PM »
The new revision is too long for one paragraph. It naturally wants to be at least two, unless you're going to make it much shorter.

It's still rambling quite a bit, and there are many points that read like story beats--temporal flow--keeping it unfocused. A happens, then B, then C. The blurb is not a synopsis, so story beats should be avoided.
Aspiring supervillain, torturer of words, rantcrafter extraordinaire, and unlicensed blurb doctor


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Re: Wolves, pleas, chomp on, gnaw, or worry this blurb
« Reply #33 on: May 19, 2017, 02:16:39 PM »
Okay, I'm going to do something unconventional here that hopefully doesn't get the cattle prod or ban hammer (or the new judge's gavel) pointed my way.  There's another blurb thread being bandied about today that perhaps might help illustrate the point we're trying to make.  It's a different genre, but taglines apply anywhere you want to use them.  Example below:

They went on safari to save their marriage. Now they have to save each other.

Okay, genre aside, there are several helpful things in here that reek of conflict, character, and setting without using any names or places.

They implies two or more people.  Safari gives an idea they are in Africa and also out of their element (potential conflict).  Save their marriage indicates a history of conflict already between a husband and wife and bringing the past and present together in one phrase.  The second sentence indicates an entire realm of possibilities for the story's main conflict, upping the ante and making the reader wonder what that main conflict might be.

Meaning, as a reader, I've just gotta buy and read this book!

That's the feeling you want to convey in your blurb - again, regardless of genre.  Blurbs are hard (hard, hard, hard!), so keep at it and you'll get there.

Online CynthiaClay

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Re: Wolves, pleas, chomp on, gnaw, or worry this blurb
« Reply #34 on: May 19, 2017, 02:55:42 PM »
It is still rambling and doesn't read like a blurb that will grab readers.  Focus on the main conflict and not so much on the various characters and their interactions/what their skills are.  Why does not being able to transform into a demi-dragon preclude her from the throne and make her 'flawed'?
...  Really drill down to that bedrock.

Thanks so much for the help!

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Online CynthiaClay

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Re: Wolves, pleas, chomp on, gnaw, or worry this blurb
« Reply #35 on: May 19, 2017, 03:05:01 PM »
but taglines apply anywhere you want to use them.  Example below:

They went on safari to save their marriage. Now they have to save each other.

Meaning, as a reader, I've just gotta buy and read this book!

That's the feeling you want to convey in your blurb - again, regardless of genre.  Blurbs are hard (hard, hard, hard!), so keep at it and you'll get there.

Yes, I want that book too as a result of reading that line.

Hmm, well I do have a couple review blurbs, and the cover artist took one line of the 1st blurb I tried. Is this short and sweet enough, or not enough?

"I am Princess Royal Burta, and I call out your challenger!"

Foreshadow is a beautifully written fantasy tale that wraps readers in poetry, new mythology and magic. ..If this is the precursor for things to come in the series, we are in for quite an adventure. Compulsion Reads

A dense but entertaining first novel in a planned fantasy series. Kirkus Reviews

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Offline Quincy

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Re: Wolves, pleas, chomp on, gnaw, or worry this blurb
« Reply #36 on: May 19, 2017, 04:02:38 PM »
Yes, I want that book too as a result of reading that line.

Hmm, well I do have a couple review blurbs, and the cover artist took one line of the 1st blurb I tried. Is this short and sweet enough, or not enough?

"I am Princess Royal Burta, and I call out your challenger!"

Foreshadow is a beautifully written fantasy tale that wraps readers in poetry, new mythology and magic. ..If this is the precursor for things to come in the series, we are in for quite an adventure. Compulsion Reads

A dense but entertaining first novel in a planned fantasy series. Kirkus Reviews

This would not push me (as a reader) to buy the book- I have literally no idea what the story is about from this one-liner.

I think D A was thinking something maybe along the lines of:
"Denied her position as heir to the throne of one land, Princess Burta will stop a nothing to challenge for the right to wear the crown of her adopted home.  Determined to use her martial skills to defeat the magic of poet-princess Trista, Burta must save the realm from warring neighbor kings as well as from enemies within."

Offline Jeff Tanyard

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Re: Wolves, pleas, chomp on, gnaw, or worry this blurb
« Reply #37 on: May 19, 2017, 04:58:31 PM »
First of all, those black diamonds are driving me crazy.   ???

Secondly, I agree with the others about the rambling nature of the blurb.  I'd like to help if I can, Cynthia, but I need your help first.  Please answer the following questions, and be specific:

1.)  Who is the hero? 

2.)  What does she want?

3.)  What is the conflict?

4.)  What must the hero do? 

5.)  What is at stake?
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Offline Jack Krenneck

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Re: Wolves, pleas, chomp on, gnaw, or worry this blurb
« Reply #38 on: May 19, 2017, 07:29:46 PM »
Everything D A Bale said. In all three posts.

I think the example thing is a good idea too. So, here's one that I would use, with my comments.

The First Part of the Wolf of the North trilogy by Amazon Bestselling Author Duncan M. Hamilton.

Tagline. Simple and direct. Gets attention and provides a good reason to keep reading. That's a tagline's job. This one isn't story based, but a story based plot/character hook does the same thing.

It has been generations since the Northlands have seen a hero worthy of the title. Many have made the claim, but few have lived to defend it. Timid, weak, and bullied, Wulfric is as unlikely a candidate as there could be.

Oooooh. Perfect. Super simple. Outlines the main problem/overarching plot. Establishes the main character. Creates drama (...few have lived to defend it). Pitches the main character as the underdog -- people love that. Establishes genre and evokes genre mood. So few words, so much achieved.

A chance encounter with an ancient and mysterious object awakens a latent gift, and Wulfrics life changes course. Against a backdrop of war, tragedy, and an enemy whose hatred for him knows no bounds, Wulfric will be forged from a young boy, into the Wolf of the North. This is his tale.

Deepens plot and conflict. Further establishes genre. Foreshadows an epic story.

All of this is so very simple. So few words, so much tension. Blurbs with clarity and drama sell books. And Wolf of the North has sold a few. My advice is to study blurbs like this. Look at the bestseller lists and find them, read them, break them down into their components.

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Re: Wolves, pleas, chomp on, gnaw, or worry this blurb
« Reply #39 on: May 20, 2017, 01:27:47 PM »
First of all, those black diamonds are driving me crazy.   ???

Secondly, I agree with the others about the rambling nature of the blurb.  I'd like to help if I can, Cynthia, but I need your help first.  Please answer the following questions, and be specific:

You'll see the problem as I answer. The story encompasses ten years.

1.)  Who is the hero?  of the children: Tristabe-airta, Burta of the adults: King Freyzun, King of Allsongs of the Fire Child subplot, Poet Trump

2.)  What does she want? to be friends with Burta, to help her daddy; to make his realm prosper; redeem himself by training the Fire Child

3.)  What is the conflict? Burta hates her; enemy kings connive against Allsongs; the Fire Child is dangerous (burns things and people up when he is angry)

4.)  What must the hero do?  save Burta, warn her daddy; turn fire child from a dangerous, out of control kid to a gentle, kindly well controlled poet

5.)  What is at stake? Burta's life; Allsongs; his own salvation, the fire child's life
p

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Re: Wolves, pleas, chomp on, gnaw, or worry this blurb
« Reply #40 on: May 20, 2017, 09:44:55 PM »
All right... my head is kind of spinning from trying to sort out the plot, but I've done what I could.  I've probably gotten it all wrong--lol--but here you go:

Quote
Tristabe-airta is young and ineligible for the throne, but she's still the daughter of the king, and a patriot.  She wants to help her father make his realm of Allsongs prosper.  A challenge appears in the form of Princess Burta, a contender for the throne.  Political threats from neighboring kingdoms exacerbate the situation, and Allsongs is thrown into chaos.  Both girls become targets of enemy assassins.

Tristabe-airta likes Burta and doesn't want to see her killed.  She hopes they can work together to protect the realm.  But Burta carries an old grudge, and putting enmities aside isn't easy, even when the future of the nation depends on it.  Tristabe-airta is desperate to ally with her, and she'll do almost anything to win her over.  But the price of saving Allsongs might be higher than she can pay.

Hope that helps.  :)
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Re: Wolves, pleas, chomp on, gnaw, or worry this blurb
« Reply #41 on: May 21, 2017, 05:43:13 PM »
All right... my head is kind of spinning from trying to sort out the plot, but I've done what I could.  I've probably gotten it all wrong--lol--but here you go:

Hope that helps.  :)

This was very helpful in showing me how to narrow in a few details to imply the larger story.  So, as a result of your effort I have another effort:

In a time when dragons and gods seduce mortals, evil kings, descendants of dragons, plot to overthrow the tiny, impoverished kingdom of Allsongs, tempted by the promise of its future. It is said the hope and best defense of Allsongs lies in the person of a small child, Tristab-airta, the Princess Royal, whose magic always works. Yet, it is another child, sword and king souled Princess Burta, new to Allsongs, whom the enemy kings fear will one day usurp their kingdoms. An assassin is sent to kill her. Though Tristab-airta knows Burta hates her, Tristabe-airta must do what she can to save her or Allsongs will fall before they come of age.

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Re: Wolves, pleas, chomp on, gnaw, or worry this blurb a bit more
« Reply #42 on: May 22, 2017, 11:42:42 AM »
"I am Princess Royal Burta, and I call out your challenger!"

In a time when dragons and gods seduce mortals, evil kings plot to overthrow the tiny, impoverished kingdom of Allsongs, tempted by the promise of its future. It is said the hope and best defense of Allsongs lies in the person of a small child, Tristab-airta, the Princess Royal, whose magic always works. Yet, it is another child, dragon born Burta, whom the enemy kings fear will usurp their kingdoms. An assassin is sent to kill her. Though Tristab-airta knows Burta hates her, Tristabe-airta must do what she can to save her or Allsongs will fall when they come of age.

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