Author Topic: Blurb opinion please (romance)  (Read 264 times)  

Offline taliwrites

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Blurb opinion please (romance)
« on: May 18, 2017, 06:01:09 AM »
I'm struggling with the blurb for my upcoming book, so I'd really appreciate it if you could give me some feedback. Does the blurb make it clear what kind of a book this is? Do you have any other thoughts about it? Or suggestions? Thank you!  :-*

Quote
I want to curse my bad luck the moment I find out my company's main competitor in a bid for a game-changing contract is none the other but the successful and arrogant billionaire Quinn Nikolis.
Quinn is known to play dirty, but giving up isn't in my DNA. I'm determined to find a way to win the contract, even if I have to get close to him to do it.
It turns out the incredibly sexy Quinn is far from what I expect, and the sizzling attraction between us is undeniable. Soon I realize that I want him. All of him. I want to make him mine in every way possible.
But when I learn of Quinn's secret that ties him to a mob, I have just what I need to destroy him and to secure the contract. The question is, should I go through with my plan or follow my heart?

Offline ClaraWoods

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Re: Blurb opinion please (romance)
« Reply #1 on: May 18, 2017, 11:50:06 AM »
Reads like a contemporary romance blurb. ;D So if that's your genre, I'd say it definitely clear.

I would consider restructuring it a little bit for added impact.

- What about making your second sentence the first?
Quinn is known to play dirty, but giving up isn't in my DNA. I want to curse my bad luck...

- There are a couple of sentences that feel a little info-dumpy
"I want to curse my bad luck the moment I find out my company's main competitor in a bid for a game-changing contract is none the other but the successful and arrogant billionaire Quinn Nikolis."
I think you can shorten this significantly. "I want to curse my bad luck the moment I find out I have to compete with none the other but the successful and arrogant billionaire Quinn Nikolis."

"But when I learn of Quinn's secret that ties him to a mob, I have just what I need to destroy him and to secure the contract."
I think you can just shorten it without losen any information and even strengthen the mystery. "But when I learn of Quinn's secret, I have just what I need to destroy him and to secure the contract.

I  really like the short sentences in the second half and how you end with a question.

Offline Quincy

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Re: Blurb opinion please (romance)
« Reply #2 on: May 18, 2017, 04:13:50 PM »
I played around a bit:

The moment I discover that my competitor for a critical contract is none other than billionaire Quinn Nikolis, I can't help my curse my luck.  Successful and arrogant, Quinn has a reputation for playing dirty, but giving up isn't in my DNA.  I'm determined to find a way to win, even if I have to get close to him to do it. 

Despite the sizzling attraction between us, getting close to sexy Quinn proves more complicated than I expected.  I want him, all of him, despite his dirty secrets.  When I learn he has hidden ties to the mob, I have just what I need to destroy Quinn and secure the contact for myself. 

Now I just need to decide what is more important- my business or my heart?
« Last Edit: May 19, 2017, 09:13:04 AM by Quincy »

Offline taliwrites

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Re: Blurb opinion please (romance)
« Reply #3 on: May 19, 2017, 06:16:23 AM »
Reads like a contemporary romance blurb. ;D So if that's your genre, I'd say it definitely clear.

Thanks for your reply!  :-* It is contemporary romance, but it's not just that. I'll see if I can shorten the sentences a bit. I don't want to leave out the part mentioning the mob, though, because I don't think everyone likes that aspect, and I'm trying to make it as clear as possible what the book is about.

I played around a bit:

The moment I discover that my competitor for a critical contract is none other than billionaire Quinn Nikolis, I can't help my curse my luck.  Successful and arrogant, Quinn has a reputation for playing dirty, but giving up isn't in my DNA.  Im determined to find a way to win, even if I have to get close to him to do it. 

Despite the sizzling attraction between us, getting close to sexy Quinn proves more complicated than I expected.  I want him, all of him, despite his dirty secrets.  When I learn he has hidden ties to the mob, I have just what I need to destroy Quinn and secure the contact for myself. 

Now I just need to decide what is more important- my business or my heart?


Thanks, Quincy! This is great!   :-*

Does anyone have any ideas on how to hint at kinky sex? Or should that be part of the warning note?

Offline taliwrites

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Re: Blurb opinion please (romance)
« Reply #4 on: May 19, 2017, 11:49:45 AM »
What do you think about this one?  :)

Quote
The moment I discover that my competitor for a critical contract is none other than billionaire Quinn Nikolis, I can't help but curse my luck. Successful and arrogant, Quinn has a reputation for playing dirty, but giving up isn't in my DNA.  I'm determined to find a way to win, even if I have to get close to him to do it. 
It turns out incredibly sexy Quinn is far from what I expected, and the sizzling attraction between us is undeniable. Soon I realize that I want him. All of him. I want to make him mine in every way possible. But when I learn he has hidden ties to the mob, I have just what I need to destroy him and secure the contact for myself. 
The only question is, should I go through with my plan or follow my heart?

Offline ilamont

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Re: Blurb opinion please (romance)
« Reply #5 on: May 19, 2017, 02:37:40 PM »
Quinn Nikolis. Arrogant businessman. Successful billionaire. And now the top competitor for a critical contract.

Quinn also has a reputation for playing dirty. I can't help but curse my luck. But giving up isn't in my DNA -- I'm determined to find a way to win, even if I have to get close to him to do it.
 
It turns out the incredibly sexy Quinn is far from what I expected. He's much more than a hard-nosed businessman--he's a handsome charmer and devilish rogue, and the sizzling attraction between us is undeniable.

Soon I realize that I want him. All of him. I want to make him mine in every way possible. After learning he has hidden ties to the mob, I have just what I need to destroy him ... and secure the contact for myself.

But is that what I really want? After all, this is not just a battle over business ... it's a battle for my heart.

Offline taliwrites

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Re: Blurb opinion please (romance)
« Reply #6 on: May 20, 2017, 07:28:17 AM »
Quinn Nikolis. Arrogant businessman. Successful billionaire. And now the top competitor for a critical contract.

Quinn also has a reputation for playing dirty. I can't help but curse my luck. But giving up isn't in my DNA -- I'm determined to find a way to win, even if I have to get close to him to do it.
 
It turns out the incredibly sexy Quinn is far from what I expected. He's much more than a hard-nosed businessman--he's a handsome charmer and devilish rogue, and the sizzling attraction between us is undeniable.

Soon I realize that I want him. All of him. I want to make him mine in every way possible. After learning he has hidden ties to the mob, I have just what I need to destroy him ... and secure the contact for myself.

But is that what I really want? After all, this is not just a battle over business ... it's a battle for my heart.

Thanks.  :)