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Bloody Sunrise
by Gregg Bell

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Kindle Edition published 2017-06-06
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Product Description

Denny O'Callaghan is afraid to open his eyes.

He'd been out drinking last night with the guys, and his head throbs, his arms hurt, and he can't remember what he's done.

He opens his eyes. Blood. On his sheets. His pillowcase.

Then he gets a call: his ex-wife was murdered last night.

He desperately tries to piece together what happened. But he can't explain how he got the scratches on his arms, the police want to know about the domestic violence report his ex filed against him, and his buddies say he was raging against her last night before he stormed off on his own.

Right about the time she was murdered.

Take advantage of this introductory low price!

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Author Topic: one-liner for thriller  (Read 555 times)  

Offline davidsachs

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one-liner for thriller
« on: May 19, 2017, 09:30:14 AM »
Hi folks, I'm looking for advice on a 1-liner for a somewhat sexy, relationshippy, thriller. Like Hemingway, updated, or The Beach 15 years older. Would appreciate any advice!! Here are some ideas:

1. They came to Africa for an adventure to save their marriage; stranded in the bush of Kenyas Maasai Mara Park, they have to save each other.
 
2. A young couple's marriage is on the verge of disintegrating during an adventure trip and then they get lost on a Kenyan safari.
 
3. A young couple spend three days lost on safari in Kenya.

4. A young couple follow adventure to save their disintegrating marriage, but must save themselves from three days lost when their Kenyan safari goes wrong.

5. A young couple escape their marriage problems with an adventure trip. Now can they escape the adventure?

6. To save their marriage, they followed adventure. Lost on safari, they'll have to save each other.

Bonus question: Which sounds better as a compariosn: "Hemingway, updated" OR "Hemingway's The Short Happy Life of Francis Macomber updated." I tend to think being more specific will help me either find or disprove an affinity with an agent.
   

Online Dpock

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Re: one-liner for thriller
« Reply #1 on: May 19, 2017, 09:52:14 AM »
Quote
To save their marriage, they followed adventure. Lost on safari, they'll have to save each other.


Bonus bit - "A Hemingwayesque journey of _____ (redemption? salvation? whatever...)


Offline FelissaEly

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Re: one-liner for thriller
« Reply #2 on: May 19, 2017, 09:58:51 AM »
I don't have any offerings for the bonus bit, but I also like #6


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Offline TromboneAl

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Re: one-liner for thriller
« Reply #3 on: May 19, 2017, 10:00:30 AM »
If you're thinking of an elevator pitch (what you tell an agent if you happen to be with him/her in an elevator at a writing conference), you need a little orientation at the start, as you've done in your post. Something like:

It's a relationship-centered thriller about a couple who uncover surprising revelations about their marriage while lost in the wilds of the African jungle.

If the one-line has a different purpose, tell us what you're planning to use it for.


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Offline Spin52

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Re: one-liner for thriller
« Reply #4 on: May 19, 2017, 10:04:32 AM »
I like either 5 or 6. I'm not sure I'd bring Hemingway into it. But that may be because the type of blurb which says, "If you like Author X, you'll love this book' always makes me cringe.


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Offline ilamont

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Re: one-liner for thriller
« Reply #5 on: May 19, 2017, 10:16:50 AM »
Variation of #1:

They came to Africa for a safari adventure to save their marriage. Now they have to save each other.

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Re: one-liner for thriller
« Reply #6 on: May 19, 2017, 10:20:42 AM »
Variation of #1:

They came to Africa for a safari adventure to save their marriage. Now they have to save each other.

I like this one.
     

Online crow.bar.beer

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Re: one-liner for thriller
« Reply #7 on: May 19, 2017, 10:33:49 AM »
They came to Africa for a safari adventure to save their marriage. Now they have to save each other.

I'd springboard off this excellent suggestion by making it even more concise:

They went on safari to save their marriage. Now they have to save each other.

Conciseness is king.  8)

Online jdcore

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Re: one-liner for thriller
« Reply #8 on: May 19, 2017, 10:48:58 AM »
#6

Online D A Bale

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Re: one-liner for thriller
« Reply #9 on: May 19, 2017, 11:34:42 AM »
Variation of #1:

They came to Africa for a safari adventure to save their marriage. Now they have to save each other.

I like this, but try and condense into a snappy bite for your tagline.

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Re: one-liner for thriller
« Reply #10 on: May 19, 2017, 12:26:41 PM »
They went on a safari to save their marriage. But can they save each other?

Offline Adam B

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Re: one-liner for thriller
« Reply #11 on: May 19, 2017, 01:32:37 PM »
I'd springboard off this excellent suggestion by making it even more concise:

They went on safari to save their marriage. Now they have to save each other.

Conciseness is king.  8)

THIS

Offline alexabooks

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Re: one-liner for thriller
« Reply #12 on: May 19, 2017, 01:37:45 PM »
They went on safari to save their marriage. Now they have to save each other.

I also like this one.


Offline juliatheswede

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Re: one-liner for thriller
« Reply #13 on: May 19, 2017, 02:01:50 PM »


They went on safari to save their marriage. Now they have to save each other.


This one!

Offline ilamont

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Re: one-liner for thriller
« Reply #14 on: May 19, 2017, 02:23:29 PM »
I'd springboard off this excellent suggestion by making it even more concise:

They went on safari to save their marriage. Now they have to save each other.

Conciseness is king.  8)

I agree! You can use it on the film poster when they make it into a movie, too!

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Re: one-liner for thriller
« Reply #15 on: May 19, 2017, 03:10:57 PM »
Hi,

I favour #5.

Blessings,

A

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Re: one-liner for thriller
« Reply #16 on: May 19, 2017, 05:59:47 PM »
Variation of #1:

They came to Africa for a safari adventure to save their marriage. Now they have to save each other.

It would be hard to top that.


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Offline Dolphin

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Re: one-liner for thriller
« Reply #17 on: May 19, 2017, 06:05:08 PM »
They went on safari to save their marriage. Now they have to save each other.

Chalk up another vote for concision.

Offline juliatheswede

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Re: one-liner for thriller
« Reply #18 on: May 19, 2017, 06:31:08 PM »
Safari "adventure in Africa" is really redundant. Isn't Africa and adventure implied in the word "safari?" It would be to me at least. There are all kinds of wild animals on a safari that can chase you and kill you ;D

Offline davidsachs

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Re: one-liner for thriller
« Reply #19 on: May 26, 2017, 10:12:16 AM »
Thanks everyone!! Great to see so much convergence of opinion!
   

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Re: one-liner for thriller
« Reply #20 on: May 26, 2017, 11:10:33 AM »
To save their marriage; they ventured into the darkest wilds of Africa.

To save their lives; they must escape it's clutches.
« Last Edit: May 26, 2017, 11:13:07 AM by SND »

Offline she-la-ti-da

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Re: one-liner for thriller
« Reply #21 on: May 26, 2017, 06:31:59 PM »
I'd springboard off this excellent suggestion by making it even more concise:

They went on safari to save their marriage. Now they have to save each other.

Conciseness is king.  8)

Yes! Short and snappy.

I personally wouldn't do anything comparing to another author or book. I hate it when I see that in a blurb, and will skip the book. I'd never seen anything that matched the hype. I know it's recommended in a lot of books, but it just looks bad (and yes, trad pub does it, and I skip those books, too). Sell your book on its own merits.
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Offline Sapphire

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Re: one-liner for thriller
« Reply #22 on: May 27, 2017, 06:05:24 AM »
I guess I'm in the minority. I still like the last one. Just change 'have to' to 'must'.