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Stone and Silt
by Harvey Chute

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Kindle Edition published 2013-08-14
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Big Al's Books & Pals 2014 Readers' Choice Awards: Young Adult Nominee

A ruthless murder and a stolen shipment of gold.

At school, sixteen-year-old Nikaia Wales endures the taunts of bullies who call her a “half-breed.” At home, she worries about how her family will react if she reveals her growing feelings for the quiet boy next door.

Those are soon the least of her troubles. Nikaia discovers a hidden cache of gold, and when police find a corpse nearby, her father becomes a suspect. Worse, Elias Doyle is circling, hungry to avenge his brother’s death.

Nikaia desperately searches for clues to save her father. In her quest to find the killer, she learns about the power of family, friendship, and young love....

Author Topic: Thriller blurb feedback? (for I LOVE YOU I KILL YOU)  (Read 187 times)  

Offline Gregg Bell

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Thriller blurb feedback? (for I LOVE YOU I KILL YOU)
« on: September 12, 2017, 10:28:45 AM »
This is a blurb for my new thriller novel I Love You I Kill You. Thanks!

Please see reply #4 for updated version of blurb.


Paul Mancari is going to kill his ex-wife.

He's a Mafia hitman, and his ex had been dating the mob boss and couldn't keep her mouth shut.

Paul's a stone-cold professional killer, but there's just one problem--his feelings for his ex haven't died.

Under pressure from the mob boss, traitorous Mafiosos and struggling against his own conscience, Paul scrambles to find a way out of killing her.

But all he finds is if he doesn't hit her in twenty-four hours, he'll be hit.
« Last Edit: September 13, 2017, 11:18:42 AM by Gregg Bell »

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Online TromboneAl

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Re: Thriller blurb feedback? (for I LOVE YOU I KILL YOU)
« Reply #1 on: September 12, 2017, 02:32:18 PM »
Here's my QAD version, to give you some ideas:

Mafia hit man Paul Mancari gets a contract he can't refuse: He's been ordered to kill his own wife. His ex-wife, actually, but it doesn't matter. He still loves her.

Worse, he has only twenty-four hours to put her in the ground, or the mob bosses kill him, too. Unless Paul can figure out a solution to this impossible problem, he and his ex-wife will both be sleeping with the fishes.

It's pretty short, as yours is, but that's good. It's a clear-cut, easy-to-explain premise. Are those cliches a good idea? Beats me.

BTW, the "Under pressure" sentence has parallelity problems.
« Last Edit: September 12, 2017, 02:35:42 PM by TromboneAl »

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Offline Gregg Bell

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Re: Thriller blurb feedback? (for I LOVE YOU I KILL YOU)
« Reply #2 on: September 12, 2017, 03:32:41 PM »
Here's my QAD version, to give you some ideas:

Mafia hit man Paul Mancari gets a contract he can't refuse: He's been ordered to kill his own wife. His ex-wife, actually, but it doesn't matter. He still loves her.

Worse, he has only twenty-four hours to put her in the ground, or the mob bosses kill him, too. Unless Paul can figure out a solution to this impossible problem, he and his ex-wife will both be sleeping with the fishes.

It's pretty short, as yours is, but that's good. It's a clear-cut, easy-to-explain premise. Are those cliches a good idea? Beats me.

BTW, the "Under pressure" sentence has parallelity problems.


Thanks Al. Yeah, it got me thinking. I do like my first line though. I think it's more attention-getting than just saying he's a mafia hitman. I'm going to post a new version.

"When people agree with me I always feel that I must be wrong." Oscar Wilde
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Offline Gregg Bell

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Re: Thriller blurb feedback? (for I LOVE YOU I KILL YOU)
« Reply #3 on: September 12, 2017, 03:35:10 PM »
This is the new version of the blurb for thriller novel I Love You I Kill You.


Paul Mancari is going to kill his ex-wife.

He's a Mafia hitman, and his ex had been dating the mob boss and couldn't keep her mouth shut.

Paul's a stone-cold killer, but there's just one problem--his feelings for his ex haven't died.

Under pressure from the mob boss, dealing with a traitorous rival and struggling against his own conscience, Paul scrambles to find a way out of killing her.

But all he finds is that if she isn't dead in twenty-four hours, the next hit will be him.

"When people agree with me I always feel that I must be wrong." Oscar Wilde
Gregg Bell | Website | Amazon author page | Blog | Twitter | Google+ | Facebook

Offline Gregg Bell

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Re: Thriller blurb feedback? (for I LOVE YOU I KILL YOU)
« Reply #4 on: September 13, 2017, 11:18:18 AM »
I gave it one more tweak. Blurb for thriller novel I Love You I Kill You. Any feedback? Thanks.


Paul Mancari is going to kill his ex-wife.

He's a Mafia hitman, and he got the contract because his ex had been dating the mob boss and couldn't keep her mouth shut.

Paul's a stone-cold killer, but there's just one problem--his feelings for his ex haven't died.

Under pressure from the mob boss and struggling against his own conscience, Paul scrambles to find a way out of killing her.

But all he finds is if she isn't dead in twenty-four hours, the next hit will be him.
« Last Edit: September 13, 2017, 11:20:25 AM by Gregg Bell »

"When people agree with me I always feel that I must be wrong." Oscar Wilde
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