Author Topic: Thriller blurb feedback? (for I LOVE YOU I KILL YOU)  (Read 152 times)  

Offline Gregg Bell

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Thriller blurb feedback? (for I LOVE YOU I KILL YOU)
« on: September 12, 2017, 10:28:45 AM »
This is a blurb for my new thriller novel I Love You I Kill You. Thanks!

Please see reply #4 for updated version of blurb.


Paul Mancari is going to kill his ex-wife.

He's a Mafia hitman, and his ex had been dating the mob boss and couldn't keep her mouth shut.

Paul's a stone-cold professional killer, but there's just one problem--his feelings for his ex haven't died.

Under pressure from the mob boss, traitorous Mafiosos and struggling against his own conscience, Paul scrambles to find a way out of killing her.

But all he finds is if he doesn't hit her in twenty-four hours, he'll be hit.
« Last Edit: September 13, 2017, 11:18:42 AM by Gregg Bell »

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Online TromboneAl

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Re: Thriller blurb feedback? (for I LOVE YOU I KILL YOU)
« Reply #1 on: September 12, 2017, 02:32:18 PM »
Here's my QAD version, to give you some ideas:

Mafia hit man Paul Mancari gets a contract he can't refuse: He's been ordered to kill his own wife. His ex-wife, actually, but it doesn't matter. He still loves her.

Worse, he has only twenty-four hours to put her in the ground, or the mob bosses kill him, too. Unless Paul can figure out a solution to this impossible problem, he and his ex-wife will both be sleeping with the fishes.

It's pretty short, as yours is, but that's good. It's a clear-cut, easy-to-explain premise. Are those cliches a good idea? Beats me.

BTW, the "Under pressure" sentence has parallelity problems.
« Last Edit: September 12, 2017, 02:35:42 PM by TromboneAl »

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Offline Gregg Bell

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Re: Thriller blurb feedback? (for I LOVE YOU I KILL YOU)
« Reply #2 on: September 12, 2017, 03:32:41 PM »
Here's my QAD version, to give you some ideas:

Mafia hit man Paul Mancari gets a contract he can't refuse: He's been ordered to kill his own wife. His ex-wife, actually, but it doesn't matter. He still loves her.

Worse, he has only twenty-four hours to put her in the ground, or the mob bosses kill him, too. Unless Paul can figure out a solution to this impossible problem, he and his ex-wife will both be sleeping with the fishes.

It's pretty short, as yours is, but that's good. It's a clear-cut, easy-to-explain premise. Are those cliches a good idea? Beats me.

BTW, the "Under pressure" sentence has parallelity problems.


Thanks Al. Yeah, it got me thinking. I do like my first line though. I think it's more attention-getting than just saying he's a mafia hitman. I'm going to post a new version.

"When people agree with me I always feel that I must be wrong." Oscar Wilde
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Offline Gregg Bell

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Re: Thriller blurb feedback? (for I LOVE YOU I KILL YOU)
« Reply #3 on: September 12, 2017, 03:35:10 PM »
This is the new version of the blurb for thriller novel I Love You I Kill You.


Paul Mancari is going to kill his ex-wife.

He's a Mafia hitman, and his ex had been dating the mob boss and couldn't keep her mouth shut.

Paul's a stone-cold killer, but there's just one problem--his feelings for his ex haven't died.

Under pressure from the mob boss, dealing with a traitorous rival and struggling against his own conscience, Paul scrambles to find a way out of killing her.

But all he finds is that if she isn't dead in twenty-four hours, the next hit will be him.

"When people agree with me I always feel that I must be wrong." Oscar Wilde
Gregg Bell | Website | Amazon author page | Blog | Twitter | Google+ | Facebook

Offline Gregg Bell

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Re: Thriller blurb feedback? (for I LOVE YOU I KILL YOU)
« Reply #4 on: September 13, 2017, 11:18:18 AM »
I gave it one more tweak. Blurb for thriller novel I Love You I Kill You. Any feedback? Thanks.


Paul Mancari is going to kill his ex-wife.

He's a Mafia hitman, and he got the contract because his ex had been dating the mob boss and couldn't keep her mouth shut.

Paul's a stone-cold killer, but there's just one problem--his feelings for his ex haven't died.

Under pressure from the mob boss and struggling against his own conscience, Paul scrambles to find a way out of killing her.

But all he finds is if she isn't dead in twenty-four hours, the next hit will be him.
« Last Edit: September 13, 2017, 11:20:25 AM by Gregg Bell »

"When people agree with me I always feel that I must be wrong." Oscar Wilde
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