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Author Topic: Failed marriage, writing, and starting over. Advice?  (Read 2638 times)  

Offline The Bass Bagwhan

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Re: Failed marriage, writing, and starting over. Advice?
« Reply #25 on: December 06, 2017, 02:11:23 AM »
Well, I guess your Christmas gift list is a hell of a lot shorter and less expensive... hang in there, things will improve.

Seriously, I think FB ads are the only real option these days. Third party email lists (Feebooksy, etc) are saturated and even AMS ads aren't totally under your control. And with that budget you can experiment a lot.

Good luck with everything.
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I'll be a writer... seemed like a good idea at the time

Offline Kathy Dee

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Re: Failed marriage, writing, and starting over. Advice?
« Reply #26 on: December 06, 2017, 03:00:39 AM »
I've been there and got the T shirt too so I know how you feel. As someone who has not reached my goal, I can't offer much good advice on what is working right now. But I wanted to encourage you, personally. Yes, write your socks off. But also make sure you get out and meet people. Join groups that interest you and you never know, life will probably surprise you.

Good luck :)

Offline she-la-ti-da

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Re: Failed marriage, writing, and starting over. Advice?
« Reply #27 on: December 06, 2017, 04:38:17 AM »
Geoff, having been on the receiving end of an adulterous spouse/partner, I can totally get where you're coming from. It does get better, with time. Hugs to you and others who've been through or are going through the rough times.

As to the marketing stuff, others have given good advice. It really hasn't changed very much in the last few months, so it won't take long to get up to speed.

Good luck!
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Offline Awasin

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Re: Failed marriage, writing, and starting over. Advice?
« Reply #28 on: December 06, 2017, 11:25:00 AM »
I think you're overdue for a trip to Thailand, OP.

I didn't realize life was a gift until I spent some time in Bangkok.

Offline Geoff North

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Re: Failed marriage, writing, and starting over. Advice?
« Reply #29 on: December 06, 2017, 11:48:43 AM »
No Thailand, Awasin, but I am going to Cuba next month for two weeks!  :)

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Offline Awasin

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Re: Failed marriage, writing, and starting over. Advice?
« Reply #30 on: December 06, 2017, 12:07:51 PM »
No Thailand, Awasin, but I am going to Cuba next month for two weeks!  :)

I've never been to Cuba but getting out of a Manitoba winter for even a couple of weeks will certainly cheer you up!

Divorce is worse than death in that you can make sense of death whereas divorce confounds all your expectations.  Hang in there.

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Re: Failed marriage, writing, and starting over. Advice?
« Reply #31 on: December 06, 2017, 01:02:03 PM »
Been there; it sucked; things get better. I took a hiatus from writing to get well and refocused, and the writing came back in time. As for what to do with the ad money, honestly, I'd put some of it into drip campaigns like AMS but bank the rest and use it for covers and editing on more books. I've found that the next release was better advertising than any one-time ad bump. Maybe bank it and see if you can score the Bookbub brass ring. But otherwise I'd suggest writing and publishing the next book, and then do it again.

Offline Marian

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Re: Failed marriage, writing, and starting over. Advice?
« Reply #32 on: December 06, 2017, 01:14:59 PM »
I'm so sorry this happened to you. As others have said, the next chapters in your life will be better and better and better...

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Re: Failed marriage, writing, and starting over. Advice?
« Reply #33 on: December 06, 2017, 02:40:11 PM »
AMS ads, once fine-tuned (be careful with those high bids), perform well. Promotional newsletters may be waning as a result. I don't FB.

On the other: I'm twice divorced, so I'll speak from my experiences. The first year following a divorce can be grim. It doesn't matter if the divorce was due to acrimonious circumstances or an amicable parting of ways.

After the first year, it's hard to carry a grudge or feel wounded. Well before the end of the second year, it's like the divorce never happened. By year three you're calling your ex to get her mother's recipe for carbonara, and she's complaining to you about her new husband. I'm not kidding. I know for many it doesn't always go so well.

I now count both exes among my good friends. We don't feel our marriages failed. They just ran their course. We had some great times and we're still able to reminisce (I will go ahead and admit their new husbands aren't real keen on that. Screw 'em). In the end, you were half of the marriage, and now you're half of the divorce, so make it a good one. Also, if you can put the bitterness aside, it'll really annoy your ex.

Posting vacation pictures from Cuba is a good start.


Offline MyraScott

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Re: Failed marriage, writing, and starting over. Advice?
« Reply #34 on: December 06, 2017, 02:54:18 PM »
I just wanted to offer hugs and condolences.  It's really hard to get rolling when your heart is in tatters.

Offline D A Bale

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Re: Failed marriage, writing, and starting over. Advice?
« Reply #35 on: December 06, 2017, 10:08:17 PM »
Equilibrium will eventually settle and you'll be better for this.  Sounds like you've got some great kids in your corner too, so celebrate life with them this Christmas.  Enjoy your trip!

As far as advertising, it's going to depend a little bit on if you're exclusive to KDP-Select or if you're wide.  Either way, give AMS ads a whirl.  Do a few short-term campaigns (two/three weeks tops) with a few dollars a day and play with your keywords.  Sometimes the less obvious ones end up doing pretty good.  Find authors in your genre(s) that are selling well.  Amazon gives you a whole list of suggestions to get started, but be sure an adjust their "suggested" bid of .25 per click to something less to start or you'll blow through your daily budget before evening when most will be shopping.

As far as promotional sites, I've had good luck in the thriller and mystery genres with Robin Reads, EReader News Today, Fussy Librarian, Reading Deals, etc.  Freebooksy seems to do better for certain other genres, but there are many who still find success with them.  Book Adrenaline and Book Barbarian are good for specific genres too.  Though I don't do FB ads myself, I've heard a mixed bag from other authors about effectiveness.  Sounds like it's gotten more and more expensive of late.

And feel free to PM if you ever want to shoot the breeze.  Long-time divorcee here who just decided to live her own life on her terms.  :P

Offline Geoff North

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Re: Failed marriage, writing, and starting over. Advice?
« Reply #36 on: December 07, 2017, 04:40:37 AM »
Once again, thanks to everyone that's posted to this thread!  I'm looking forward to getting back to it with AMS and maybe even giving the Facebook ads another go. I hope they've made the interface a little less challenging?

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Re: Failed marriage, writing, and starting over. Advice?
« Reply #37 on: December 07, 2017, 06:15:21 AM »
I hope they've made the interface a little less challenging?

The AMS platform hasn't changed much since its debut.
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Re: Failed marriage, writing, and starting over. Advice?
« Reply #38 on: December 07, 2017, 12:20:15 PM »
Hey,    Geoff,

Life is just hard sometimes. I went through a long, painful divorce, too and then I got laid off two jobs back-to-back. And lost my home and almost all of my belongings.

Not that this is about me, but I understand going through dark times. The only things that kept me going were my awesome kids and my love of writing. The hard times remind of us of our inner-strength and to be grateful for what do have, like family, friends, and our health.  ;)

Stay strong and focus on the good. Wishing you happy holidays and a much better 2018!  ;D

~Sherry

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Re: Failed marriage, writing, and starting over. Advice?
« Reply #39 on: December 07, 2017, 05:30:57 PM »
Hey,    Geoff,

Life is just hard sometimes. I went through a long, painful divorce, too and then I got laid off two jobs back-to-back. And lost my home and almost all of my belongings.

Not that this is about me, but I understand going through dark times. The only things that kept me going were my awesome kids and my love of writing. The hard times remind of us of our inner-strength and to be grateful for what do have, like family, friends, and our health.  ;)

Stay strong and focus on the good. Wishing you happy holidays and a much better 2018!  ;D

~Sherry

Sherry, OMG you've had a time!  Good for you focusing on what you can change, rather than what you cannot.  Hugs and I hope 2018 is better for all of us! :)

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Offline Geoff North

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Re: Failed marriage, writing, and starting over. Advice?
« Reply #40 on: December 07, 2017, 06:31:44 PM »
Thank you, Sherry. So sorry to hear how bad the divorce was for you. I should be grateful not only for my kids, but for the good job, and my home. It's easy to forget sometimes the crap people have gone through when it happens to you. Glad to see you're doing so well now!

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Offline EvanPickering

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Re: Failed marriage, writing, and starting over. Advice?
« Reply #41 on: December 08, 2017, 09:38:29 PM »
About thirty or so years ago I divorced and my writing ground to a half. I went back to university and hitchhiked across Canada. I was homeless for a while. I turned both of those experiences into newspaper articles. I began to think in story again. My fingertips yearned for a keyboard and I began to write again. I published my first local book. I moved on.

I met the big love of my life and we've been happy together these last 25 years or so.

This whole experience will get easier as time works its magic.

Hang in their buddy.

I find these kinds of stories so cool. Life does so much crazy [crap], I feel like it's hardly ever as linear or as streamlined as we all imagine it usually is.

Thanks for sharing

A Legend Is Reborn In The American Apocalypse.
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Offline L.J.Simpson

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Re: Failed marriage, writing, and starting over. Advice?
« Reply #42 on: December 09, 2017, 04:08:04 AM »
My first wife left me for another guy some almost twenty five years back - for a guy half my age, would you believe. That kinda hurt, though a little lost voice inside my head said that he wasn't the sort of guy I was supposed to be competing with anyway, which in a way made it easier. But they were pretty dark times and there are no quick fixes, no easy answers.
All I can say is, you now get a new shot at everything. It's all out there waiting you you, my friend. Getting over it all takes time, but then one day you realize it's not the end - it's very much a new beginning. I'm sure life will give you a few more surprises - some bad, maybe, but a lot of them are going to be good!
Really hope things work out for you, both professionally ans personally. Good luck! 
« Last Edit: December 10, 2017, 08:59:37 PM by L.J.Simpson »
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Offline LadyG

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Re: Failed marriage, writing, and starting over. Advice?
« Reply #43 on: December 09, 2017, 04:56:48 AM »
I don't have any advice about writing or advertising, but I just wanted to say that when it comes to divorce, I've been there too, and I swear it really does get better. It's been four years since my ex and I split, and I sometimes feel like I'm just now waking up from a long, long nap and getting myself back together. It'll take time (and maybe some wine) but it'll get better. Eventually.

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Offline Kathryn Meyer Griffith

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Re: Failed marriage, writing, and starting over. Advice?
« Reply #44 on: December 09, 2017, 12:51:15 PM »
Geoff,
like many here I've been through a terrible divorce as well...over 41 years ago now (1977). I'd already been writing for 6 years, had two novels written but hadn't been published yet (my first book of 26 came out eventually in 1984). My first husband (a cop) left me for a waitress with two kids and he never looked back; abandoned his son and I to the world and the wolves. It took me a long time to get back to writing because I had to get a full time job right away and raise my son. But I also met the love of my life after that, married him, and we are now celebrating 40 years of marriage. Life! But difficulties never stop and you learn to write around and through them if you're a true writer. Right now, for the first time in my previously healthy life, I have just been diagnosed with breast cancer (my husband has been fighting cancer now already for 10 months....is slowly recovering) so right now all my plans and my writing have again taken a second seat. (But, good news, they caught my cancer early the doctor says and after a surgery and radiation I should be okay.....I pray so.) So, you see, life and its hardships will keep occurring, but, hopefully, you will write on......and on....and on. Just be sure to enjoy every day and life as it comes. Time goes by so quickly.

Kathryn Meyer Griffith horror/murder mystery author since 1984 26 novels,2 novellas,10 short stories
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Re: Failed marriage, writing, and starting over. Advice?
« Reply #45 on: December 09, 2017, 02:22:45 PM »
Thank you, Sherry. So sorry to hear how bad the divorce was for you. I should be grateful not only for my kids, but for the good job, and my home. It's easy to forget sometimes the crap people have gone through when it happens to you. Glad to see you're doing so well now!

Thanks! Hang in there. I know it's a cliche, but time really does heal all wounds. Plus, leaving that cheating jerk was the best thing I ever did, even if it meant starting over with nothing but the clothes on my back. Literally.

I'm still not financially where I want to be, but I'm thankful every day for everything I do have. And if you ever want someone to rant or whine to, feel free to hit me up. :D

« Last Edit: December 09, 2017, 02:25:28 PM by SA_Soule »

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Re: Failed marriage, writing, and starting over. Advice?
« Reply #46 on: December 10, 2017, 08:33:12 AM »
Geoff,
like many here I've been through a terrible divorce as well...over 41 years ago now (1977). I'd already been writing for 6 years, had two novels written but hadn't been published yet (my first book of 26 came out eventually in 1984). My first husband (a cop) left me for a waitress with two kids and he never looked back; abandoned his son and I to the world and the wolves. It took me a long time to get back to writing because I had to get a full time job right away and raise my son. But I also met the love of my life after that, married him, and we are now celebrating 40 years of marriage. Life! But difficulties never stop and you learn to write around and through them if you're a true writer. Right now, for the first time in my previously healthy life, I have just been diagnosed with breast cancer (my husband has been fighting cancer now already for 10 months....is slowly recovering) so right now all my plans and my writing have again taken a second seat. (But, good news, they caught my cancer early the doctor says and after a surgery and radiation I should be okay.....I pray so.) So, you see, life and its hardships will keep occurring, but, hopefully, you will write on......and on....and on. Just be sure to enjoy every day and life as it comes. Time goes by so quickly.

Stay strong! I'll keep you in my prayers.

Offline Kathryn Meyer Griffith

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Re: Failed marriage, writing, and starting over. Advice?
« Reply #47 on: December 10, 2017, 08:37:10 AM »
Thank you SA Soule,
as with all people with any form of cancer, we need all the prayers we can get.

Kathryn Meyer Griffith horror/murder mystery author since 1984 26 novels,2 novellas,10 short stories
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Re: Failed marriage, writing, and starting over. Advice?
« Reply #48 on: December 10, 2017, 09:06:24 AM »
Maybe we need to start a "Divorce and Overcoming Epic Struggles for Writer's Club"! A support slash encouragement group. hehe  :D

Offline Geoff North

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Re: Failed marriage, writing, and starting over. Advice?
« Reply #49 on: December 10, 2017, 10:17:22 AM »
That is a pretty good idea actually, SA.

Kathryn - so sorry to hear about all you've been through. HUGS!

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