Author Topic: Vampire Hamster vs. Vampire Guinea Pig  (Read 811 times)  

Offline Paranormal Kitty

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Vampire Hamster vs. Vampire Guinea Pig
« on: January 13, 2018, 08:27:54 AM »
Which one would win in a death battle?

Online Dennis Chekalov

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Re: Vampire Hamster vs. Vampire Guinea Pig
« Reply #1 on: January 13, 2018, 09:09:47 AM »
Delete this thread right now and (please, please, please!) write a series about them.
It will be a bestseller.
I'm not kidding.
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Offline Kal241

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Re: Vampire Hamster vs. Vampire Guinea Pig
« Reply #2 on: January 13, 2018, 09:20:16 AM »
Hamsters. Because Hamtaro.

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Offline Reveries

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Re: Vampire Hamster vs. Vampire Guinea Pig
« Reply #3 on: January 13, 2018, 09:35:38 AM »
The hamster would win the death battle in seconds. Hamsters are born with a natural urge to rip out throats, while even a vampiric guinea pig would be struggling against its inherent good nature.  ;D

Write the series!

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Re: Vampire Hamster vs. Vampire Guinea Pig
« Reply #4 on: January 13, 2018, 09:42:47 AM »
The hamster would win. Plus you could call it a hampire.

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Online Victoria.T76

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Re: Vampire Hamster vs. Vampire Guinea Pig
« Reply #5 on: January 13, 2018, 10:14:34 AM »
Guinea pigs have the size and bulk advantage, but still, I would say hamster.

Hamsters are more aggressive than Guinea pigs, plus their bite hurt. Guinea pigs tend to nibble with maybe a cute bite thrown in. Plus female hamsters have been known to eat males if they try to mate with them when they are not in heat  ;D

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Re: Vampire Hamster vs. Vampire Guinea Pig
« Reply #6 on: January 13, 2018, 10:27:59 AM »
Yes, the hamster  / hampire - we once had the blood spatter round my son's bedroom to prove it!

Offline dgcasey

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Re: Vampire Hamster vs. Vampire Guinea Pig
« Reply #7 on: January 13, 2018, 10:48:23 AM »
Yes, the hamster  / hampire - we once had the blood spatter round my son's bedroom to prove it!

My question is, was your son able to fall asleep that night when you couldn't find the hamster?

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Offline Paranormal Kitty

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Re: Vampire Hamster vs. Vampire Guinea Pig
« Reply #8 on: January 13, 2018, 11:03:33 AM »
Plus female hamsters have been known to eat males if they try to mate with them when they are not in heat  ;D

"That's not what I meant when I asked you to dinner."

Offline Colin

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Re: Vampire Hamster vs. Vampire Guinea Pig
« Reply #9 on: January 13, 2018, 11:11:35 AM »
Re: Vampire Hamster vs. Vampire Guinea Pig

Which one would win in a death battle?
Not sure who would win, but a vampire hedgehog heavily infested with vampire fleas could take on the world...


Scratch, scratch.

Offline wheart

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Re: Vampire Hamster vs. Vampire Guinea Pig
« Reply #10 on: January 13, 2018, 11:27:43 AM »
OMG!! Why are those poor, innocent little critters even in a death battle?!! :'(

Offline Colin

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Re: Vampire Hamster vs. Vampire Guinea Pig
« Reply #11 on: January 13, 2018, 12:32:01 PM »
OMG!! Why are those poor, innocent little critters even in a death battle?!! :'(
Because they are subjected to supernatural selection.



Offline Paranormal Kitty

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Re: Vampire Hamster vs. Vampire Guinea Pig
« Reply #12 on: January 13, 2018, 12:38:44 PM »
Because they are subjected to supernatural selection.

You have a real talent :)

Offline wheart

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Re: Vampire Hamster vs. Vampire Guinea Pig
« Reply #13 on: January 13, 2018, 12:39:32 PM »
Because they are subjected to supernatural selection.

They didn't choose to be. Some evil Count Hamstula/Guinea Pigula seduced them and turned them into vampires against their will. And don't you dare victim blame!!

Offline Colin

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Re: Vampire Hamster vs. Vampire Guinea Pig
« Reply #14 on: January 13, 2018, 12:58:45 PM »
You have a real talent :)
Thank you for confirming my suspicions. I will use it wisely. :)

Offline Colin

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Re: Vampire Hamster vs. Vampire Guinea Pig
« Reply #15 on: January 13, 2018, 01:04:26 PM »
They didn't choose to be. Some evil Count Hamstula/Guinea Pigula seduced them and turned them into vampires against their will. And don't you dare victim blame!!
Victim blaming is a hate crime. I hate hate crimes.


Offline notjohn

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Re: Vampire Hamster vs. Vampire Guinea Pig
« Reply #16 on: January 13, 2018, 01:09:20 PM »
Which one would win in a death battle?

I would rather not think about it! For my sins, I am treasurer of a C Corp run by my kids, and among its assets is a web site. It got hacked, a fact to which we were alerted when Google found it was the source of pornography. All one afternoon I sat at my computer and deleted thousands of files in a folder called ALT-HAMSTER-DUCTTAPE.  That was seven or eight years ago, and I still get the shudders when I think about hamsters.
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Offline Jeff Tanyard

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Re: Vampire Hamster vs. Vampire Guinea Pig
« Reply #17 on: January 13, 2018, 01:52:34 PM »
Is this the 21st century's Watership Down?  Because that's what it sounds like.

Also, hamsters would win because they have an awesome dance.  Guinea pigs, not so much.


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Offline Monique

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Re: Vampire Hamster vs. Vampire Guinea Pig
« Reply #18 on: January 13, 2018, 02:02:49 PM »
OT: PK, did you ever publish your book? I remember all of your cover threads and things and was just wondering if so and how it went.

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Offline Benjamin Douglas

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Re: Vampire Hamster vs. Vampire Guinea Pig
« Reply #19 on: January 13, 2018, 02:22:37 PM »
I demand that you obtain a hamster and name him Vlad the Impaler.

Demand.

Offline Paranormal Kitty

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Re: Vampire Hamster vs. Vampire Guinea Pig
« Reply #20 on: January 13, 2018, 02:25:47 PM »
OT: PK, did you ever publish your book? I remember all of your cover threads and things and was just wondering if so and how it went.

No, I'm trying to get the whole series at least planned out first to make sure I'm not written into a corner on the first one. For the past couple of months, I have been dealing with too much other stuff to even work on it (ugh). I did come up with a much better title though.

I am actually playing with the idea of a spin-off novella about the vampire hamster, but I don't know if it's too weird. The hamster would turn into a bat and attempt to fly to his masters (the MCs of the series) who have gone to Buenos Aires...sort of a "Homeward Bound" scenario. He gets exhausted on the journey and crash lands amidst a herd of vampire guinea pigs. Then it could either be that they hold him prisoner, or he needs their help and has to win them over. Would readers think I'm insane if I wrote something like that alongside the series?

Offline K'Sennia Visitor

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Re: Vampire Hamster vs. Vampire Guinea Pig
« Reply #21 on: January 13, 2018, 02:52:00 PM »
 Not quite as epic as a vampire hamster and guinea pig fight, but here's a story I wrote one day just to be silly.

  The Demonic Hamster Story

Furry little puff of cream-colored hamster.
Tiny little teeth.
Filled young Madeline with terror.
Hes so cute, they said.
Pick him up, he wont hurt you, they said.
Thirty seconds of doubtful indecision. A second look at mom and dad. Reassuring smiles.
A tentative hand slowly reaching into the cage. Fingers met with smooth, short-haired coat.
Be gentle. There, thats all right. Bring him out and show him to your dad.
Small, adorable, bundle nestled under her chin.
A turn of her body to face her father. And ATTACK!
Sharp evil teeth biting into her eye.
Screams of anguish. Blood gushing as she frantically swung her head.
Demonic incisors digging in, holding on even harder.
GET IT OFF ME!
The dreadful sound of the plop as her eyeball detached itself from her head.
The wicked scurries sound like claws on a chalkboard as that demon hamster dropped to the floor and disappeared through a hideous crack in the wall.
Never to be seen again.
****

You know that story isnt true, right? Madelines older sister, Chloe asked as she adjusted a log in the fireplace.

It is true. I remember it vividly! Madeline looked to her boyfriend, Trey, who was snuggling her on the sofa.

If you say it happened, babe. I believe you, Trey said.

But you have two fully functioning eyes, Chloe pointed out.

Two beautiful brown ones, Trey confirmed, after taking a peek to be sure.

I cant explain that, but it did happen! Madeline insisted, pulling herself away from Trey to sit on the opposite end of the couch.

Chloe shook her head. Youve been having this nightmare since you were a kid. Thats why it feels so familiar. Its just not real.

No! Its more than that, Madeline stood, intending to leave her doubters behind to go sulk in her room.

Wait, you cant go, Chloe said. You havent opened your present yet. She rose from her place on the floor and walked over to a bookcase by the door.

I already opened my presents at dinner, Madeline said.

Not all of them, Chloe grinned mischievously as she handed her sister a small Altoids tin. I didnt want mom and dad to see this one.

What did you do? Madeline demanded.

Open it and see, Trey said, getting up to look over her shoulder. He seemed unusually excited.

Madeline had a terrible feeling. She didnt want to open it.

Hurry up its not going to bite you, Chloe said.

For real, youre going to love it, Trey said, sliding an arm around his girlfriends waist.

Madeline doubted this very much, but she didnt have a choice. Chloe had given her a gift. She had to open it.

With an ominous crack, the lid snapped off. Inside lay two green tickets.

Backstage Pass, they read. Deluxe Access. Front row seats. To see the Demonic Hamsters.

Im going to kill you, Madeline glared at Chloe.

Chloe smiled broadly back, her blue eyes dancing merrily.

Hey, these are amazeballs, Trey declared, taking the tickets reverently out of Madelines hands. And you love the Demonic Hamsters. Youve listened to their CDs with me, loads of times.

They still make CDs? How quaint, Chloe said.

Yeah the demonic hamsters are old school. You cant find anything of theirs online. No MP3's, no YouTube videos. Nothing.

OOH, how strange and mysterious! Chloe said.

Shut up, Chloe, Madeline snapped.

I dont get why youre acting like this, Trey said. These tickets cost me five paychecks.

Madeline was startled. You bought these?

Yeah. Ive wanted to see them live for ages. I thought youd be excited, too. Ive heard you
humming their music in the car with me.

Madelines heart ached. Trey sounded so hurt and betrayed. How could she tell him how much she hated his music? How she hadnt been humming along, but chanting to help her meditate and drown the godawful sounds out. She hadnt told him before because they rarely drove very far. It hadnt seemed important enough to start a conflict.

Im sorry, Trey. I didnt realize. Madeline said, trying to rub his arm reassuringly. But he pulled away.

Im sorry, too, Chloe said. When Trey told me what hed gotten for you I couldnt resist pulling a little prank. I know how much you hate hamsters. I thought it would be hilarious to see your face when you opened it. So I asked Trey if I could be the one to give it to you.

You knew she wouldnt like it? Trey looked furiously at Chloe.

You were here when she shared the hamster story.

Well, yeah. I guess I didnt think a rock band dressed up in hamster suits would scare her. I mean its not real.

Neither is her nightmare, Chloe said.

Would you two quit talking about me like I wasnt here? Madeline shouted.

Sorry, Chloe and Trey said together.

Look. I know my fear seems silly to you guys. But if you could only feel a half of what I feel every time I close my eyes .. You would understand and wouldnt joke about it.

So what do I do with the tickets? Trey asked. I got them for you, but if you dont want them

Maddy will go with you, Chloe said. She turned eighteen, today. Shes too mature now to let a childhood fear keep her away from a once-in-a-lifetime concert. Arent you, Maddy?

Madeline was furious. Furious about being called by her hated nickname. Furious with her older sister for manipulating her with her boyfriend. And furious at herself for not being able to say no.

Sure, Ill go with you, she said weakly.

You will? Thats great! Trey squeezed her tightly.

And Madeline smiled through the knot of fear already growing in her stomach. Theyre men in furry costumes. How bad it can be?

The concert hall was crowded and dark. Other than the stage, which was lit up like a neon rainbow.

The band hadnt come out yet and everyone was screaming out their name. Madeline and Trey were standing in the front row. Surrounded by very noisy and excited fans.

Everything will be just fine, she told herself.

Soon the familiar throbbing hypnotic beat filled her ears and these wicked huge hamster balls rolled onto the stage. The balls were so large one could easily run her over, Madeline thought. The clear plastic cages were controlled by ******* ginormous hamsters. One heard her sharp intake of breath and glared at her with its beady black eyes.

Madelines heart stopped for a beat. She couldnt breathe. Those hamsters were not men in suits. They were real!

Trey didnt seem to notice. He was too busy waving his hands in the air and screaming out horrible song lyrics.

Madeline grabbed his **** through his jeans and squeezed.

***! G** d******, Madeline. Whats wrong with you?

The hamsters, she said right into his ear. Theyre not men. Theyre real.

Trey looked at her like she was insane. Theyre not real. Theyre ******* performers.

Madeline forced herself to look at the stage again. The things in the balls. They were the size of men. But they looked too real to be fake. Their bodies were longer and leaner than ordinary rodents. Their tails were long and looked whipcord tough. Their fur could not be fake. Their movements, the way they pushed at the ball with their short hamster arms was too natural to be human. And then there was their eyes.

Those horrible glowing eyes. They were the most demonic looking eyes, Madeline had ever seen. And their teeth. Their teeth were sharp as butcher knives. Long, white butcher knives. She remembered how those teeth had felt wrapped around her eyeball. If her dad wouldnt have been there to yank the miniature killer away, she would be dead right now.

Madeline believed in her dream, right then, more than she ever had before. Seeing these hellish creatures standing and singing on stage, convinced her more than ever. But no one else could see it. Trey was still looking at her like she was crazy. And no one else in the crowd appeared to see it, either.

These demonic hamsters had come to hunt and kill everyone in that room. And no one knew, but her.

Trey, I know you dont believe me. But take me home now. Please!

Trey scowled, youre being ridiculous. They havent even finished their first song. You can go, if you want to. But Im staying here.

Madeline didnt want to leave her boyfriend there. What if the demons ate him? But that one hamster will still eyeing her. Did it just lick its chops? That settled it. She was out of there. She couldnt worry about Trey. She had to put herself first.

And so she ran.

She ran to the end of the row. Then she turned, and she ran down the center aisle. As fast as she could. The exit doors were within reach. She was almost there.

She tripped and she was falling.

Desperately, she put out her hands to halt herself. She saw a furry foot. A monstrously huge cream-colored foot. Nooooooo, she cried out.

She crashed to the ground. She looked up. Freakishly long whiskers struck her face. As the gargantuan rodent mouth opened and the impossibly long incisors chewed her head right from her body.

Trey never heard her scream. The music was too loud. No one else in the overflowing concert hall heard or saw anything, either. Too bewitched were they by the spellbinding demonic music. Madelines body was never found.

But Chloe found a tiny hamster running around her bedroom one night after the funeral. It looked at her with glowing red eyes and Chloe suddenly wondered, if her sister hadnt been right, after all.

The End

Offline K'Sennia Visitor

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Re: Vampire Hamster vs. Vampire Guinea Pig
« Reply #22 on: January 13, 2018, 02:55:30 PM »
No, I'm trying to get the whole series at least planned out first to make sure I'm not written into a corner on the first one. For the past couple of months, I have been dealing with too much other stuff to even work on it (ugh). I did come up with a much better title though.

I am actually playing with the idea of a spin-off novella about the vampire hamster, but I don't know if it's too weird. The hamster would turn into a bat and attempt to fly to his masters (the MCs of the series) who have gone to Buenos Aires...sort of a "Homeward Bound" scenario. He gets exhausted on the journey and crash lands amidst a herd of vampire guinea pigs. Then it could either be that they hold him prisoner, or he needs their help and has to win them over. Would readers think I'm insane if I wrote something like that alongside the series?

 I think your story sounds super cute!

 Have you ever read Bunnicula? Your story could be similar to that. There's an audience for everything, somewhere out there. As long as you just wrote it for fun, it should be worth it. :)

Online Rob Martin

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Re: Vampire Hamster vs. Vampire Guinea Pig
« Reply #23 on: January 13, 2018, 03:36:31 PM »
My daughter read this while sitting on my lap, now she'd demanding that I get her a vampire hamster. Now you have to write the book.

Offline C. Gold

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Re: Vampire Hamster vs. Vampire Guinea Pig
« Reply #24 on: January 13, 2018, 04:28:13 PM »
Delete this thread right now and (please, please, please!) write a series about them.
It will be a bestseller.
I'm not kidding.
I have a story in mind for the vampire hamsters. I just have to get some spare time. ;)

Offline Seann

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Re: Vampire Hamster vs. Vampire Guinea Pig
« Reply #25 on: January 13, 2018, 05:38:39 PM »
They would both be slain by the werewolf cat.

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Online Dennis Chekalov

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Re: Vampire Hamster vs. Vampire Guinea Pig
« Reply #26 on: January 13, 2018, 09:16:48 PM »
The hamster would turn into a bat and attempt to fly to his masters (the MCs of the series) who have gone to Buenos Aires...sort of a "Homeward Bound" scenario. He gets exhausted on the journey and crash lands amidst a herd of vampire guinea pigs.

This reminds me of this cartoon:

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_GNU31S4kY" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_GNU31S4kY</a>
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