Author Topic: Does this look like a good tagline?  (Read 895 times)  

Offline Lorri Moulton

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Does this look like a good tagline?
« on: February 09, 2018, 01:19:58 PM »
I'm trying to get some eyes on my fantasy book later this month.  Thank you!

ETA:  My blurb is not finished...I'm rewriting it, but have to wait for my book to go 'live' after changing the price for the weekend.


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Offline C. Gold

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Re: Does this look like a good tagline?
« Reply #1 on: February 09, 2018, 01:27:49 PM »
It's safe but generic. Is there anything that would make the protags or villains stand out from the crowd?

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Re: Does this look like a good tagline?
« Reply #2 on: February 09, 2018, 01:29:27 PM »
The one thing that's unique about my story...three characters (heroes) are never specified by gender.  It hasn't been a great selling point, but maybe I'm not approaching it the right way.

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Offline VirginiaMcClain

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Re: Does this look like a good tagline?
« Reply #3 on: February 09, 2018, 01:32:53 PM »
It strikes me as a rather long tagline. Any chance of hitting the high points in ten words or less?
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Offline Lorri Moulton

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Re: Does this look like a good tagline?
« Reply #4 on: February 09, 2018, 01:38:04 PM »
Here's what I had for my blurb.  It's not great.  I'm trying to change my genre from fairytale to fantasy.

An evil threat has returned to the lands! Robin and Jamie must help a fractured group of heroes reunite to solve an age-old prophecy. There's action, adventure, magic and romance in this epic fantasy with fairies, humans, villains and even a shape-shifting kelpie.

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Offline C. Gold

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Re: Does this look like a good tagline?
« Reply #5 on: February 09, 2018, 01:39:31 PM »
Are the fractured heroes going to have problems working together?
Are they enemies calling truce to fight a greater evil? Bitter rivals, lifelong enemies, distrustful of one another?
What type of characters are the heroes? Magic? Swords? Unarmed? Bard?
Dark lord and evil sorceress... do they do anything interesting besides evil, yarrr?
Any terrible prophecies to spout poetically?


Offline Lorri Moulton

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Re: Does this look like a good tagline?
« Reply #6 on: February 09, 2018, 01:57:12 PM »
1. Are the fractured heroes going to have problems working together?
2. Are they enemies calling truce to fight a greater evil? Bitter rivals, lifelong enemies, distrustful of one another?
3. What type of characters are the heroes? Magic? Swords? Unarmed? Bard?
4.  Dark lord and evil sorceress... do they do anything interesting besides evil, yarrr?
5.  Any terrible prophecies to spout poetically?

1.  Yes, the four elemental fairy groups have been divided since the last epic battle, 800 years ago.

2.  The dark lord and evil sorceress don't trust each other, plan to betray each other...but have to work together for now.  They're also sleeping together, but each is cheating on the other.  It's a bit twisted.

3.  The two main heroes are human, but the rest are elemental fairies and a kelpie.  They have magic, while the humans have a crossbow and sword.  One is a commoner and the other a noble.

4.  I refer to point 2. They have a twisted 'romance' and are stuck together until they can defeat the others.  Any more and I might ruin the story.

5.  The prophecy is written on a stone in the middle of a vineyard...the location of the previous battle.

Here lie the fallen people of our lands, who stood as one
Against the invaders.  They were separated in thought and deed,
Betrayed by the dark magic that corrupted one of their own.

They remain divided, even though the threat has been
Buried for eight hundred years.  The fighting stopped
But the battle was never over, merely waiting to begin anew.
 
When destiny meets itself, four will act as one and all will return.
Water must decide the fate of others to make up for its betrayal 
As the king's fruit circles and hinders evil with all its secrets.

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Offline ShayneRutherford

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Re: Does this look like a good tagline?
« Reply #7 on: February 09, 2018, 02:09:06 PM »
The one thing that's unique about my story...three characters (heroes) are never specified by gender.  It hasn't been a great selling point, but maybe I'm not approaching it the right way.

Are you saying that the reader has no idea what gender the three MCs are?
     

Offline C. Gold

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Re: Does this look like a good tagline?
« Reply #8 on: February 09, 2018, 02:13:52 PM »
As the king's fruit circles and hinders evil with all its secrets.
HAHAHA! Oh lordy, save us now from the evil flying banana!!

All kidding aside, I think you might have some fun stuff in the prophecy.

Once corrupted and betrayed, the four must become one to see evil undone.

The prophecy says they will unite. Over Robin's dead body. Never trust a Kelpie!

The prophecy was doomed to failure. Faries and Kelpies working together? No way. Unless...
« Last Edit: February 09, 2018, 02:19:21 PM by C. Gold »

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Re: Does this look like a good tagline?
« Reply #9 on: February 09, 2018, 02:14:57 PM »
Are you saying that the reader has no idea what gender the three MCs are?

Agree if the reader has no idea it's a gimmick that will probably end up annoying more people than it's worth.

I'd also offer another suggestion: change your title.

"Robin & Jamie" sounds like a romance title where the author couldn't think of anything better than the names of the main leads. There is nothing fantasy (fairytale or epic) about it. It's as uninspiring as titles come.

Offline Lorri Moulton

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Re: Does this look like a good tagline?
« Reply #10 on: February 09, 2018, 02:17:25 PM »
Are you saying that the reader has no idea what gender the three MCs are?

I'm saying the reader decides.  I never use third person/singular pronouns with those three characters.

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Offline Lorri Moulton

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Re: Does this look like a good tagline?
« Reply #11 on: February 09, 2018, 02:18:56 PM »
Agree if the reader has no idea it's a gimmick that will probably end up annoying more people than it's worth.

I'd also offer another suggestion: change your title.

"Robin & Jamie" sounds like a romance title where the author couldn't think of anything better than the names of the main leads. There is nothing fantasy (fairytale or epic) about it. It's as uninspiring as titles come.

I can't afford a new cover.

Gimmick might not be the right word...it's more of an attempt to have the MC's known for what they can accomplish, rather than if they're the guy or gal.
« Last Edit: February 09, 2018, 02:22:25 PM by Lorri Moulton »

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Offline ShayneRutherford

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Does this look like a good tagline?
« Reply #12 on: February 09, 2018, 02:26:22 PM »
I'm saying the reader decides.  I never use third person/singular pronouns with those three characters.

That would be the opposite of a selling point to me, because it feels really gimmicky. The gender of a character is a big part of who they are, and I would expect the writer to give me that info, not force me to make it up myself. Having to do so would ruin a lot of my immersion in the story, because I would always be wondering if what I was making up was right.
« Last Edit: February 09, 2018, 02:28:34 PM by ShayneRutherford »
     

Offline Lorri Moulton

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Re: Does this look like a good tagline?
« Reply #13 on: February 09, 2018, 02:29:58 PM »
That would be the opposite of a selling point to me, because it feels really gimmicky. The gender of a character is a big part of who they are, and I would expect the writer to give me that info, not force me to make it up myself.

I don't mention gender in the blurb.  I know it's difficult without reading the story, but I really don't think of it as a gimmick.  Do you have any suggestions about the tagline?

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Offline Monique

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Re: Does this look like a good tagline?
« Reply #14 on: February 09, 2018, 02:36:01 PM »
What happens when the fallen people rise?

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Re: Does this look like a good tagline?
« Reply #15 on: February 09, 2018, 02:38:13 PM »
What happens when the fallen people rise?

Did you read my book?  That happens. :)

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Offline Monique

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Re: Does this look like a good tagline?
« Reply #16 on: February 09, 2018, 02:39:08 PM »
It's in the prophecy. I'm suggesting it as the tagline.

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Offline ShayneRutherford

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Re: Does this look like a good tagline?
« Reply #17 on: February 09, 2018, 02:50:58 PM »
I don't mention gender in the blurb.  I know it's difficult without reading the story, but I really don't think of it as a gimmick.  Do you have any suggestions about the tagline?

As a reader, I do think of it as a gimmick, though. And it was noticeable enough to me when I read the blurb and the Look Inside a couple of months ago that I didn't go past the first couple of pages. I'm sorry, I wouldn't have mentioned it at all, because it's off-topic, except for the fact that you mentioned in another comment that you thought it was a selling point, and I thought having a different opinion might be useful.

I find the tag line a bit generic. Making it a bit more specific might help drum up more interest.
     

Offline Lorri Moulton

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Re: Does this look like a good tagline?
« Reply #18 on: February 09, 2018, 03:25:33 PM »
It's in the prophecy. I'm suggesting it as the tagline.

Thank you, Monique. :)

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Re: Does this look like a good tagline?
« Reply #19 on: February 09, 2018, 03:45:28 PM »
I can't afford a new cover.


Aww geez, I can just change the title for you.

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Re: Does this look like a good tagline?
« Reply #20 on: February 09, 2018, 03:49:12 PM »
Aww geez, I can just change the title for you.

Thanks, Patty. :)

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Offline ShayneRutherford

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Re: Does this look like a good tagline?
« Reply #21 on: February 09, 2018, 03:51:18 PM »
Aww geez, I can just change the title for you.

The cover designer might be willing to change the title for free. It can't hurt to ask.

Also, cover designers tend to frown on other people changing their work.
     

Offline Lorri Moulton

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Re: Does this look like a good tagline?
« Reply #22 on: February 09, 2018, 03:55:03 PM »
The cover designer might be willing to change the title for free. It can't hurt to ask.

Also, cover designers tend to frown on other people changing their work.

Shayne, I bought the cover from Patty.

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Offline SueSeabury

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Re: Does this look like a good tagline?
« Reply #23 on: February 09, 2018, 04:04:56 PM »
It's not really grabbing me. Can you come up with a double entendre, or perhaps a surprising contrast to make it catchier? That can include images in the cover itself.
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Re: Does this look like a good tagline?
« Reply #24 on: February 09, 2018, 04:13:35 PM »
Shayne, I bought the cover from Patty.

D'oh! Now I feel dumb. Sorry, I didn't realize that.

It's nice, and quite eye-catching.