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Rant: I Doth Consenteth Not

4K views 40 replies 31 participants last post by  Athena Grayson 
#1 ·
I do not consent.

Cat ipsum dolor sit amet, more napping, more napping all the napping is exhausting so litter kitter kitty litty little kitten big roar roar feed me but meoooow so make meme, make cute face. Scratch the furniture woops poop hanging from butt must get rid run run around house drag poop on floor maybe it comes off woops left brown marks on floor human slave clean lick butt now so under the bed, and leave hair everywhere, ccccccccccccaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttttttttssssssssssssssss yet love me! yet grab pompom in mouth and put in water dish. Stare at ceiling light sniff all the things for plays league of legends or rub whiskers on bare skin act innocent. Bathe private parts with tongue then lick owner's face i cry and cry and cry unless you pet me, and then maybe i cry just for fun stares at human while pushing stuff off a table so small kitty warm kitty little balls of fur. Wake up wander around the house making large amounts of noise jump on top of your human's bed and fall asleep again poop on grasses. Purr while eating poop on grasses when owners are asleep, cry for no apparent reason. Howl on top of tall thing curl up and sleep on the freshly laundered towels munch, munch, chomp, chomp purr meow all night having their mate disturbing sleeping humans for bleghbleghvomit my furball really tie the room together. Purr for no reason need to check on human, have not seen in an hour might be dead oh look, human is alive, hiss at human, feed me but chase imaginary bugs eat prawns daintily with a claw then lick paws clean wash down prawns with a lap of carnation milk then retire to the warmest spot on the couch to claw at the fabric before taking a catnap unwrap toilet paper, or purrrrrr, yet meow go back to sleep owner brings food and water tries to pet on head, so scratch get sprayed by water because bad cat. What a cat-ass-trophy! push your water glass on the floor run up and down stairs so why must they do that hide from vacuum cleaner meow all night. Has closed eyes but still sees you warm up laptop with butt lick butt fart rainbows until owner yells pee in litter box hiss at cats so scream at teh bath chase laser show belly. Meow meow, i tell my human groom forever, stretch tongue and leave it slightly out, blep, lick butt and make a weird face stares at human while pushing stuff off a table when in doubt, wash so sleep on my human's head. I shredded your linens for you stretch, or always ensure to lay down in such a manner that tail can lightly brush human's nose so pet me pet me don't pet me. Play time run around the house at 4 in the morning sit on the laptop paw at your fat belly.
 
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#27 ·
Friends probably feel awkward in situations like this. They don't want to say it's not their cup of tea, because they don't want to cause hard feelings. And if it's not their cup of tea they're not going to want to read it, both because it's not their cup of tea, and because if they don't like it they'll have to lie about it. So it's easier to just tell a little white lie at the beginning and try to avoid the subject entirely.
 
#28 ·
northstar said:
One of my friends bought my book, but couldn't get through it because she reads one genre only and this wasn't it. I appreciated the honesty, and the fact she actually bought it in the first place. I wouldn't mind if friends didn't rate or review if they would just support me by buying it. Donate it to the damn library or gift it to someone, but BUY IT lol.
Just out of curiosity, why should they buy it if they're not actually interested in reading it?
 
#31 ·
I was too shy to ask anyone I knew to read and review my first book. A coworker eventually read it and bought the paperback from me, which was nice. But when she asked for the next book, and I gave it to her while we were going somewhere, she forgot to pay me, so kind of a wash. lol

A few years after my first book was out, my bff and I were having lunch and she mentioned off-hand that she had read and reviewed my second book. I was like, oh wow. Cool. I hadn't known she was reading them. When I got home I checked her review and the name she used looked familiar (not her real name but one I recognized as a variation once I knew it was her.) I went back to my first book, and sure enough, she had left a review of the first one the year before when that book had already been out a year--I had about 80 reviews by then, so her review had escaped my notice. I don't know if she's still reading my books but I haven't seen a review on the last several. I don't think post-apoc is her thing and that's what I'm now writing. I'm still thrilled she took the initiative to do it though, without being asked.

I just think it would be nice if my mom read one of my books. She's in her late 70s and keeps saying she will get around to it. I don't think she ever will.  :(
 
#32 ·
After my best friend read one of my books, she left a five star review on Amazon. I then made the mistake of uploading her new cover for her children's book from my computer instead of hers. Now Amazon won't let her review any of my books.

Still, since it is against the rules for friends to leave reviews, I don't rant about it.
 
#33 ·


A poem, by Henry Gibson.
REVIEW HAIKU, GESUNDHEIT

Waiting for reviews
rainclouds ache over dead grass
I exude the blues

Yup, I am on cold meds today. But, hey, it rhymed and everything.

Remember, your very best reviews come once a month when the Amazon paycheck rolls in. Everything else is nothing but gravy. Fine and fattening, but it just isn't a necessary food group.

I've got a friend who bought one book of mine nearly twenty years ago.

She kept promising to come to a reading or a signing and buy another book.

Just last month, darned near twenty years later, she surprised the heck out of me and bought another book.

There is nothing in the friendship book that says that they have to deliver on time.
 
#35 ·
If a friend or acquaintance shows an interest in my books I usually offer to lend them a proof print copy  ::).

On a slightly different note. I've found it a bit of a problem when I have to buy copies of my book through CreateSpace and pay quite a hefty shipping fee and therefore only have a few hard copies for sale with virtually no profit, and a fellow writer suggests "Let's swap books" and I have no interest in their slim book of poetry. Seems a bit churlish to refuse. All I can come up with is a feeble "Okay".  :(
 
#36 ·
kathrynoh said:
Do people really ask friends and family to read and review books? Ick.
That was my reaction, too.

 
#37 ·
Jan Hurst-Nicholson said:
If a friend or acquaintance shows an interest in my books I usually offer to lend them a proof print copy ::).

On a slightly different note. I've found it a bit of a problem when I have to buy copies of my book through CreateSpace and pay quite a hefty shipping fee and therefore only have a few hard copies for sale with virtually no profit, and a fellow writer suggests "Let's swap books" and I have no interest in their slim book of poetry. Seems a bit churlish to refuse. All I can come up with is a feeble "Okay". :(
I haven't had anyone ask to swap books, but if they did, I would have no problem in refusing, especially if it is poetry.
 
#38 ·
Evelyn Alexie said:
Auuuugh! Stop that! ;)

I know I need to work on that Patience stuff. Probably after a few more books I'll acquire some. Or perspective. One of those things.
Funny. "The pain, the pain, oh the pain". Dr. Smith from "Lost in Space". I feel your pain. A few reviews does help move up a rung on the ladder. (As I stand looking up from the bottom of it. ) :p
 
#39 ·
Atlantisatheart said:
I've got you all beat - I don't have any friends. :(
Me, either!

And family? My own kids? They don't read my books nor do I ask them to. However, I did dedicate a book (YA Sci-Fi Romance) to my dad and he read it. His comment, "It was pretty good," he said with a tone of surprise. "Much better than other stuff you've written in the past." Me: Sigh.

My mom is the only one who reads all of my books and loves them. :D
 
G
#40 ·
weeble said:
Well, I've learned something today. Though we each live from one corner of the world to another and write in many genres, evidently we all have the same group of reading friends. ;D
:eek: ;D ;D ;D

In all seriousness, though, don't ask friends and family to review your books. Amazon will just end up removing them once their magical algorithms figure out you know each other. So even asking is an exercise in futility.

It sure wouldn't hurt them to share your promo links on Facebook though...
 
#41 ·
kathrynoh said:
Do people really ask friends and family to read and review books? Ick.
Yeah. If I have to make six metric tons of macaroni salad for the family reunion, then they can pony up a few bucks and say something nice about my book. It's a family thing.

In seriousness, I don't. My mother can't remember my pen name, and most of my family does not know how to buy things off Amazon. And we're not even Amish. I have one cousin and one aunt who read my stuff and remember who I am, but they don't live nearby and they don't tell me when they're reading or if they review.
 
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