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Messages - Dennis Chekalov

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1
I vote for C.

You are absolutely right, using fighters isn't epic at all.
It was epic in the first Star Wars movie, but it was many years ago.

Using Space Marines isn't much better, either.
Actually, we've seen it in the same Star Wars movie (the opening scene).
And think about Master of Orion - using Space Marines is an everyday routine there.
I'd say you need something new, something epic.

4
Writers' Cafe / Re: Vampire Hamster vs. Vampire Guinea Pig
« on: January 13, 2018, 09:16:48 PM »
The hamster would turn into a bat and attempt to fly to his masters (the MCs of the series) who have gone to Buenos Aires...sort of a "Homeward Bound" scenario. He gets exhausted on the journey and crash lands amidst a herd of vampire guinea pigs.

This reminds me of this cartoon:

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_GNU31S4kY" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_GNU31S4kY</a>

5
Writers' Cafe / Re: Vampire Hamster vs. Vampire Guinea Pig
« on: January 13, 2018, 09:09:47 AM »
Delete this thread right now and (please, please, please!) write a series about them.
It will be a bestseller.
I'm not kidding.

6
Writers' Cafe / Re: Music While Writing
« on: January 13, 2018, 09:07:22 AM »
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JmprpRIsEY" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JmprpRIsEY</a>

7
Writers' Cafe / Re: Play to readers' prejudices or challenge them?
« on: January 08, 2018, 11:10:24 AM »
Here's a good movie about the relationship between art and audience...
(by a female director, btw)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JZzsIncaVo

8
And please, if you are going to mention Russians in your book, find a good Russian bear with balalaika beta reader :)

9
Writers' Cafe / Re: Is Feedback Requested Here?
« on: January 05, 2018, 12:33:51 PM »
If you need feedback, you may want to consider asking for free beta reading or MS swap.

10
Writers' Cafe / Re: opinions about new website please
« on: January 01, 2018, 10:25:22 PM »
(1) Loading speed. Some people have fast Internet. Some don't.
(2) The header. It doesn't say "I'm a book author." It says "It's a site about magic."
(3) The first row of posts. The same.
(4) The menu. Hm.

I'd say, simpler it better.

Just my two cents.
Good luck!

11
Writers' Cafe / Re: Help with a Blurb
« on: January 01, 2018, 05:56:29 AM »
Quote
I think most people understand what

If something can be misunderstood, it will be.

12
Writers' Cafe / Re: Help with a Blurb
« on: December 31, 2017, 08:43:47 PM »
The Gold Rule #1: your genre and your setting first.

Quote
Twenty-three year-old Elora White is stuck in limbo

Sounds like we have a paranormal thriller.
A horror about afterlife.

Quote
living in Santa Rosa, taking care of her absent father and making yearly trips to visit her mother's hospital bed halfway across the state. So basically living everyone's worst nightmare.

Now it sounds like a contemporary drama.
Literary fiction.

Quote
Katelyn Reid is gaining her engineering degree working on malfunctioning robot nurses at the local hospital.

And only now, in the middle of the blurb, we meet robots. Too late.

Quote
Elijah Williams is spreading his passion for farming in through outreach programs to teens.

Social programs? Or computer programs? It's a bit confusing.
People read blurbs inattentively, don't forget this.

Quote
None of them have anything in common.

All of them live in the same country.
Speak the same language.
All of them (apparently) belong to the middle-class.
They have a lot in common.

Quote
But they are about to. Because they are all trying to survive a p*ssed off psycho AI whose only goal seems to be the complete annihilation of the human race.

Your antagonist and the stakes appear too late.

Just my two cents.
Good luck!

13
Writers' Cafe / Re: A quick question about foreign langauges
« on: December 31, 2017, 08:28:42 PM »
Please feel free to contact me, if you need help with Russian.

14
Writers' Cafe / Re: $100 original sci-fi cover art
« on: December 28, 2017, 10:36:34 PM »
Building a client base and reputation takes time.

(1) First of all, you need a good website.
Your Artstation page isn't enough.

(2) You need examples to show.

You have many different illustrations,
but what you need to show are cover illustrations.

You need a page with cover illustrations, which look like
actual covers (even if without titles and such).

These could be good covers:

https://www.artstation.com/artwork/kXAvA
https://www.artstation.com/artwork/bRYxr

These are arts, not covers:

https://www.artstation.com/artwork/3gJyA
https://www.artstation.com/artwork/5gBxz
https://www.artstation.com/artwork/KoJ4y

These arts distract our attention.

Good luck!

15
Writers' Cafe / Re: Is there a writer service like this? (descriptions)
« on: December 28, 2017, 10:30:03 PM »
What are you talking about is called ghostwriting.
Well, usually a ghostwriter writes a whole book, but I'm sure you can find a ghostwriter for this job.
However, I wouldn't recommend it.
It's much better to write yourself. It takes time to learn and to train, but it's worth it.

16
Quote
Javin Pierce, the best CIS covert operative

(1) What is CIS?

Canadian Identification Society?
Commonwealth Investigation Service (Australia)?
Commonwealth of Independent States (former Soviet Republics)?

We don't know what CIS is, and this is a bit confusing.

(2) Don't call him "the best operative." Sounds a bit awkward. Say "an experienced operative" or something like this.

Quote
must retrieve a flash drive containing explosive classified intelligence

(1) Way too long.
(2) Sounds like the flash if explosive (literally).

Quote
that could topple many governments of the free world

Sounds a bit too ironic.
In the free world people suppose to be free.
If one single flash can ruin everything, it's not a free world, it's a world of lies.

Quote
The flash drive is already in the wrong hands

Whose hands?
Introduce the antagonist.

Quote
when Javin and his team

So, he works with a team.

Quote
descend on Istanbul, Turkey.

Good.

Quote
Then the search takes them neck-deep into a complicated web of lies and deception.

We don't need this.
You said that the free world is in danger.
After that, "a web of lies" is a downstep.

Quote
Javin and Claudia, his less-than-trusted partner,

(1) Does he work with his team or with his partner?
Yes, technically both answers can be right.
But this sounds a bit too confuring in the blurb.

(2) Is Claudia the second protagonist?
We need to know more about her.

Quote
now have to contend with a series of terrorist attacks that almost claimed their lives, as well as betrayal from someone on the inside.

Make this much shorter.

Quote
Unprepared for the shocking truth

Best secret agents are unprepared for "the shocking truth"?
They aren't some naive boyscouts, they are secret agents.

Quote
as they flee into violence-soaked Syria,

OK

Quote
Javin and Claudia need to access the files stored on the flash drive.

Why?
They already know "the shocking truth," don't they?

Quote
But will they be able to get to the bottom before it is too late?

Too late for what?
Tell us more about the stakes.

Just my two cents.
Good luck!

17
Thank you for information!

Self-nominations completely encouraged.

Could you please quote the rules?

18
Russia, Rostov on Don.

19
Just use some free Wordpress theme.
The simplest is the best sometimes.

20
Writers' Cafe / Re: Editing sequence question.. Help a newbie out
« on: December 19, 2017, 04:03:49 PM »
Don't forget the first rule:
ask for a free sample first.
Always.

21
Writers' Cafe / Re: Online Critique Group Suggestions, Please!
« on: December 18, 2017, 03:38:32 PM »
He may want to consider hiring a writing coach, a developmental editor or a paid beta reader at least.
This may be useful.

22
Writers' Cafe / Re: List woes, etc
« on: December 15, 2017, 08:51:40 PM »
(1) I'd say that you cover says Non-Fiction.
The title across the whole cover in big letters, a standard font.
As a general rule, fiction books are different.

(2) Your blurb could use reworking.

23
Writers' Cafe / Re: Blurb and cover, cover and blurb <sigh>
« on: December 15, 2017, 06:05:30 AM »
The cover

(1) #1 Rule: Only. Two. Fonts.
(2) Your first font (D Glenn Casey) is a space sci fi font. Doesn't fit here.
(3) The planet says Space Sci Fi, too.
(4) Nothing says Paranormal.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The blurb is too long. Way too long.

Quote
Melanie Peters has always been a good girl.

Good.

Quote
Never doing anything bad, other than a little mischief with her best friend, Carol.

We just don't need this.

Quote
So, why would one of Lucifer's demons be so interested in her?

Would be good.
However, it's no wonder that demons are interested in good people.
Demons like torture good people or make good people become sinners etc.
So no mistery here, and we have no blurb hook.

Quote
Why would he kill her in the most ridiculous way imaginable and send her to the "Gates of St. Peter" earlier than they were expecting her? Sorry, but you can't just walk into Heaven unless your number has been called and Melanie is at least fifty years early. Her number hasn't even been printed yet. So, what's a girl to do?

Way too long. Make it short. One short sentence.

Quote
She finds out that she can still influence people.

OK, maybe.

Quote
She finds that she can still touch their hearts and help guide them through the maze of trouble that is everyday life.

Good.

Quote
With that in mind, she begins looking after the people in her little town, while she waits for her interview to get into Heaven.

Good, but make this shorter.

Quote
At first, she doesn't realize she isn't the only one that can influence people.

You'll explain this later, so we don't need this line.

Quote
She never dreamed there were other angels at work,

Is she an angel? According the blurb, she is a restless soul, not an angel.

Quote
who were not interested in helping people to reach Heaven. Their job and their goal is to trip them up and drag them down.

Good, but make this shorter.

Quote
Coming face-to-face with pure evil is something she never had to worry about when she was alive, but now in death, it is staring her right in the face.

Not bad, but we already know this.

Quote
Oh, and as Melanie is fighting to protect her town and the people she loves from the dark angels, she'd really like to know why all the other angels keep telling her they expect great things from her when she does reach Heaven. What is that all about? Join Melanie as she comes to find out that she is one of the most important spirits in the coming war for Heaven.

Way too long. Make it short. One short sentence. - II

Just my two cents.
Good luck!

24
Writers' Cafe / Re: Make Me Hate You by Criticizing My Blurb
« on: December 14, 2017, 05:31:52 PM »
Quote
It's as if Phineas Ray never existed.

Who is Ray? Why should we care?

Quote
It's as though the most famous athlete ever known was never born.

It's a blurb.
No one will read it throughly.
As for now, it's difficult to understand what all of this is about.
Make it clear and simple.

Quote
Enter Rick Fieldman,

Who is Friedman?
We haven't finished with Ray yet.
Too confusing.

Quote
who seeks to unravel the mystery

A bit too vague.

Quote
in this comically absurd sci-fi adventure.

A bit too vague II.

Quote
Rick's dying grandfather seems to be the only one who remembers Phineas Ray,

OK

Quote
so Rick sets out on a quest to discover the surprising truth about the legendary baseball player.

A bit too many loud words (quest, surprising, legendary).

Quote
Along the way he meets an axe-wielding store owner, a shady merchant who lives with the ghost of his dead wife, a holy man who lives in a hedonistic mansion, and many other colorful characters in his ludicrous adventure through his small town. Come along for the ride as Rick dodges an assassin, survives a zombie outbreak, and gets carried away by imaginary flying monkeys. And once you get past the dancing gnome and the talking fish,

Too much information, too many characters.
Spoilers.

Quote
you'll discover the shocking truth about why no one (not even you) remembers the baseball player or the zombies.

The final line should be stronger.

Just my two cents.
Good luck!

25
Writers' Cafe / Re: Fiverr Beta Reader Service
« on: December 12, 2017, 02:11:36 PM »
A quick question.
I charge $2 per 1000 words; isn't it too much for Fiverr?

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