Need Perfect Gift? Shop Amazon Gift Cards. Any Occasion.

Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.


Messages - Dana L.

Pages: [1] 2 3 4
1
Cover #1 is the best! I didn't notice "Book One" immediately; it needs something to make it more obvious. This cover is so great; I love it.

2
Writers' Cafe / Re: help with book cover
« on: Today at 07:17:28 AM »
I think the jigsaw is a cool idea, but it needs to be smaller and have some missing pieces. I agree the noose looks staged, and that the top image is better than the bottom image.

3
Writers' Cafe / Re: Does your book need proofread or edited? I can help!
« on: December 03, 2017, 07:49:54 AM »
Hello Kboard authors,

If you have a book you'd like to get edited or proofread, please feel free to get in touch. I have a couple openings left for December. I'll do a sample chapter of your book for free with no obligation and answer any questions you may have. I love working with authors and will listen to you and your goals. I'm here to help you make your book what you know it can be!

--Dana


4
Writers' Cafe / Re: Blurb Help - Aubrey Arthur
« on: December 03, 2017, 07:31:38 AM »
Hey. Since you've already gotten feedback on the plot and concepts, I thought I'd let you know some wording and presentation tweaks I feel would help your blurb. By the way, it doesn't seem to me strange that she goes to school; the cataclysm just destroyed the magicians, not the normal world, right?

Here goes:

Aubrey Arthur seems like a normal twelve year-old girl, but she has a big secret. Aubrey comes from a long line of wizards, and her family is part of a hidden community of magicians, creatures of the night, and demigods, who have lived side-by-side with the non-magical world throughout recorded history.

A mysterious cataclysm wipes out most of the magic users in the world, including her parents and siblings, and Aubrey finds herself suddenly orphaned in a world with very little magic left in it. Living in her parents� big, empty house with nothing but a glitchy, mute golem and a basement full of inert mystical artifacts for company, Aubrey uses what little magic she has left to hide her situation from the normal world.

But Aubrey isn�t the only magic survivor of the cataclysm, and some of those other survivors soon show up. A fairy breaks into her house, and a horde of zombies attack her after school. And that's just the beginning.

When someone she thought was dead arrives on her doorstep, she realizes that the last source of magic left in the world may be hidden somewhere in her house. And Aubrey Arthur, a sixth grader with very little magical training, is the only one left who can defend it.

5
Writers' Cafe / Re: Help me slap my first blurb into shape
« on: December 02, 2017, 03:40:01 PM »
I think your first blurb is better. I do think it needed some tweaking, as I did in a previous post, but it' intriguing, it's more interesting, and doesn't have the end so well defined. The second blurb gives too much of the end away / sounds bland by saying  "settled in their cabins... "

6
Writers' Cafe / Re: Help me slap my first blurb into shape
« on: November 30, 2017, 10:09:52 AM »
I don't mind running shoes at Christmas (people run all year many places), besides, I took it as a metaphor. But is she actually running up to the cabin? Or driving? She has the accident with the deer while on foot?   Here's my version:

Mara Quinn has always been a runner. Running from her past. Running from her mistakes. With a storm of massive proportions brewing off the coast just before Christmas break, and reporters intent on discovering the ugly truth about the scandal she was involved in months earlier with a married senator, Mara is lacing up her running shoes. On the verge of losing her job and faced with the prospect of celebrating Christmas with no one but the herd of reporters on her front lawn, she heads up to The Hideaway, a secluded cabin where the reporters will never find her. An accident with a flying deer takes her off course and straight into the arms of her ruggedly handsome rescuer, Beau Chapman.

Beau is a good man in a storm, but the death of his wife three years ago left him feeling lost, avoiding life and love. The only thing he looks forward to is spending his Christmas vacation from The Herald at his cabin, writing his novel, with an endless supply of coffee and his dog Boomer. Once Beau recognizes Mara as the woman from the sexting scandal he uncovered, he realizes she's nothing at all like he imagined. She's smart and independent with a smile and joy about her that makes life worth living again. She's everything he dreamed of ... if he was willing to let himself dream again.

Can two weeks and the magic of Christmas be enough for them to find happiness and mend their broken hearts?

7
Hey,

I like it! Nice. I really, really like the font of the words on the slider "Once I get them back from the pro artist." I can't help but wonder how it would look to use that font for the text you've changed from the "romance" font. I like the font you have now, though. Especially at the top of the home page where you have your mirth and magic phrase in lower case.

You've got a very cool website. Love the design.

8
Writers' Cafe / Re: Critique a western book description, please
« on: November 30, 2017, 09:49:05 AM »
This might be a bit wordy. I'd appreciate comments and suggestions.

==============
Chance Weston and John Hall arrive in a small town in the New Mexico Territory in the fall of 1876, looking for work. A gold rush has sent most of he young men to the north, and a family of toughs and their hired guns have run off many more.

Except for a few stragglers, the elderly, coal miners, cowhands passing through, and the abandoned womenfolk, it would be a ghost town. As it is, only the saloons and bordello flourish.

Quiet and resolved April, the choir director, and flamboyant and promiscuous May, the blackjack dealer, are as different inside as they are alike in appearance. Chance and John compete over who ought to win the affections of which lovely sister. One manís strict adherence to the law and the otherís disregard for his vows have put the two men at odds.

In the meantime, they must deal with town bullies, gunslingers, an adulteress Sunday School teacher, lynch mobs, a riderless horse, and an understaffed and inept town council that bends the law to its own purposed.

If they fail to put aside their differences and perform their duties, good people could be tarred and feathered at best, lynched at worst, and the town could be burned to the ground.

Your blurb interests me in your story. It is a little too long, and there are a few confusing sentences. Here's my tweaked version:

Chance Weston and John Hall arrive in a small town in the New Mexico Territory in the fall of 1876, looking for work. It might as well be a ghost town. A gold rush has sent most of the young men to the north, and a family of toughs and their hired guns have run off many more. All that remain are a few stragglers, the elderly, coal miners, cowhands passing through, and the abandoned womenfolk. As it is, only the saloons and bordello flourish.

Two sisters, quiet and resolved April, the choir director, and flamboyant and promiscuous May, the blackjack dealer, are as different inside as they are alike in appearance. Chance and John compete over who ought to win the affections of which lovely sister. One manís strict adherence to the law and the otherís disregard for his vows put the two men at odds.

In the meantime, they must deal with town bullies, gunslingers, an adulteress Sunday School teacher, lynch mobs, a riderless horse, and an understaffed and inept town council that bends the law to its own purposed.

If they fail to put aside their differences and perform their duties, good people could be tarred and feathered at best, lynched at worst, and the town burned to the ground.

9
Writers' Cafe / Re: I would love your feedback on my cover!
« on: November 28, 2017, 07:58:58 AM »
It's beautiful. I agree mildly about the sword. I like the idea of moving up your name. I think the cover definitely looks YA and I would try darkening it a bit, so it looks a little less cheery?

10
I figured you were going for magical with the font, but I don't think it's quite right. It does look more like romance. I like the idea of a unique, fancy font, though.

I like the honest approach and the layout. I think it's a great website--more enjoyable to browse through than most! It looks professional and really clean. I like the blue and white theme a lot.

Fantastic!

11
Writers' Cafe / Re: This or That? (Cover Design)
« on: November 26, 2017, 12:57:18 PM »
Option 1 is my favorite. I like the closer-up face and the darker background. In Options 2 and 3, the text doesn't contrast well enough with the light background.

12
Writers' Cafe / Re: Deadline to meet? I'm an editor with openings.
« on: November 26, 2017, 11:26:52 AM »
Thanks, Riley, it was great working for you. You're a great writer and I'm glad you like my work.

13
Writers' Cafe / Re: How do I format this?
« on: November 23, 2017, 08:11:07 AM »
How do I format the date/place label at the beginning of the prologue?

Sunday, August 28, 2005
Lower Ninth Ward, New Orleans, Louisiana

Should I do it on two lines like that, or one? Bold, italic, left align, center, etc.? Is the comma the right way to separate the neighborhood from the town? I can't seem to get it to look right. The chapter heading is above the date/place.

Left:

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Lower Ninth Ward
New Orleans, Louisiana


14
Writers' Cafe / Re: Blurb in need of some help
« on: November 23, 2017, 07:11:32 AM »
Good luck with A Love that Heals, austenlover! You've got a great blurb now. :)

15
Writers' Cafe / Re: does my blurb need work?
« on: November 23, 2017, 07:08:18 AM »
hm. so instead of 'this novel', you'd rather 'this is a story about'?

I think those two phrases are about the same. I would tend to write it like I did in my first version of your blurb: "Blood and Water is about family... "  I actually personally kind of like it the way you have it written now. It's not as edgy or raw as blurbs usually strive for. But I like books that are gentle and deep. If this vibe fits with your book, maybe it's fine the way you have it.

Tucson, Arizona is a place for runaways. Everyone you meet here came from somewhere else and has a story about what they left behind. Blood & Water tells these stories, following the deep connections between this unlikely group of friends.
 
Delilah arrives on her brother's doorstep with a secret. She hasn't seen him in five years. He ran away from their family long ago for reasons no one talks about and she still doesn't understand. The stress of raising his teenage daughter alone sometimes makes David envious of his deliberately childless friends, Tim and Sara, but they're runaways too. Tim left the only other person who remembers his mother the way he does and Sara ran from the burden of other people's expectations. Together they'll learn you can't run forever.
 
This novel is about family, in its various manifestations: the one you're born into, the one you choose and the one you create.

I think you need to use David's name sooner in the paragraph. "She hasn't seen him in five years. David ran away from their family... "

16
Writers' Cafe / Re: does my blurb need work?
« on: November 22, 2017, 06:27:26 PM »

This version is better. I don't mind being introduced to that many characters. But, I think it's best to just state what's in the book without referencing the book's title, or at least avoid saying "this novel... ". It makes it sound like a book report, not an intriguing blurb.

I still very much like your ending, it makes me want to read your book. :)

17
Writers' Cafe / Re: Blurb in need of some help
« on: November 22, 2017, 11:06:33 AM »
Wow! This great. I love it. Now I definitely want to read the book!

18
Writers' Cafe / Re: does my blurb need work?
« on: November 22, 2017, 10:07:31 AM »
I like the concept of the book from what you've written. The last sentence definitely draws me in.

Here are a few ideas / tweaks.

Maybe add a bit more why: Why is Delilah arriving on her brother's doorstep. Is she in crisis? Or just on a mission to tell him a secret, or she keeping  secret from him? Describe her brother a bit more; just an adjective or two so we get a feel for him. Is he angry? Reclusive?


Tucson, Arizona is a place for runaways. Everyone you meet here came from somewhere else and has a story about what they left behind.
 
Delilah arrives on her brother's doorstep with a secret. She hasn't seen him in five years. He ran away from their family long ago for reasons no one talks about. When Delilah gets to know his friends, Tim and Sara, she realizes they have their own stories that create a deep connection between this unlikely group of friends.
 
Blood and Water is about family, in its various manifestations: the one you're born into, the one you choose and the one you create.

19
Writers' Cafe / Re: Switching Editors Mid Series
« on: November 21, 2017, 12:30:45 PM »
My advice as an editor is for you to ask your new editor to read one of the previous books in the series before editing the next book for you. This should give them a good view of the style so they can match it in their editing of the newer books. Let me know if I can ever be of help to you in this transition!

20
Writers' Cafe / Re: Blurb in need of some help
« on: November 21, 2017, 12:23:00 PM »
Yeah, I want to read your book too, so you are on the right track!

21
Writers' Cafe / Re: Blurb in need of some help
« on: November 21, 2017, 08:58:47 AM »

This story is a contemporary romance about 24 year old Chloe Slater, who was raped as a 17 year old. She has pretty much closed herself off to love, as the thought of being with a man terrifies her. She's managed to carve out a career as a carer looking after the elderly. But in her sometimes emotional fragile state, she finds it hard to keep losing them, so decides to work for someone younger.

She becomes the carer for Sam, an injured soldier, who is stuck in a wheelchair due to an incomplete spinal cord injury. She thinks he will be quite weak, but he is still very strong and in great shape, which shocks her and she's initially concerned about being alone with him. He can still do most things for himself, including being able to use crutches occasionally, but his back can't hold his body weight for too long. He resents having carers and doesn't make life easy for Chloe in the beginning, but she tries to get through to him so they can get along.

The story follows how Sam slowly warms up to her, and he eventually falls in love, while Chloe begins to trust him and thinks she might possibly be able to have a relationship at last. Of course, nothing runs smoothly and Chloe's past comes back to haunt her, forcing her to freak out and she quits her job. Obviously there is a HEA after a period of turmoil for the lovers.



I agree with Dennis that your Background is much closer to what you need than your blurb. Here's a tweaked version of the background that makes a good blurb, in my opinion. Hope it helps.

24r-year old Chloe Slater was raped as a 17-year-old. She has closed herself off to love, and the thought of being with a man terrifies her. She's managed to carve out a career as a caretaker for the elderly. But in her emotionally fragile state, she finds it hard to keep losing them, so decides to work for someone younger.

She becomes the caretaker for Sam, an injured soldier, who is stuck in a wheelchair due to an incomplete spinal cord injury. He is still very strong and in great shape, erasing her comfort zone that he would be weak, and she's initially concerned about being alone with him. He can  do most things for himself, including using crutches occasionally, but his back can't hold his body weight for too long. He resents having caretakers and makes life tough for Chloe. She tries to get through to him, so they can get along well enough for her to keep her job.

Sam can't stand how Chloe makes him feel. He's broken and he needs his barriers. She's trying to get through them, and that's the last thing he can let happen. Why is she already under his skin like no caretaker he's ever had?

Chloe never expects Sam to warm up to her, but when he does, she wants him. Then her past comes back to haunt her, she freaks out, and she quits her job. Will Chloe ever be able to let go of the past and trust Sam, a man she knows has the potential to unravel her ... mind, body and soul?



22
Writers' Cafe / Re: My Book in a Secondary School Library!
« on: November 21, 2017, 08:02:42 AM »
I know as a kid I bought books by authors I first discovered in a Library. So that's exciting... it may get you new fans, plus it's getting read! Must be a great feeling.

23
Not Quite Kindle / Re: Change a Letter to Create a New word
« on: November 19, 2017, 11:51:59 AM »
wretch

24
Hi Tiagobear,

I'm Dana Lee, and I am an editor. I'd love to edit and proofread your book. I'll send you a PM.

I have my own thread here on Kboards: https://www.kboards.com/index.php/topic,255630.msg3595273.html#msg3595273

25
Writers' Cafe / Re: Risky 2nd Attempt at Blurb
« on: November 19, 2017, 10:14:56 AM »
Nice! Kudos to you for putting so much work into this. It was worth it!

Pages: [1] 2 3 4