Author Topic: Is my blurb rubbish?  (Read 709 times)  

Offline ethansan

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Is my blurb rubbish?
« on: August 15, 2014, 12:48:09 am »
Hi, I've just joined kboards today, although I have been reading a lot of posts over the last week or so. Only found kboards by accident, but I can't believe the advice and help that you guys offer on here, so a huge thank you for that. I'm rambling, so anyway I'm a pretty new author and had my first book pulished in June. (working on the second at the moment). Some days I sell a copy or few, and some days I don't but I think the average is around 1 every 2 days.

I've been reading on here on how important the blurb for a book is, and to be honest when I didn't really consider this when uploading the book. I really don't know whether my blurb is ok or if it needs to be changed, so I was wondering if any of you guys could have a quick look if you get time and give me your thoughts on it, and how I can make it better. I'd appreciate any advice on it and if I can help anyone in any way, I will. However I don't have much experience in all this yet, so perhaps I can give some advice on how to make a decent cup of tea when you're having a break from writing. I'm rambling again. so thanks in advance for any thoughts  :) Oh..the link for the book is below if anyone's interested.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Hidden-Fenris-Werewolves-Shifters-ebook/dp/B00KUPGPTK



Ethan Sandlow

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    Offline Kylo Ren

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    Re: Is my blurb rubbish?
    « Reply #1 on: August 15, 2014, 01:10:17 am »
    I took a quick glance (it's easier if you actually wouldn't mind putting the description in your post for easy reference), and a few things popped out at me. You've got some weird timey wimey stuff going on. Talking about how your character's life is going to change, is about to change doesn't work for me. Write your description like you're telling the beginning of the story in kind of an outline form. There is a double word in the second paragraph. By that point, I would've already passed. If there are typos in your description, how many are going to be in your book? Also, your description is too long.

    A helpful user on this forum has outlined the way you should attack a description, by answering these five questions:
    1. Who is your main character?
    2. What does she want?
    3. What's stopping her from getting what she wants?
    4. What does she need to do overcome that?
    5. What are the stakes?

    Also, to me, it's confusing that the book is subtitled a Fenris Lyall tale, but that's not your main character. Just a thought.

    Good luck. It's hard, I know.

    Offline ethansan

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    Re: Is my blurb rubbish?
    « Reply #2 on: August 15, 2014, 01:32:28 am »
    Thank you for the quick responses.

    Sorry for not putting the blurn on here, will remember for next time.

    artofstu - Thanks for taking a look at it. Fenris Lyall is meant to be the main character, so looks like I messed up on that one. I'll double check the typos, the 5 points you mention are really helpful and i'll use themto change the blurb today, thanks again : )

    Dennis Chekalov - I'll rewrite the blurb following the tips artofstu gave me and drop it down to 3 paragraphs. Do I ask for a cover critique here or should I put it in another thread? Appreciate you taking the tim to reply. I've put the blurb below: Is it ok to put the re-written blurb here when it's done?

    Thanks again guys.

    There was nothing extraordinary about Amanda Burrage's life. Working in a library by day and helping out at a homeless shelter a few evenings a week was a lonely existence, but within a few hours, it was going to be an existence that would be lost to her forever!.

    Her life was about to be turned upside down, as she would find herself walking into a storm that would open her mind to a world which belonged on the pages of books and and bad horror movies. She was also about to discover that she was part of a group called The Hidden!

    Thrust into a world of horror and the supernatural, where figures that should have belonged in the world of fantasy and the paranormal, had appeared in order to manipulate the gifts that she possessed for their own ends. Gifts which she had been completely unaware of, until that night.

    The jackels sent by The Faction had come first, and they would have claimed her if it hadn't been for the appearance of Fenris Lyall, a tall, silent, and mysterious stranger. This giant of a man had stopped her from being abducted by the shifters. It was only later that she was to discover that Fenris was a Lycan, or werewolf as she called him. However what she didn't know was that Fenris was not just an ordinary werewolf. He had no pack, but was a lone alpha who had kept himself hidden for centuries. The Faction were unaware of his existence, but if they discovered that there was a werewolf such as Fenris walking this world, they would turn their vast resources towards ending his existence.

    There are werewolves, and there is Fenris Lyall. A creature who stands far above his own kind. A creature who's ruthlessness and savagery knows few bounds. A creature who has revelled in death as far back as he can remember. A creature who is now in conflict with himself as he starts realizing, much to his dismay, that he his beginning to see the birth of a conscience!
    Ethan Sandlow

    Offline Kylo Ren

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    Re: Is my blurb rubbish?
    « Reply #3 on: August 15, 2014, 01:39:51 am »
    Fenris Lyall is meant to be the main character, so looks like I messed up on that one.

    Then, yeah, that's uber confusing. If Amanda isn't the main character, and, from this description, it totally sounds like she is, then that's a major problem. From whose perspective is this book written?

    Offline Amanda M. Lee

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    Re: Is my blurb rubbish?
    « Reply #4 on: August 15, 2014, 01:46:53 am »
    There are run-on sentences and the exclamation points are distracting. I would shorten it and tighten it.

    Amanda M. Lee

    Offline ethansan

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    Re: Is my blurb rubbish?
    « Reply #5 on: August 16, 2014, 12:22:45 am »
    Thank you so much for the advice guys, I really appreciate it, and I have a clearer idea about how a blurb should be, not only for now but for the future as well. Thanks again  :)
    Ethan Sandlow

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