Author Topic: Any Navy man or woman willing to give me feedback on my book?  (Read 207 times)  

Offline Gregg Bell

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I got savaged in reviews of my first book about Navy SEALs. It was a farce (like "McHale's Navy") but a lot of readers took it seriously anyway and ripped the book for lack of realism. Anyway, I took their advice, killed the series, and now am starting a new one. I've done more research, but anticipating Navy SEAL buffs reading the book, I'm sure I'm still getting some stuff wrong. I do not intend to have all these cool details that vets can bring to a book (I am not a vet), but if my realism is decent I think the book is a good thriller. The book has been edited and is very short. (50K words). I am only looking for feedback as pertaining to military stuff, not anything more. And then really only if you notice something way off base. Here's the blurb and latest cover. PM if interested or have questions. Thanks.

The US president's seven-year-old nephew has been kidnapped. The nation is horrified, but the crime turns out to be just the break that disgraced former Navy SEALs Shelby Ryder and Earl Bernstein need. If they're able to rescue the boy, who's being held somewhere in the Florida Everglades, the president assures them he'll restore their SEAL trident pins. But something's not right. The president could send massive forces for the boy, but instead he's sending them. Support people don't show. Others won't reveal their real names. Many seem more mercenary than military. Shelby and Earl are suspicious, but they're desperate to be SEALs again, and there's a boy out there in need of rescue. And so, into the depths of the humid, alligator-infested Everglades they go, to start a mission they were never intended to survive.


"When people agree with me I always feel that I must be wrong." Oscar Wilde
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    Offline Blocked Writer

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    Re: Any Navy man or woman willing to give me feedback on my book?
    « Reply #1 on: July 31, 2020, 06:19:18 pm »
    I dont know why this comes to mind, because its probably not the feedback youre looking for, but Id suggest swapping the words in the new title: Heroes Betrayed

    Offline boxer44

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    Re: Any Navy man or woman willing to give me feedback on my book?
    « Reply #2 on: August 01, 2020, 05:40:45 am »
    I dont know why this comes to mind, because its probably not the feedback youre looking for, but Id suggest swapping the words in the new title: Heroes Betrayed

    Navy veteran here.  I agree, swap the title words.

    Online Decon

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    Re: Any Navy man or woman willing to give me feedback on my book?
    « Reply #3 on: August 01, 2020, 05:59:13 am »
    I thought about swapping the words as it didn't hang right but when I did a search it came up with true stories which is likely to attract current or ex- military readers. The problem Greg has, is just like crime proceedure thrillers, jargon and procedures are critical to officiados of the genre to provide authenticity. A simple example in that crime genre is say getting slammed for having someone flick the safety switch on a Glock when it doesn't have one as the safety is in the trigger action. I imagine if he gets things wrong, he will get slammed in reviews. That's why I have been concerned about his covers not denoting a fiction thriller book that would attract non-military readers looking for a good thriller story.

    I'm of an older generation brought up on war films and I had an email sent by a reader saying he enjoyed the story but slamming me for using "clips" instead of "mags" for weapon magazines.


    In a different thread when I read the blurb, I immediately thought, hang on, women are not allowed to be navy SEALs but when I searched it, the first woman navy SEAL was appointed in 2019. If that were me, I'd try to get that in somewhere as even vets would think. Huh, a woman Navy SEAL.?

    I thought about the word, valor, instead of heroes, but again, it brought up true stories.

    He does right to ask for help if anyone can help him.

    Failing that, it's all down to extensive research.

    As an alternative, post the stuff you are not sure about on here
    « Last Edit: August 01, 2020, 06:36:51 am by Decon »


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