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Messages - phaedrus73

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Writers' Cafe / Re: Is it compelling (blurb)?
« on: April 06, 2018, 02:39:24 PM »
Thanks, Brian.

I'll have to keep tinkering with it. The core of it is Jordan trying to solve the red-ghost/vision mystery along the lines of "be careful what you wish for." My first version was an attempt to keep it to that. I still feel that's the approach that works. When I A/B test, my non-author circle of friends like the short/first version. Go figure.




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Writers' Cafe / Re: Is it compelling (blurb)?
« on: April 06, 2018, 01:13:59 PM »
The challenge I found in writing the blurb is the more "clinically accurate" I got, the less emotive force it seemed to have. The version I presented above was a challenge to myself to reduce the original blurb to how the protagonist feels. In short, I was aiming for a vague teaser.

I personally find this approach appealing (Hugh Howey's single-paragraph description of Wool comes to mind). That's what I'm going for with "the first thing to understand about ghosts..." Perhaps I ought to go with something conventional.

Also, the "ghost story like no other" is not meant to be a brag, but rather a statement of differentiation. I have concerns the word "ghost" has so much gravitational pull toward horror/paranormal that I need to set an expectation of "differentness" at the outset. Another variant I played with was "This is not your father's ghost story," but my concern there is that not enough people remember that catchphrase. Oldsmobile, you left us too soon ;)

For the sake of comparison, here's the "clinically accurate" blurb for Freelight. Perhaps this is more on the right track after all?

Thanks for the feedback!



The first thing to understand about ghosts is they're not actually dead.

Jordan struggles more than the usual twenty-something artist: he has a vision in his head that just won't go away. A gift from a ghost--a red one, no less. Hell-bent on solving this mystery, he's gone broke, he's getting evicted, and the neighborhood thug is going to knock his teeth out over a debt.

Jordan will look back on this as a good day.

Because tomorrow he'll find himself in the ghost world of Arbor Florum, caught in the coverup of a triple murder. Then comes the murderer, a ghost prince whose father is revered as a deity. Then the prisoner falsely accused of the killings and the desperate activism to set him free. As the aristocracy that rules over Arbor Florum tightens its grip, Jordan becomes trapped at the epicenter of a civilization coming undone. Should he succeed in overturning the injustice, a century of peace will fall with it.

Freelight is a ghost story told on a Tolkienesque scale, a grand adventure with justice, power, and hope colliding at its heart. The concept of ghosts is reimagined with a twist, and set in a world of deep, insular beauty.

Freelight is the debut novel from Jon Aspen.

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Writers' Cafe / Is it compelling (blurb)?
« on: April 06, 2018, 09:23:36 AM »
Greetings!

I'm a recent lurker and new author. Before we get into it, I wanted to say thank you for all the enlightening conversations. Your words have been truly valuable. Most first-time endeavors prove to be exercises in shooting one's foot off, so I'm grateful for all the bullets you've removed from my gun.

With that said, I'm looking for feedback on my novel's blurb below. In short, does it catch your interest? Does anything go clang? I wish to avoid tweaking your perceptions with preambles about the story except to say it's a contemporary fantasy. It goes like this:



Freelight is a ghost story like no other...and the first thing to understand about ghosts is they're not actually dead.

Jordan struggles more than the usual twenty-something artist. He has a vision in his head that just won't go away: a woman's eyes, haunting and beautiful. They were a gift from a ghost--a red one, no less. Hell-bent on finding this mystery woman, Jordan's gone broke, he's getting evicted, and the neighborhood thug is going to knock his teeth out over a debt.

Jordan will look back on this as a good day. Because when he finds her, he finds the ghost world of Arbor Florum.

And if he goes in, they'll never let him out alive.



Thanks for taking a look. You're all the best!

Jon Aspen

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