[Gone 9/21/18]

I just have to share with somebody. My western historical novel Sing My Name just got a 1-star review today:

Title: Not As Clean As I Like

"While this book has a good story so far I am disappointed in the fact that there are scenes I would rather be left to the imagination. I will not be finishing it."

I wrote a sex scene that's too hot for someone! Admittedly it looks like any sex scene is too much for this lady, but I'm still laughing. I have to be alone in a dark room and down a couple of beers to write the mildest sex scenes in the world and this romance only has two in 134,000 words. The only downside to this would be if someone else reads that, thinks the book is hot, and is disappointed in the other direction.

 

[datinman]

That's hilarious! I got a two star review, part of which covered smashwords formatting errors that was left on amazon!

 

[D.A. Boulter]

The only downside to this would be if someone else reads that, thinks the book is hot, and is disappointed in the other direction.

Your wish is my command.

Ellen: your blatant false advertising leaves me no choice but to write the following review of your book:

Not as dirty as I like

I fear that I must give only one star to 'Sing My Name' by Ellen O'Connell. Not only has the writer misdirected us in her product overview, but she has had her friend write a review in order to trick us into buying this book.

Her good friend wrote that she couldn't finish the book due to 'scenes better left to the imagination' and as a tag line wrote that the book was 'Not as clean as I like'. Tempted by the raunch promised within, I plunked down my hard-earned cash, closed the drapes and began to read. What followed was a travesty. Although the author states in her summery that Matt and Sarah "come to know each other" (and we all understand the biblical meaning of 'know'), the hot and lusty scenes evoked by this promise just do not materialize. I went through 133 of the 134 thousand words and . . . and . . . [sigh]

This disappointed me beyond measure and I stopped reading with four pages to go in my purloined . . . er . . . purchased copy of this book.

Note to the author: Please read some of the 'Adult Westerns' now on the market for a better understanding of how men and women came to 'know' each other in the old west. If you can demonstrate that you have learned this, I might be persuaded to buy from you again in the future. Otherwise, I can only suggest that others looking for a lusty read avoid this book, despite the author's sly wink and her 'come hither' blurb.

 

[Gone 9/21/18]

Not only has the writer misdirected us in her product overview, but she has had her friend write a review in order to trick us into buying this book.

Oh, thank you. With luck I can continue to snicker over this not just tonight but through most of tomorrow too.

 

[D.A. Boulter]

Oh, thank you.

Despite your blatant (and, might I say, self-serving) attempt to drag me into a flame-war, I think you'll find that I have too much respect for Harvey and the moderators to allow myself to be drawn into one here on the Kindleboards.

Doug.

PS: glad to be of service and hope you have a good night and a chuckle.

 

[Victorine]

Ah, no matter what we write, someone will be disappointed! I did get a one star review because my book didn't have those scenes in it. We need to trade readers.

Vicki

 

[Elijah Joon]

@Victorine LOL, that's a brilliant idea, actually!  If you really wanted to do this, just type a comment under the respective reviewers' reviews and give a link to Ellen's book and Ellen can do likewise.  It would be a win-win situation (in theory).
Then again, the risk is earning another 1-star review...

 

[Theresaragan]

LOL, Ellen.

I did have a one-star that complained that my book was a romance.  It's under the romance section, so yes, it is a romance. I did get a laugh out of that one. I think I got a two star that stated my book was an "adult fairytale." I do think I'm going to use that line. It sums up that book perfectly. 

 

[MonkeyScribe]

Ah, no matter what we write, someone will be disappointed! I did get a one star review because my book didn't have those scenes in it. We need to trade readers.

Vicki

I had a review say it was too grisly (actually, he wrote it was too grizzly, but I digress), and someone else say I softened the impact of my violence by pulling back too much. I had someone complain that I had too much erotic foreplay and someone else wrote me an email saying that I needed some sizzling sex when the main characters finally get together. I had someone leave a bad review because a character in a life and death situation used strong language, but I actually think I'm pretty tame in this regard, as I generally save bad language for very stressful situations in the book.

Every time I get one of these, my initial thought is "Wow! She's right!" but then I sleep on it and decide to just continue as I have been doing.

 

[Maria Romana]

Every time I get one of these, my initial thought is "Wow! She's right!" but then I sleep on it and decide to just continue as I have been doing.

I think that's the key. Unless 9 out of 10 reviewers all have the same complaint, we just have to chalk their remarks up to difference of opinion. Besides, if our books did exactly what everyone wanted them to, then they'd complain about predictability and lack of originality!

 

[lisarusczyk]

I got this review for The Blue Pen:

"I really wanted to like this book.

The premise of delving into the details of how a homeless person becomes homeless is very interesting to me, but as the story droned on and on without really making much sense, eventually I just didn't care any more.

Too many insignificant details, not enough real answers to questions. I was just glad when I finished it. "

Ouches! But she gave me 2 stars.

 

[swolf]

My favorite one-star review (for Vampire Tanning on B&N):

Thank the gods it was free!

I'm happy to bring some religion into their life.

 

[lisarusczyk]

I'm happy to bring some religion into their life.

lol. And multiple gods, at that!