Kindle Forum banner

1 - 20 of 33 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
196 Posts
Do you have a link to it on a blog or Facebook or somewhere? I'm not sure if that's against the rules or not, but it would resolve the issue. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
196 Posts
What I like: the black on red. The designs in the red. And I've always liked silhouettes.
What doesn't work for me: trying to figure out how the title fits the boy with the bat. Is he a monster or just an athletic kid? Or is it an adult?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
291 Posts
Discussion Starter #6
Thanks for the feed back. Here's the blurb which I'm hoping will explain. I have a longer one but thought it would be better to keep it short. Any comments you have on this are also appreciated. I hope to have the book out on Amazon in a week or so.



Crime reporter Alamanda Tyler is in Detroit to write a human-interest story about Cassandra Lewis, a six-year old girl killed in a drive-by shooting while riding a bicycle in front of her home. When Madeline Erickson, a wealthy society matron, is beaten to death on a suburban street, Alamanda’s boss orders to “drop the piece on the black kid” to cover the story. A few days later, the body of Harrison Blaire, a Boston financier, is discovered in Detroit's Greektown district fueling speculation that a serial killer is on the prowl.

Alamanda’s controversial interview with the prostitute Blaire physically abused hours before his death results in the killer viewing her as a kindred spirit. In an email sent from an untraceable account, he tells her about the game he has devised to punish the wealthy for their sins. With few leads, the Task Force convened by Michigan’s Governor, enlists her aid in establishing a dialogue with the killer.

It becomes a battle against time for Alamanda and the members of the Task Force as with each passing day the odds go up someone else will die at the hands of the monster who has openly proclaimed:
                                       
“I kill rich people”

 

·
Registered
Joined
·
385 Posts
I think that having the word "game" in the title, with the baseball bat in silhouette, but nothing on the cover itself to indicate danger, crime, or murder, may confuse readers who are quickly skimming through thumbnail-sized cover images. Once I read your blurb, I understood it wasn't about baseball...but you can't count on someone looking for a murder-mystery thriller to click on your cover and read your blurb if they aren't sure what genre it is.

I like the black and red, and I like the silhouette. I'm not a designer, but maybe someone can chime in with ideas of what to add to make it obvious that murder and mayhem are involved and not a game of baseball?


 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,706 Posts
The blurb could use tightening up, but it strikes me that it doesn't fit with the cover at all. Impressions from the cover: The silhouette suggests a younger person, perhaps a teenager, and the title suggests this has something to do with the dark side of baseball or how a little leaguer went bad as he grew up. It looks like a reprint of literary fiction. But based on the blurb, what you're writing is a thriller or mystery; those have a completely different style.

Look at some professional covers for thrillers. Things you'll see there: Usually a dark cover, a "still life" composition with something like a gun and a note and a flower and an ashtray, and a large title in a large typeface.

Reading your blurb I picture this: A swanky house or apartment, interior or exterior; doesn't matter. A chalk/tape outline (cheesy and inaccurate but it gets the point across). Blood spattered everywhere. A broken bat on the ground with a crime scene evidence marker next to it. Blow up your title and name with a really standout serif font. That would do nicely, although I can see where the stock for that would be beyond the budget of some; I couldn't do a cover like that if I wanted to. You could probably do just as well with a baseball bat lying in a pool of blood, which as far as stock photos are concerned should be more achievable on a modest budget. (I realize of course a bat found at the crime scene probably doesn't happen in the book; it's more important to convey the gist.)

However, I have a suggestion beyond the cover. The line that closes your blurb is so powerful, it might do better as the title. If you're browsing thrillers on Amazon, would you be more intrigued by the name "A Monster's Game", or by "I Kill Rich People"? It can even stay in quotes.
 

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
10,095 Posts
The blurb sounds so interesting. I don't think the cover design you're working on here does it justice. I'd recommend hiring a good pro to make a cover that fits the expectations of readers of this genre. If you browse some designers' sites, you might even find a pre-made cover that would work.

Sent from my LG-VS700 using Tapatalk 2
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,484 Posts
I can see its potential, but at the moment for me it feels a bit plain and basic.

My first impression is the low resolution quality of the image. The image, and the text, seems to have a fuzzy/pixelated quality about it. Is this just generally a low res version, or is this what the final version looks like?

I would take away the black box surrounding and give the image room to breathe, make the whole thing the red background and the black silhouette. Also consider a different, perhaps a little bit more decorative, font for the title? Not too much, just something to distinguish it and make the design not seem so flat.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,648 Posts
Thumbnail size:


Product display page:


I'm guessing (from the description) that the genre is Thriller? Suspense? (The cover now made me think YA for boys.)

First, pull up some popular thriller-genre books and emulate one of them in feel. If it's not coming together, look at hiring a pro. If there's absolutely no way to spare budget on hiring a cover designer, accept that it's going to take a lot more trial and error and trying different things. The good folks here will help, but we're better at small tweaks once the cover gets a bit closer.

Sounds like a compelling story, though, with a GREAT idea and that last line at the end of the blurb is killer. Give it the great cover that story deserves.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
36 Posts
I agree the cover doesn't do the book justice. The only thing I like is the colors you chosen, but you need a picture that focuses with the theme of the story and will grab the reader's attention.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11,307 Posts
Becca Mills said:
The blurb sounds so interesting. I don't think the cover design you're working on here does it justice. I'd recommend hiring a good pro to make a cover that fits the expectations of readers of this genre. If you browse some designers' sites, you might even find a pre-made cover that would work.

Sent from my LG-VS700 using Tapatalk 2
This. Why not browse through the pre-made covers on http://www.goonwrite.com/, for instance. Also, blurbwise, you might want to remove the proper names of anyone who is not integral to the story (the victims).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,251 Posts
I'm afraid I'm going to go with the "no-vote" here.

The cover - by itself - does look like a book on baseball. The silhouette is kind of funny, as well, in that the perspective kind of makes the bat look more like a glorified billy club.

I think you'd be better off with a shot of a baseball bat laying in the street, maybe a young girl's hand visible from one side of the cover, maybe with a diamond bracelet or something that says money - and then, in dark and VERY LEGIBLE bloodstains would be the words I KILL RICH PEOPLE.

Maybe not the bracelet - but some dollar bills scattered on the street around the woman's hand.

Those are just a couple of thoughts of mine, off the cuff - but one thing is for certain.

I'd save up a bit more money and hire the job out to a proper artist.

(sorry, just calling it how I see it)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
797 Posts
Cover doesn't do the book justice.  You have a great blurb, but as a reader, I wouldn't stop to read the blurb if I saw the cover.  It doesn't draw me in...
 
G

·
Agree with most of the comments.

I do feel a silhouette could be effective, but not vibing to this one. I hate the black border. I would like it much more if entire silhouette were shown. Don't think it looks like a book on baseball, but wasn't clear on what was going on either.

I like the suggestion of a body with bling on it. How about a close-up of the note "I Kill Rich People," maybe clasped in their hand. Or the feet and bottom of the weapon this monster uses?

Love the blurb. Book sounds awesomely good. If you really feel that you're not doing justice to the story, please consider choosing one from a lot of very well-qualified cover artists that come onto the board.

 

·
Registered
Joined
·
549 Posts
Took me a while to realise that was meant to be a baseball bat. First thought was that it was some kind of horrible growth, the second was that he'd been stabbed in the back with something.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
291 Posts
Discussion Starter #19
Tried to post this once, but for some reason I lost it. I do appreciate all your comments. I didn't realize the title, cover and blurb didn't connect. Here's another blurb that I hope resolves this problem.  I purchased the photo on Dreamtime and created the cover with Powerpoint (Don't laugh) Will check out other options for authors on a small budget.

Here is the new blurb.

“I kill rich people.”

These chilling words provide police with the motive they have been seeking for the brutal slayings of two prominent citizens bludgeoned to death with a baseball bat.    

Reporter Alamanda Tyler is in Detroit to write a human-interest story about a six-year-old girl killed in a drive by shooting. When Madeline Erickson, a wealthy society matron, is found beaten to death on a suburban street, Tyler’s boss orders her to “drop the piece on the black kid” to cover the story. A few days later, the body of Harrison Blaire, a Boston financier, is discovered in Detroit's Greektown district. The identical MO’s and absence of evidence linking the victims fuel speculation that a serial killer is on the prowl.    

Tyler’s highly controversial interview with the prostitute Blaire physically abused hours before his death results in the Batter, the name given the killer by the media, viewing her as a kindred spirit. In an email sent from an untraceable account, he tells her about the deadly game he has devised to punish the wealthy for their sins.

With few leads, the Task Force convened by Michigan’s Governor, enlists Tyler’s aid in establishing a dialogue with the Batter. When this fails, Tyler puts her life on the line to end the carnage at the hands of the monster who has made a game out of cold-blooded murder.

 

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
10,095 Posts
In some cases, Barnes & Noble's book categories are more fine-grained than Amazon's. This link will take you to their thrillers > stalkers and serial killers category: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/?category_id=275

Check out the characteristics these covers repeat over and over: bold typographic design; silhouettes, but smaller and off-centered; moody colors; symbolic images (dark birds, bare trees, weapons, night scenes); women in danger. The similarity of the aesthetics trumpets genre to potential readers. Ideally, your cover will both fit in with and stand out from others in the genre.
 
1 - 20 of 33 Posts
Top