[Paul Deaver]

I just received my first review for Tormented Slumber and am completely floored. It includes things that I wanted to say in my blurb but couldn't, then continues on. Hopefully, this is a sign of what's to come.

I wonder if my blurb is too short and I should try to incorporate some of the finer points of my story like this review:

This is the author's first public work. It is a very focused short story, don't expect a 600 page book that will take days to finish. It makes it's statement quickly and without filler.

The protagonist of the story is a returned member of the armed services. He suffers from PTSD. It is obvious that the author has both first and second hand experience with this. Perhaps, the most fascinating aspect of the story is not how he copes with it, but how his wife and children do. A central point of the story is his guilt over the stress he puts on his family. The story is not heavy handed; It is not preachy; It is not judgmental. In many ways, it is a story of hope.

This story somewhat reminds me of Hugh Howey's first works. (Not as depressing however, with much the same impact.) With any luck, this will be the first of many great stories. I look forward to reading longer works by Paul Deaver in the future.

 

[cinisajoy]

How does the reviewer know it is your first work?

 

[TromboneAl]

I've become convinced that short blurbs are best, so this guy is doing you a favor.

I have a problem with reviewers giving away too much. One reviewer says who's going to die, but I don't want to mess with it because it's a five-star good review.

 

[Paul Deaver]

How does the reviewer know it is your first work?

The story was recommended to the reviewer by someone I know. However, I didn't solicit the review.

What I'm trying to figure out is what could be added to my blurb to better entice them, while refining their expectations of my story. Here is my current blurb:

War doesn't always end after the last shot is fired. Returning home begins a whole new battle.

A veteran discovers that demons followed him home from the battlefield and threaten to destroy his life. The soldier regains hope when he finds unexpected allies to confront his worst nightmares.

3,000 word short story.

 

[cinisajoy]

Your blurb is good.  Don't borrow from the review as it is front and center.