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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I've had to deal with negativity ever since I wanted to be a writer.

My mother wasn't exactly supportive of whatever I wanted to be. Once, when I told her that I wanted to be a music conductor, she just laughed. No one in the family, including my father (the one who I respect and admire the most), thought I would succeed with a musical career. I followed their every word. When I wanted to become a writer, my mother and older brother didn't think it would be possible for me to choose this route. My father kept silent about it, so I don't know what he thinks about it.

I had trouble trying to tell myself that I would be a great (or at least a good) writer. My older brother once told me that I would never be a writer, that I would never be this so-called fantasy because I was being unrealistic. Even if I told them that I didn't want to give it all up, he would always try to convince me that I'm making one of the most idiotic decisions ever.

Their negativity used to be a tradition. It almost destroyed my self-esteem. I couldn't love myself because of what my mother and brother always said to me. As a teenager, hearing my own brother calling me a "retard," a "bonehead," and a "dumbass" made me feel worthless. I couldn't defend myself. I just let him use me as his punching bag. My mother would be worse, especially when I was a kid when I was always afraid of showing her a low grade on a test. Because I already knew what her reaction would be. All of this continued until my college years. I just let them tell me what was on their minds, which consisted of nothing but strict demands. They expected me to become a sociologist/psychologist/engineer, something that I had no interest in. I felt a little empty inside.

But one day, something just snapped in my mind. I started to ignore their expectations. I started to resent their attitudes. I started to overlook the image they've brought upon me. I didn't want to live up to their demands any longer. I didn't care about what they thought of me anymore. This is my life. It's my decision to mold my own present and future. I realized that if I don't follow my dreams, then I will be forced to follow someone else's. I don't want to stay in a career that I won't have the heart for. I started to make my own decisions. I started to ignore the negative remarks from my family. I started to believe in my own self. Now, I have four ebooks currently on Kindle (and one on iTunes, Nook, etc.) and there will be so much more in the future.

For the past two years or so, my mother and older brother have toned it down. My brother knows that my books have been uploaded on Kindle. He congratulated me and didn't say anything in a negative manner. My parents know only about "Korean Americans, Volume One," but they'll eventually learn about my gay erotica once I come out of the closet. So my passion lives on. I love what I do, and I won't stop because I never gave it up for a Plan B. Even if my mother and brother still don't think that I'll ever achieve greatness with my writing, at least I will be the one who thinks I will. If it weren't for their pessimistic attitude toward my attempt at literary fiction, I wouldn't have pushed myself to be what I want to be. It took a lot of guts to ignore their behaviors and just concentrate on myself. I make my own image and no one else.

And despite their treatment of me from the past, my mother and brother are still a part of my family, and I love and respect them to this day.

Always remember to believe in yourself. Always believe that you can achieve greatness, despite what other people say. They can't bring you down because you don't deserve mediocrity. You don't deserve conformity. You deserve something greater. You have a great imagination, and you are destined to use it to your advantage.

As John Muir once said, "The power of imagination makes us infinite."
 

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Love this message! And congratulations to you for fostering your confidence and self belief without the support of others-- That's a testament for how strong your inner confidence is. Keep going!
 

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You sound so strong and centered, considering what you went through. I can't imagine what it feels like to be bullied by your own family, but you seem to have used it for good instead of becoming bitter. I'll check out your book. You have a good voice.

A little note: you haven't come out to your family, yet, but they know about the book in your signature? I'm just being a little paranoid on your behalf. Your kindle board name is on your Amazon bookpage, too. If your brother or others find this forum, they might read your post...

 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Katharina said:
A little note: you haven't come out to your family, yet, but they know about the book in your signature? I'm just being a little paranoid on your behalf. Your kindle board name is on your Amazon bookpage, too. If your brother or others find this forum, they might read your post...
I don't have to worry about that. My parents are too busy with other things to check out my Authors page. And my older brother already knows about my sexual orientation, so it's a secret that we're going to keep (for now).
 
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