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(JKN)
April 22, 2009

Internet retailing giant Amazon.com has announced development of several new versions of its popular Kindle, an electronic book reading device.

In a news release, CEO Jeff Bezos said, "We're very happy with the performance of our Kindle 2 for the casual reader. Sales have exceeded our expectations, and the response has been great! Based on customer feedback and our own analysis, we have decided to expand the line into other markets."

Below are the models announced today:

1. Kindle Biz ($999), a model with a larger display and native .pdf conversion
2. Kindle Kollege ($999) similar to the Kindle Biz, but available in different "hip" designs
3. Kindle Kids ($199), a model without onboard ordering, a plexiglass screen, and a rubberized exterior
4. Kindle Espanol ($399): similar to the Kindle 2, but with a Spanish keyboard and a Spanish version of the Kindle 2's text-to-speech feature
5. Kindle Kronicle ($2499): a 27" diagonal screen mimics a typical newspaper. Waterproof design allows it to be used as a birdcage liner
6. Kindle Kitty ($99): designed for use by cats, the sleep mode pictures feature various prey animals. The device in incapable of downloads, but can meow and is impregnated with a synthetic catnip aroma
7. Kindle Me ($99): the e-ink screen has been replaced by a mirror. Narcissistic users simply speak to the device and gaze at their own reflections
8. Kindle Kopyright ($399): to afford complete copyright protection, the device can not display the content in any way, including text-to-speech and visual representation. The USB access has been eliminated. Users purchase books through a computer and have it sent to the device via e-mail
9. Kindle Kro-Magnon ($199): The 22 pound device is made of stone and comes with the Kindle logo carved into it. Instructions are included for making dyes out of berries to paint scenes onto the slab
10. Kindle Konspiracy ($666): This device proves everything is true that the internet has said:
* Prices rise automatically every day, and are always higher than the paper equivalents
* It cancels your account without warning (including unrelated credit cards)
* e-ink fades to illegibility in sun (or shade)
* jumps to random spots in the book
* teleports to different places in the house, making it difficult to find
* Text-to-speech is Mushmouth from Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids
* Any book requested (or purchased) more than 100 times is removed from sale
* Battery drains excessively in or out of sleep mode
* Device freezes unexpectedly, dropping to a surface temperature of 28 degrees fahrenheit
* Home button replaced with joy buzzer
* Whenever you buy it, a new and better version is put on sale the next day

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The JKN (Just Kidding Network): bringing you untrue information for your amusement whenever we feel like it.

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Found on the Kindle 2 board, Amazon.
 

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Pretty funny.  Some of the ideas sound pretty good.  The rubberized one for kids.  Not a bad idea.
deb
 
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