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Hello everyone. I have another terrible blurb that i need help with. This time it's for my ghost/vampire/zombie (yeah, I know) novel. The books has a hint of YA and Paranormal Romance, but it's not firmly anchored in those genres. It's more of a paranormal thriller. Anyway, here is what I have so far:

"The dead are restless, and rarely at peace.

Jerusa Phoenix knows this better than most. She has been watching the lingering spirits of the dead her whole life. But when she happens across a strange young man named Silvanus, she soon finds that ghosts are not the only undead that are haunting the world.

Jerusa’s ghost companion, Alicia, begs her to stay away from the young man with radiant skin and unearthly eyes who seems to be able to hear her very thoughts, but Jerusa is inexplicably drawn to him. Jerusa ignores Alicia’s warnings, and soon finds herself in a confrontation with a group of vampires—a battle that leaves her changed into a blood-drinker while causing another vampire to go savage.

Jerusa joins with the remaining vampires, and with Alicia’s help, sets off to track down the out-of-control savage before they bring down the wrath of the Stewards—the ruling sect of ancient vampires.

What does Silvanus have to do with this? Is he really a god as the other vampires believe. What is he hiding from them? Jerusa is determined to find the truth of this centuries-old secret…if it doesn't kill her first."

There it is. Please help me fine tune this bad boy.

Thanks.
 

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I have a few general comments.

Firstly, I think the structure is OK. But my suggestion is to simplify it and remove some of the excess wording and plot points. Stick with the essential - jettison everything else.

Just by way of example, take the first sentence:

The dead are restless, and rarely at peace.

I would consider changing this to:

The dead are restless.

This depends on whether or not you like bolded taglines. They work, but not for everyone. The main point is that "...and rarely at peace" says the same thing as "The dead are restless." If you removes excess clutter, your blurb will cut through better with readers.

I have nothing against questions in a blurb, but the ones at the end didn't work for me. However, the last sentence did.

Hope that helps.
 
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