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Best review, worst review

1032 Views 14 Replies 12 Participants Last post by  Danielle Kazemi
It's interesting how wide reviews can be.

My best review is It's one of the most enjoyable fantasy books I've read this year.

My worst review A retarded 5 year old could write better.

Fortunately more reviews are good than bad. Anyone else have really wide spread reviews? Anything as caustic as mine?
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My best: "The highest I can rate it is five. However to me, this is one of the best books I have read in years. It will be a long time before another book will be able to take it's place."  and so on.  It is on Amazon.

My worst: It wasn't a review. I had an advertisement up for this same book on a facebook page(Gastien Part 1) and a reader typed below it "This book is no good!".  Gee, thanks for helping out my ad! I did comment in that case, since it was an ad, saying that I was sorry she didn't enjoy it, not everyone likes any book and that I was sure that she would find many books to enjoy on the site. She then apologized, saying she didn't realize that I was advertising, that she thought someone else posted it,  etc etc. and I simply said again, don't worry about it, you should feel free to tell people about books, no one pleases everyone and I get that (or some such things). Which is definitely true.  I just wish she wouldn't have picked my ad to make a comment!

I recognized her, as she had given it 2 stars on Goodreads and had simply said "I would not recomment this book."  I checked her other reviews and she gave 2 stars to things like Diary of a Young Girl, Streetcar Named Desire, and THe Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.  One stars? The Crucible and The Vampire Lestat to name a few.

I figured I was in pretty good company seeing those.

Thankfully the book has 27 reviews on Amazon and the worst is 3 stars.  It holds a 4.3 rating on there and a 4.27 with 33 ratings on Goodreads.  It just shows that what pleases one person is another's "bad book". Oh, and I am sure there will be some 1 and 2's coming at some point. If not, not enough people are reading it. :)
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This made me happy the other day

" The editing was also pro-quality."  (Amazon review)

I don't have an editor.
My worst was this: "Disjointed fluff. Just because it's a short work doesn't mean it has to lack substance."

I had a grumble to my writing buds and one of them looked up her reviews and then emailed me this: "This is, however, someone who gave a book called I f**ked the football team four stars, and gave the lord of the rings/the hobbit two stars."

That made me feel a whole lot better  ;)

I should also point out it got a whole load of fab reviews and some people even emailed me to ask when I had more stuff coming out - which made me feel ten foot tall
My best review was from Lynn O'Dell at Red Adept Reviews for my novella, Siren Night. She posted it on her blog and Amazon. Five stars!
Format:Kindle EditionPlot/Storyline: 5 Stars

While I'm not a big fan of the vampire genre, I really enjoyed this short story. The author chose to write in the voice of Millie, the young, female main character with a sarcastic wit. Not only did that make the tale more interesting, but it also gave me a feeling of being in the story. Mostly, it wasn't that Millie just narrated the story, it was as if she was sitting here telling me the story.

The story was filled with unforced humor. Yes, it had some gruesome parts. It also had some pretty bad languague. So, all in all, it was a bit vulgar. Don't buy this story if you are offended by....well, anything.

In this first story of a series, Millie and Gus hunted three Sirens. I'm not going to say much more than that to avoid giving spoilers. Just know that the "hunt" is certainly not the usual fare from this genre.

The ending gave plenty of satisfaction, while still leaving me waiting impatiently for the next adventure.

Characters: 5 Stars

Millie was a wonderful choice of protagonist. Even though the author left out much of her backstory, saving it for future installments of this series, I assume, he gave just enough to allow for a feeling of familiarity.

Gus, Millie's "boss," is a delightfully funny male chauvinistic bigot. Millie's attempts to civilize him make his character all the more fun to read. For one scene, I actually imagined Archie Bunker getting schooled by his daughter on politically correct verbage, in a much more updated setting.

Writing Style: 5 Stars

I enjoyed the sentence structuring used for Millie's narrative voice. It had some odd arrangements that gave a terrific feel for her character in general. Moreover, it was the continuity of the unique style that lended the story much more personality than it otherwise would have had. The descriptions were not only vivid, but were often quite humorous in their imagery. The dialogue was wonderfully snappy and smart.

Not bad, right? Well, my worst review was from a paperback, Biotechnology Vs. The Teenage Schoolgirl, I'd published through iUniverse when I was twenty, in college, and admittiedly stoned. Basically, I had a hundred dollars and over the weekend could publish a book. So I did. In the years since I've contacted the publisher multiple times, asking them to please unpublish it. It was funny at the time, but now I'm serious about my craft and that old thing should probably be flushed down the digital toilet. And every time I contact them they say that unpublishing it can take up to thirty days, but they're right on top of it. I check for the book a while later, and it's still available. After the last time I contacted them, not only was it not removed from any website, they even made it available for the Kindle. So that's fun. Anyways, here's the review:
By A Customer
Format:paperbackI would have given this -5 stars, as this has to be the worst book I've ever read. Or didn't read, considering I never finished it. This has to be the most juvenile, trite CRAP ever written. If you enjoy reading something that a lobotimized 9th grade creative writing class dropout would write, try it...otherwise find something else.

Alternatively, I published another paperback, Faulty Wiring, a couple of years later and the first review came from a coworker at the store I was working in my college years. She gave it five stars, but look at the review:
By Happy Smurf
Format:paperbackI work with Keith and he is a great person. I would reccomend this book to everyone. Buy it Buy it!! Besides, Keith really needs the money.. J/K. Anyways, this would make a great coffee table book, or just something to read in your spare time.

Yeah, that'll make yer heart stop beating for day. She was so proud of it though. She kept telling coworkers how she was the first to say something. She'd tell customers to buy the book if I happened to walk by. She even printed this massive poster of the book cover that still hangs framed in father's basement. I just didn't have the heart to tell her to take the review down. In years since, whenever somebody I know says they've purchased one of my Kindle books I make a point to ask them not to say anything on Amazon.
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My best is one by Michael Gallagher. He's the #8 ranked reviewer on Amazon, and he gave No Good Deed five stars--then he mentioned his review of it a couple of times when the book was free--linking his review to his free book blog, so a bunch of his followers went over and upvoted it.  ;D

The worst review is a 2 star that is a full on critique after the book had been free. I am almost 'absolutely' sure it was left by someone from that 'other' writing site after I had made some posts there. I might have even used the word, 'indie' author at some point.  :eek:
I just got my first 1 star review... but they said "Too raunchy for my taste" and since I'm an erotica writer... this might be to my advantage.  lol
Best review quote was "I read ALOT of books and this is now one of my favorites."

I've been fortunate not to have a review below 4 stars yet, so the worst quote isn't even a dig, just a little vague and lackluster: "Plot good, not as well written as I would like."
My worst review is my favorite.  It was from a blogger on Kindleboards seeking a fantasy story to read.  She was absolutely vicious, I mean it was as if I had struck a raw nerve with my book, and she had to retaliate in some way.  I don't mind criticism, I have quite a few digs taken at my work.  However, when people are factually dead wrong and refuse to concede, even when pointed out very politely, it gets to me.  She wrote that my book was set in India (duh! it opens and closes in Pakistan and goes back to ancient India enroute).  She then said it was like reading a boring art history book.  There is ONE dialogue consisting of 11 words , where the heroine (an art history student) refers to her exam paper.  Finally, she said it was only good for those interested in ancient India.  Well, the blurb covered that clearly, so why did she bother to read it, if history was not her cup of tea.

The blogger adamantly held onto an invalid review.  The book has good reviews too, I may add.
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Hope you all had a good Christmas.  I was in Edinburgh and brought back a Scottish bug with me so in need of sympathy :)

Wow, some really interesting comments. Also some very laisez-faire attitudes which I think is commendable.Well done.

I especially liked - I F***d the football team 4 stars and Lord of the Rings 2 stars.

My 1 star reviewer also gave 1 star to Steven King so we are often in exhaulted company it seems.
My best review for Serendipity House was from Lynn of Red Adept Reviews. Lynn gave it 5 stars in all categories and named it the best indie romance of 2011, saying in part, "At heart, this was a romance, yet the story never descends into the sappy dialogue and thought processes of a swooning nymphette. Instead, it was the story of a real woman, in a real life, who finds a real relationship that includes a few heart-fluttery moments. Although, even though I am picky about romance in books, I really enjoyed the romance portion of this one. Unlike many in its genre, it offered a more pragmatic view of love in today’s society."

My worst review for the same book was from a Goodreads reader who gave it 3 stars and said, "Not much of a romance reader, but it wasn't too bad."

Well, I don't have reviews, so I have to go with critiques:

Got this one on chapter 4 of my WIP, by which time I thought I'd made the primary plot pretty clear: This story has a tendency to wander a bit - I'm not really sure what the premise or point of it is.

This from a published author on my first submission to CC when I was nervous as hell at letting anyone see what I'd written: You have a wonderful style that makes me a bit jealous.
vrabinec said:
This from a published author on my first submission to CC when I was nervous as hell at letting anyone see what I'd written: You have a wonderful style that makes me a bit jealous.
Oh wow... that would have made me cry.... in a good way.
jljarvis said:
I don't really like this game. I think I'd rather play a quick round of Which is Larger, My Pores or My Wrinkles?
Definitely my nose pores. I walked past the wife's concave mascara mirror a couple days ago, and it looked like the Apollo 11 moon closeups. Why the hell do women do that to theselves, magnify the things they're trying to hide?
vrabinec said:
Definitely my nose pores. I walked past the wife's concave mascara mirror a couple days ago, and it looked like the Apollo 11 moon closeups. Why the hell do women do that to theselves, magnify the things they're trying to hide?
I wish I could remember what comedian said women will purposely buy mirrors to enlarge their mistakes so they can stress out about it and try to fit it. Men change their angles until they look good.
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