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Some of you have helped me in the past with these titles, and I appreciate it.

I'm vascilating over changing my blurbs for the two installments currently out in the Beacon Saga. Here's what I'm wrestling with: short or long? Currently, I'm using short blurbs.

For Part I:
Tersias and Mally have lived their lives in orbit around Beacon, the last star in the universe. But now the young couple have done the impossible: they have conceived.

And something has noticed.

A short story of about six thousand words.
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With gratitude to strong reader feedback, this became Part I of the Beacon Saga. Continue the story in Part II, available now.
...And Part II:

Everything ends. Everything falls. For centuries, that was the fate of those in Beacon's orbit. But now Mally and Tersias have a chance to change that-if they can survive.

Part II of the Beacon Saga. Twelve thousand words.
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Sincere thanks to the readers, whose positive feedback ensured Beacon would become a serial.
The strategy with short blurbs was A) seize attention B) emphasize the core plot elements C) intrique.

I'm debating changing them to something like this, for Part I:

Tersias and Mally have lived their lives in orbit around Beacon, the last star in the universe. But now the young couple have done the impossible: they have conceived. What will this mean for the dwindling, sterile inhabitants of the vast refugee fleet in Beacon's orbit? What will be the response of this confederation of outlaws, aliens, ancient navies and spaceborne creatures? And what will happen when one of mankind's greatest foes, long thought extinct, notices this event?

Can a young family survive a beginning at the end of everything?

A short story of about six thousand words, Now Part I of the Beacon Saga.
The notes to the readers at the end are sincere. I see other authors do it, and it's factual in my case because Beacon really did get a strong response from the readers, including--woot--a long, gushing email :)
 

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I think it was on the Kindle Tips and Tricks blog where the blogger polled his readers on what makes book descriptions effective. They said most book descriptions were too short. That's all I've got. I write to communicate. Writing to sell is foreign to me. I hope my bump gets one of our marketing gurus to chime in.
 

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These short blurbs really grabbed me. They left me hungry for more. Solution=hit the buy button. More words might get in the way.
 

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Jonathan C. Gillespie said:
Just bumping.
I put up some links on "writing for web surfers" yesterday. Not sure if they'll help, but you might get a nugget of inspiration/direction from them on writing blurbs. And maybe a nugget is better than nothing when it comes to the fine art of book descriptions--at which I believe I suck. :(

http://www.kboards.com/index.php/topic,147119.0.html
 
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