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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Well...I've been trying to come up with a blurb for my very first fiction work to be published, and it's so hard :( My story is only 23k words long, so it's easy to give too much away (but then the story is kind of predictable :p). Anyway, I've written a short and long version for it--can any of you take a look and let me know which you prefer, or if both are total crap? I'm pretty critical of other books' blurbs, but when it comes to writing my own, argh...

Short version:
All Princess Valeria wants is to enjoy gourmet cuisine and lead an idle life. However, in an attempt to make her lose weight, the queen sends Valeria to another country, Riviera, where the food is notoriously awful. Things become interesting when she decides to improve Riviera cooking, drawing the attention of the crown prince along the way. Valeria must decide whether she should become thin and attractive, or stay in the kitchens and remain fat.

Long version:
Princess Valeria of Amaranta is fat, but she doesn't care. All she wants is to eat a lot and lead an idle life. When it is apparent that she cannot get a husband, her mother decides to send her to the Royal Riviera Academy of Fighting Arts. For a chubby princess who has never picked up a sword, life at the Academy is akin to torture. Worst of all, the food is terrible and dessert is non-existent.

When Valeria decides to improve Riviera cuisine by sneaking into the palace kitchens and giving orders, little does she know that the crown prince would take interest in her kitchen excursions. As they spend more time together, Valeria must decide whether she should become thin and attractive, or stay in the kitchens and remain fat.

I like my tagline though, I'm pretty much decided on it:
A fairy-tale romance with a plus-sized heroine and plenty of dessert.
 

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I like the blurb although instead of saying 'dessert is non-existent' I think it might help to hone in on a specific thing she likes to make it funny. i.e. "and getting an eclair out of pastry chef is like trying to take steak from a tiger's claws."
 

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I'm pretty critical of blurbs as well, but I really liked yours. I like the second one better.

The only part I think needs work is "As they spend more time together, Valeria must decide whether she should become thin and attractive, or stay in the kitchens and remain fat." I feel like the first half of that should be a reference to her mother's wants and the second half to her own. "As they spend more time together, Valeria questions whether her mother was right, maybe princess can be fat after all." Or something.

But as it is, it sounds fun and escapist.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thank you for the input, Wansit and Shauna!  :)  Unfortunately my story doesn't go the way according to the changes you suggested, but I'll see what I can do. I'll use the second version then. I'm just worried that I'm giving too much away...you probably can just guess what will happen from reading the blurb.
 
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