[Evie Banks]

Hola,

I need help creating a more professional blurb. Here is the current blurb (I love saying blurb out loud). Any ideas? Thank you for your time!

"Things don't look like they could get worse for Renee. Her husband has walked out with the rent money, the electricity was shut off, and she has her daughter Cassandra to take care of. She is struggling to make ends meet when two British gentlemen show up in her small Texas town. A terrible tragedy has overtaken the entire royal family and England is in need of a monarch. Genealogical research has brought them to her, the last person in line of royal inheritance. Renee's world is turned upside down and she finds herself facing a suspicious citizenry, scheming politicians, mooching relatives, and a madman who will stop at nothing to assert his own candidacy to the throne. The countdown to the Coronation has begun and Renee is in more danger than she knows... "

Here is the link to the actual item if it helps: The Last in Line (The Royal Inheritance Series Book 1)

 

[Kirkee]

Hi, Evie.
I like it. The storyline, too. Yes, suspension of
disbelief required. 
Nifty cover.

Are you leaving out the author bio on purpose?
Just asking. I imagine this could be a pen name.
That's okay, then.

Best,

K

 

[SB James]

There's very little I'd change in this blurb. I think overall it is very good.
"Things don't look like they could get worse for Renee. Her husband has walked out with the rent money, the electricity was shut off, and she has her daughter Cassandra to take care of. She is struggling to make ends meet when two British gentlemen show up in her small Texas town. A terrible tragedy has overtaken the entire royal family and England is in need of a monarch. Genealogical research has brought them to her, the last person in line of royal inheritance. Now, Renee's world is turned upside down and she finds herself facing a suspicious citizenry, scheming politicians, mooching relatives, and a madman who will stop at nothing to assert his own candidacy to the throne. The countdown to the Coronation has begun and Renee is in more danger than she knows... "
Just that little change, and that's only because I personally don't like the phrase "she finds herself..." But this has never stopped me from buying a book with it in the blurb, BTW!
I also agree with Kirkee, I like the cover!
Welcome to kboards!

 

[Bluebonnet]

I read the "Look Inside" on the book, and it's very well done. I don't think the blurb is doing the story justice.

There's a line on your cover saying, "It's a long journey from rodeo queen to queen of England." The rodeo queen reference is intriguing. However, I didn't see anything in the blurb about Renee having a background in rodeo work. In the Look Inside sample, you just say that she's a waitress. Did she appear in rodeos before her marriage?

I'm also struggling with the opening line, "Things don't look like they could get any worse for Renee." I'm wondering if the first line should be about her surprise selection as the Queen rather than her financial problems.

Trying out a first draft here. I'm working on the assumption that Renee does have a background in the rodeo world.

***

Struggling Texas mom Renee Montshire Krebs never thought she'd be any kind of queen except a rodeo queen, and even her rodeo days are long behind her.

Renee doesn't see how things can get any worse. Her cheating husband walked out with the rent money, the electricity and cable TV were shut off, and she was left to care for her xx-year-old daughter Cassandra alone. [Give Cassandra's age.] Her boss at the small town diner won't give her any extra hours on her shift as a waitress so she can make extra money. Renee feels like a total failure when Cassandra offers her babysitting money for household expenses. The only distraction for Renee in her distress is to follow news reports about the tragic deaths of the entire line of the British royal family.

But paying the rent becomes the least of Renee's problems after two British gentlemen show up at her door and inform her that she is the new Queen. Their genealogical research proves she is the last legal descendant of the royal family, through her ancestor George Montshire. Thrust into a strange new life, Renee faces a suspicious citizenry, scheming politicians, mooching relatives, and a madman who will stop at nothing to assert his own candidacy to the Throne. The countdown to the Coronation begins, and Renee is in more danger than she knows.

***

Not sure this is the kind of revision you want, but I hope it is helpful in giving you some ideas.

 

[MikeMcEachern]

I like it Evie, great job!

 

[Evie Banks]

Guys, thank you! There were some really helpful suggestions in there. I'm new to Kboards, but already impressed by how generous everyone is.

And Bluebonnet, I really liked this first sentence: Struggling Texas mom Renee Montshire Krebs never thought she'd be any kind of queen except a rodeo queen, and even her rodeo days are long behind her.

Thanks!