[MeiLinMiranda]

If it's from her POV, she needs to be the focus. You're explaining too much here. Start with the situation, something like:

Party girl Leigh Thorn never got the attention she wanted from her father. But she's getting it now from his murderers. ...

Good luck!

 

[MeiLinMiranda]

Dalya's right about the bad boy thing, btw, but just remember to talk about him from her POV; the second version sounds like he's the POV character is where I was inarticulately going...