[philstern]

Okay, here's a new blurb for my new book. Opinions, suggestions?

"Fifteen years before, three of Aydia's brightest young people attended college together far from home. The resulting personal entanglements, and inadvertent "awakening" of a beautiful Srendian girl's immense personal powers, nearly destroyed them all.

Now all three occupy positions of prominence within their respective countries. In the midst of a new international crisis, Saira Senten again approaches her original lover, warning of a renewed totalitarian threat to their entire planet.

But can Rayson Sacks ever trust Saira, who still blames him for her stunning fall from grace? And what of Glayton Verax, Rayson's former best friend, who may still be a rival for Saira's affection?

Thus begins The Aydian Series, a sweeping panorama of power, lust, and betrayal on a faraway planet. Aydia is the first book in the series."

 

[JonDavis1]

Hmn...
I don't know, the blurb seems off somehow.
Personally I'd put the last line on top. But that's my view of it.

 

[Greer]

I would suggest starting with the people, and going from there...

Fifteen years ago Saira Senten attended college far from home. She fell in love with two boys -- intro both boys and describe -- and played a part in causing a catastrophe that nearly destroyed all three of them.

Now (jump to the present and explain the problem)... Etc.

Pardon the inaccuracies - on my phone I can't look back at the precious [ETA: previous not precious. Stupid fingers.] posts to check details.

 

[MarcusPeterson]

a couple thoughts...
it isn't clear in the first sentence that Aydia is a planet and the three young people come from different countries.
I personally didnt like the use of names without explaining who the person was first..almost felt like this was the second in a series and I should know these people already.

 

[philstern]

I appreciate all the help, I really do.

 

[Chandra Renard]

I would suggest starting with the people, and going from there...

That's a good rule of thumb

 

[valeriec80]

I'm not getting answers to the blurb questions.

What does the protag want?
What does she have to do to get it?
What happens if she doesn't get it?

And there's way too many characters mentioned. I'm confused.

Sorry.