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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
The novella goes from two different points of view. Dylan is the main character, and Tony is a supporting viewpoint from the outside of things. I need to keep the references to nanotechnology and nanomedicine in their current form (but they can be moved around in the text).

And the old version is:

Dylan Cross, a pharmaceutical executive, hated his job until the greatest medical discovery in history landed on his desk. Known simply as Panacea, this breakthrough medical device based on nanotechnology promises to cure virtually every disease suffered by humanity.

Detective Tony Atkins is swept up in the schemes of pharmaceutical giants bent on dominating the market by whatever means necessary. In the midst of upheaval, he swears to discover the truth before it's too late.

Cure is a near-future science fiction novella about tough choices, the fine line between corruption and virtue, nanotechnology and nanomedicine, and the fragile nature of our own existence.

And the shorter, new version is:

The combined effort of medical advancement reaches for a single endpoint: panacea, a cure for all diseases and the last medication you will ever need. But when that day comes, to what lengths will men go to possess its secrets?

Cure is a near-future science fiction novella which explores the coming innovations in nanomedicine and nanotechnology and the fragile nature of our own existence.
 

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BrianKittrell said:
schemes of pharmaceutical giants bent on dominating the market by whatever means necessary.
It's difficult for me to picture the central conflict. Of course all companies scheme to dominate the market - they owe it to their shareholders to try. Are they doing something illegal? Are they using this new nano technology to do it?
 

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Also, Brian, what is the connection between the two characters?  I kept expecting a line explaining how their paths cross even if that's just figurative.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
X. Aratare said:
Also, Brian, what is the connection between the two characters? I kept expecting a line explaining how their paths cross even if that's just figurative.
Where their paths cross... It might be a spoiler if I say anything about it at all. I will ponder that one a bit.

George Applegate said:
It's difficult for me to picture the central conflict. Of course all companies scheme to dominate the market - they owe it to their shareholders to try. Are they doing something illegal? Are they using this new nano technology to do it?
It may be a hard point to draw out. With the police detective reference, I was hoping to draw out that some of it might be illegal.
 

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One would assume that Dylan's company that invented the panacea, would effortlessly (and legally) dominate the market and transform medicine.  Perhaps some hint that it's more complicated.  Is there a catch?  Undisclosed side effect?  Stolen technology?  Other interests trying to stop it?
 

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BrianKittrell said:
Where their paths cross... It might be a spoiler if I say anything about it at all. I will ponder that one a bit.

It may be a hard point to draw out. With the police detective reference, I was hoping to draw out that some of it might be illegal.
Maybe you could be more general about it. 'A crime so shocking it will change the very course of history.' Or something like that, but with a little less melodrama.
 

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Yours works OK, but I took a Quick Stab (with some assumptions) anyway:

What Is the Cure?

The greatest medical breakthrough in history has just landed on the desk of Dylan Cross, an executive at biotech giant CellMain. It comes in the form of a nanotechnology medical device that promises to treat all diseases. Its name is Panacea.

Detective Tony Atkins is investigating suspicious cases involving biotech firms, including CellMain. He quickly realizes he has to find out where Panacea came from and what harm it can do before it wins FDA approval.

Cure is a near-future science fiction novella about corruption in the new world of nanomedicine -- and the fragile nature of our own existence.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Hmmm, taking in several suggestions:

Dylan Cross, a pharmaceutical executive, hated his job until the greatest medical discovery in history landed on his desk. Known simply as Panacea, this breakthrough medical device based on nanotechnology promises to cure virtually every disease suffered by humanity. His company is poised to take total control of the global drug market, but enemies threaten to unravel everything before that can happen.

Detective Tony Atkins is swept up in the schemes of pharmaceutical giants bent on dominating the market by whatever means necessary. When a pharmaceutical executive is murdered, he swears to discover the truth before it’s too late.

Cure is a near-future science fiction novella about tough choices, the fine line between corruption and virtue, nanotechnology and nanomedicine, and the fragile nature of our own existence.
 

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It sounds like an intriguing story.

My blurb suggestion: (1) connect the two characters, or (2) write it from the POV of one character and just hint at the conflict with the second character. I would choose option 2, go with the POV of Dylan Cross, and hint at the conflict where the detective is involved -- or vice versa.

 

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Steve Silkin said:
Yours works OK, but I took a Quick Stab (with some assumptions) anyway:

What Is the Cure?

The greatest medical breakthrough in history has just landed on the desk of Dylan Cross, an executive at biotech giant CellMain. It comes in the form of a nanotechnology medical device that promises to treat all diseases. Its name is Panacea.

Detective Tony Atkins is investigating suspicious cases involving biotech firms, including CellMain. He quickly realizes he has to find out where Panacea came from and what harm it can do before it wins FDA approval.

Cure is a near-future science fiction novella about corruption in the new world of nanomedicine -- and the fragile nature of our own existence.
I like Steve's version.
 

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Tag line suggestion:

Sometimes the cure is worse than the disease...

I understand your fear of spoilers, Brian, but you've got to give SOMETHING for readers to go by. None of the versions here work for me. I get no real sense of story.

If you are afraid to connect the two characters in the blurb you're going to have to go high concept. Look at Hugh Howey's blurb for Wool.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Perhaps this? (Updated the initial post with this one, too)

The combined effort of medical advancement reaches for a single endpoint: panacea, a cure for all diseases and the last medication you will ever need. But when that day comes, to what lengths will men go to possess its secrets?

Cure is a near-future science fiction novella which explores the coming innovations in nanomedicine and nanotechnology and the fragile nature of our own existence.
 

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I'd capitalize Panacea (drugs like Synthroid are capitalized), but that last one works for me. Leaves a lot of mystery, and it clearly outlines a conflict without giving away any spoliers.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
vrabinec said:
I'd capitalize Panacea (drugs like Synthroid are capitalized), but that last one works for me. Leaves a lot of mystery, and it clearly outlines a conflict without giving away any spoliers.
Yeah, I like that idea. I thought about using the more generic "panacea" as a term, but I might as well use it as the cure's name since that is... it's name. ;)
 
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