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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Book is getting closer and closer... Time to start thinking about the important things like the dreaded blurb !! So help me out make it pretty  :p



Thoron and Velaina moved to Elderwood to escape the past, to give their son Natthan a chance at a simple and peaceful life.

Natthan begins to show signs of having magic abilities, leaving them are to wonder about this decision. Then tragedy strikes Elderwood and Natthan must now survive without his loving parent’s guidance.

Follow Natthan on his path of self-discovery and adventure in this coming of age story.
 

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You didn't give us much to go on. We need to know more about what happens in the story. Also what is the genre? Sounds like fantasy.

Who are Thoron and Velania? People with magic powers who had to flee from a chaotic and dangerous place?

What is Elderwood? A city? Country? Region?

Sounds like the parents did not know Natthan would develop magic abilities, so they are surprised to see it's an inherited thing, not a learned thing? Why are they unhappy when they see he has these abilities? What do they fear will happen to him if he develops and uses the abilities? That somebody from the Old Country (or wherever they came from) will seek him out and try to harm him? Have they been hiding, or avoiding using, their own magic powers since they came to Elderwood?

Does tragedy strike all of Elderwood, or only Thoron and Velania? (Sounds like they died.) What kind of tragedy? Disease? Famine? Enemy attack? Accidental deaths?

What is Natthan's challenge in this story, other than to just survive? Is there a battle coming up? Is there a bad guy he must fight against, someone who battled his parents years ago? How does his parents' past affect him? Or does it have no bearing on his situation after they are gone?

I would drop the last sentence, "Follow Nathan on his path..." You're stepping outside the blurb. I think you can put "coming of age" in your keywords, right?
 

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Bluebonnet said:
You didn't give us much to go on. We need to know more about what happens in the story. Also what is the genre? Sounds like fantasy.

Who are Thoron and Velania? People with magic powers who had to flee from a chaotic and dangerous place?

What is Elderwood? A city? Country? Region?

Sounds like the parents did not know Natthan would develop magic abilities, so they are surprised to see it's an inherited thing, not a learned thing? Why are they unhappy when they see he has these abilities? What do they fear will happen to him if he develops and uses the abilities? That somebody from the Old Country (or wherever they came from) will seek him out and try to harm him? Have they been hiding, or avoiding using, their own magic powers since they came to Elderwood?

Does tragedy strike all of Elderwood, or only Thoron and Velania? (Sounds like they died.) What kind of tragedy? Disease? Famine? Enemy attack? Accidental deaths?

What is Natthan's challenge in this story, other than to just survive? Is there a battle coming up? Is there a bad guy he must fight against, someone who battled his parents years ago? How does his parents' past affect him? Or does it have no bearing on his situation after they are gone?

I would drop the last sentence, "Follow Nathan on his path..." You're stepping outside the blurb. I think you can put "coming of age" in your keywords, right?
agree. Need more info... But definitely drop the last sentence.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Oops I guess more details definitely important for help improving...

Genre: Fantasy
Location: Elderwood, small village along the trade routes between the major cities of the continent
Synopsis:
Thoron northern warrior, son of chieftain/king meets princess from foreign kingdom of Balta They marry and are living in Venecia, major trade port city close to her home land on same continent as Elderwood). Two assassination attempts in two days (poison at a dinner then warriors in market next day) cause them fear. They choose to leave Royal life behind to raise their son as simple trades people (blacksmith and a herbalist) -The prologue is the assassination attempts and decision to move-

Fourteen years later life in the small village is going well except Natthan has started to show signs of magic ability, parents knew this was a possibility. Problem is Magic is frowned upon on this continent. Decision coming soon to stay or move to her families kingdom where magic is a much more common thing.

Bandits have become a major issue along the trade routes of the nearby kingdom of Progoh, the king assigns an ambitious duke to deal with problem. Arrogance, callous disregard for life of commoners and stupid decision leads the duke to premise that Elderwood is actually a Bandit encampment. He orders his men to attack village. Majority of villagers are slain in attack including Thoron and Velaina. During the attack Thoron order Natthan to take his best friend Ella  and her little sister into the swamps to be safe.

From here Natthan leaves Elderwood, everything about village reminds him of his parents. Series of events brings him back where he finds a stranger rebuilding his home. Stranger is his mothers brother Verin, who enlightens him on the secrets his parents were keeping and helps guide him in future adventures. Natthan and Verin end up tracking down the actual bandits and killing them. Torn by emotional turmoil of killing the bandits Natthan and Verin end up traveling north to the land of his fathers people.

Meets his Grandfather, learns more about his fathers past and his own bloodlines, goes on journey to a mage who teaches him some basics of his magic powers then Natthan wants to return to Elderwood to say goodbye to his best friend (budding romance) Ella before journeying with his Uncle Verin to Balta to meet more of his mothers family.

They return to the South only to find that the duke who caused the tragic events to unfoil has fully committed to being a villain, Robbing and murdering in his own kingdom before fleeing south. During which time he returns to Elderwood to kill Natthan, finding him gone he kidnaps Ella kills the rest of the villagers and continues south. Leaving word for Natthan to come rescue her.

Natthan and Verin, using some of Natthan's new found magic abilities track down the duke and his men, and rescue the girl ....
 

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Thanks for the synopsis. This sounds like a very interesting story. I will come back later with blurb suggestions (have lots of real life stuff to do today).
 

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Here is something to start the ball rolling. Hope I didn't mess up any of the facts.

Natthan, fourteen-year-old son of warrior Thoron and Princess Velania, finds himself alone when his parents are killed in a raid on their peaceful village, Elderwood. Thoron and Velania had already fled the city of Venecia after two assassination attempts, leaving their royal life behind and planning to raise their son in Elderwood as a simple tradesman. They hoped he would not show signs of magic ability, since the practice of magic is frowned upon in this region, but when Natthan does show this ability they consider moving back to Velania’s homeland, Balta, where magic is accepted. However, their plans are shattered when the Duke of Progoh attacks Elderwood on the mistaken assumption that it is a bandit stronghold. The doomed Thoron’s final instructions to Natthan are to take his friends Ella and her little sister and hide in the swamps until the danger has passed.

After the Duke’s brutal soldiers leave Elderwood in ruins, Natthan finds it unbearable to stay there while grieving for his parents, so he leaves. Upon returning a few years later, he meets his uncle Verin, who tells him the secrets his parents had been keeping. Natthan and Verin kill the Duke’s bandits to avenge the deaths of Thoron and Velania, and then journey to Thoron’s homeland together.

But the Duke of Progoh has not finished with Elderwood. Having degenerated into a complete villain, the Duke returns to Elderwood to kill Natthan. Unable to find Natthan, he kills more of the villagers and takes Ella hostage in order to lure Natthan back. Natthan and Verin face the challenge of using Natthan’s newfound magic abilities to outwit the Duke and rescue Ella.

***

Since you said Thoron was the son of a warrior chieftan/king, is he called Prince Thoron? Then the parents would be Prince Thoron and Princess Velaina.
 

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Nathan with 2 Ts feels really strange. "Natthan." In my head, I pronounce it "Nat-Than."
 

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Have a feeling too much is revealed & that the blurb
ought to be shortened down to three brief paragraphs, as
Doc Lummox is known to advise.

Some good stuff here, though.

IMHO
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Thanks for the input, Bluebonnet I think a blurb like that would give too much away and is longer than optimum. Lets see if version two is a bit better...





They left the royal life, its intrigues and dangers, behind for the small village of Elderwood.  For fourteen years they live a peaceful and simple life, then one day Natthan shows signs of magic ability and all their plans are thrown into question. Before they can share their secret pasts with their son, a tragic series of missteps by an ambitious duke leads to the slaughter of the village. Natthan survives but both his parents are slain by soldier’s swords.

Devastated by loss Natthan heads to the wilds to mourn. When he finally returns he finds a mysterious uncle waiting for him. Natthan joins his uncle Verin on a quest to complete the mission the duke failed to do, track down the bandits plaguing the area.

Natthan's quest finds him pitted against deadly bandits, vicious mythical creatures and a northern king who will either kill him or call him grandson. Then he faces the ultimate test, will his swordsmanship and new found magical skills be enough to rescue his friend Ella from the dastardly duke...

 

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Much better!

Suggestions: I'd start the first sentence with the parents' names, Thoron and Velania, instead of just "they." Add "with" to "its intrigues and dangers." Say "Then one day their son Natthan" instead of waiting to say he's their son in the next sentence. So it would be:

Thoron and Velania left the royal life, with its intrigues and dangers, behind for the small village of Elderwood.  For fourteen years they live a peaceful and simple life, then one day their son Natthan shows signs of magic ability and all their plans are thrown into question. Before they can share their secret pasts with Natthan, a tragic series of missteps by an ambitious duke leads to the slaughter of the village. Natthan survives but both his parents are slain by soldier's swords.


 
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