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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey all,

We're considering tinkering with the blurb for one of our books, Love On The Run. It's a contemporary romance with suspense elements and some action, so it's been a little more difficult to market than our other romances. We're concerned that it isn't coming across as romancey enough.

I've included the original blurb plus the one we've rewritten. Tell me what you think and don't hold back! Thanks!

Original
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In Los Angeles, a drug lord commits a cold-blooded murder. There is only one witness, struggling actress Calista Reed. If she wants to survive, she has to run. She makes it as far as Montana when she crashes into...sexy county sheriff Jake Brand.

Jake realizes the beautiful Callie is in deep trouble. He's determined to help, but he didn't plan on falling for the mysterious redhead. Callie's dangerous past is quickly catching up to her. Will they trust each other in time?

Filled with romance, suspense, and humor, Love on the Run will keep your heart racing till the end.

New
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Independent Callie Reed has always lived by her wits. Her rollercoaster luck just took a hard turn, though, and after witnessing a murder, she does the only thing she can. She runs.

In the middle of Montana, her luck hurls her right into charming county sheriff Jake Brand, who saves her life, but then asks for too big a payment: the truth. Worse, Callie realizes that she’s in serious danger of falling in love with her protector.

Chance brought them together, but only trust can keep them that way...and time is running out. Filled with romance and suspense, Love on the Run will keep your heart racing till the end.
 

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I like the new blurb much better than the old one. In fact, I liked it so much, I went and bought the book. :)

Oh, just a suggestion, you might get more comments if you change the title of the thread a bit.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Shayne said:
I like the new blurb much better than the old one. In fact, I liked it so much, I went and bought the book. :)

Oh, just a suggestion, you might get more comments if you change the title of the thread a bit.
Oh, thanks! Let us know how you like it.

And i changed the thread title... my humor got the best of me this morning. :)
 

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This has the feel of the 1985 Harrison Ford film "Witness," where Ford tries to protect an Amish child who witnessed a murder in Philadelphia.  This is a thriller with a not-fulfilled romance with Amish Kelly McGillis.  Your story seems to start like that but then the prime danger to your independent gal seems to be she might fall in love.  I want to know more about the real danger--is it mob related, for example.  Is there a good villain?  I don't want to be told flat out, in the end, that this story is filled with "romance and suspense."  Show, not tell.
 

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T.L. Haddix said:
I liked the original title of the thread, for what it's worth.
I did, too, actually. But I almost missed it, and it hadn't gotten many looks, so I thought something different might help it get noticed.
 

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I think the second blurb is definitely more effective than the first. I'd give a book with something like your original blurb a miss unless someone personally recommended it to me, but I'd at least look at the sample for a book with your rewritten blurb.


One small thing though. The word payment from the second paragraph keeps niggling at me. I get what you're going for, and I like the idea, but there's something about using the word "payment" when talking about a LEO saving someone's life. My suggestion would be to change to something like "...who saves her life and then asks her for the one thing she's not prepared to give: the truth."

Just my 2 cents, others may disagree.  :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Blake Sheridan said:
One small thing though. The word payment from the second paragraph keeps niggling at me. I get what you're going for, and I like the idea, but there's something about using the word "payment" when talking about a LEO saving someone's life. My suggestion would be to change to something like "...who saves her life and then asks her for the one thing she's not prepared to give: the truth."
Good point. I hadn't thought of that on my first 10 reads, but i agree. I'll kick this idea around with Elizabeth.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Newest edit
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Callie Reed has always lived by her wits. Her rollercoaster luck just took a hard turn, though, and after witnessing a murder, she does the only thing that she can. She runs.

In the middle of Montana, her luck lands her right into the arms of charming county sheriff Jake Brand, who saves her life. But then he asks her for the one thing she is not prepared to give: the truth. Worse, Callie realizes that her past catching up with her.

Chance brought them together, but only trust can keep them that way...and time is running out.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Ok, the blurb has been improved. I wanted to ask our generous and wonderful community to provide their opinion about the cover design. Have at it!



Description:
She can run from her past, but not from her heart...

Callie Reed has always lived by her wits. Her rollercoaster luck just took a hard turn, though, and after witnessing a murder, she does the only thing that she can. She runs.

In the middle of Montana, her luck lands her right into the arms of charming county sheriff Jake Brand, who saves her life. But then he asks her for the one thing she is not prepared to give: the truth. Worse, Callie realizes that her past catching up with her.

Chance brought them together, but only trust can keep them that way...and time is running out.
 

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nico said:
I wanted to ask our generous and wonderful community to provide their opinion about the cover design.
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Change the color of the sky to bridge the same colors in your other "Love" book - deep blue to the rose-red. The color on that book is brighter and more engaging and by reusing that scheme you keep the series together.
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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
jvin248 said:
Change the color of the sky to bridge the same colors in your other "Love" book - deep blue to the rose-red. The color on that book is brighter and more engaging and by reusing that scheme you keep the series together.
Interesting idea, but it's not a series. LOVE ON THE RUN is a contemporary while LOVE IS BLIND is a Regency.
 
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