[NickSpalding]

When you get your fifth review on Amazon, you will be entitled to a visit from the Fifth Review Fairy. (She's quite busy, so you have to be patient. It may take a while for her to get round to you.) When she comes, she will ask you three questions. Get the answers right, and she will grant you a wish.

These wishes do not always come true, it has to be said. But it's an experience not to be missed. It's a good idea to offer her tea, coffee or something stronger. You wouldn't want to fall out with a fairy.

Lexi

Unfortunately the fifth review visited me at about 1am.

I am now on bail for assault.

She is on bail for attempted burglary.