[mscottwriter]

Hey,

I finally finished the cover art and the blurb for a paranormal romance series that I'm releasing at the end of August. If you all could give me any feedback at all, I'd be so very grateful

Here's the blurb:Lilith Straight never called herself a saint, but until she started working for the devil, she had no idea what a sinner was.
When Lilith is struck by a passing car while sending a naughty text message, she's sent directly to hell. Not because of the racy text, but because her great-great-great-great-great grandmother, Sarah Goodswain made a deal with the Devil in order to avoid being hanged as a witch. Unfortunately, the bargain not only included Sarah, but all of her female progeny as well, all of whom must serve as succubae. Now it's Lilith's turn.
The job has its benefits. A new wardrobe is one, as is the chance to get revenge on her cheating ex-husband. And when the arrogant, but oh-so yummy incubus William Darcy shows up, Lilith's thinks she may be in heaven after all.
It's soon clear, however, that the Devil is a demanding master. After all, it's hard enough being a single mom without being forced to compromise the moral standards she's trying to instill in her innocent daughter and rebellious niece. So when the Devil gives an order so outrageous Lilith can't bear to follow it, she knows she has to find a way out of the contract by beating the Devil at his own game.

 

[TWGallier]

I like the blurb more than the cover.  The cover looks good, but it doesn't seem to fit with the blurb.  She doesn't look like a succubus.  I guess the apple is significant.  But it is an attractive cover.

 

[tawnytaylor]

Okay. I'll take a stab at this...

First, the cover. It's not saying romance to me. That's not to say I don't like the cover. The photo's very clever and eye catching. But it might not be the right choice if your book is a paranormal romance. To get a better feel for what works for paranormal romance covers, I'd do some "window shopping" at Amazon and look at the covers of paranormal romance ebooks for inspiration. Generally, you're going to find one of two things: a couple in some kind of romantic/sexy pose or a half nekkid man.

Second, not a fan of the brownish gold band behind the title. I'd prefer to see an image that's more vertical, so you can avoid blocks of color above/below. I think it looks more professional and fits better with romance cover conventions.

And now, the blurb.

As it is, it's pretty good. But it could be better, stronger.

First, I found a typo or two, so you'll want to go over it a few times to make sure it's clean before you post the final version.

Second, like the cover, it doesn't say paranormal romance. There's a mention of a hot incubus, but it's brief. The rest of the blurb focuses on your heroine and her journey. That should be an easy fix, assuming what you've written is actually a romance. After you mention Darcy, keep him active in the blurb, and highlight the conflicts both between the hero and heroine and the one between the couple and the devil.

I hope that helps!

 

[EntangledLewis]

I'm just not feeling it, but I'm having a hard time figuring out why. Part of it is the cover, part is the blurb. I wonder why you inset the top image like that instead of going to the edges with it. Any chance of getting an alt take on that photo with a wry smile so it looks a bit more wicked? I also feel like the color of the apple clashes with the background color somewhat, but that may be just me.

I think that brings me to the other part. I can't really tell what the tone of the book is supposed to be from the cover and the blurb. I know it is paranormal, but is is fun, flirty "oh-so yummy" paranormal or is it a darker, more serious tone? Or maybe it is both, I don't know.

Is the similarity to the Jane Austen character Fitzwilliam Darcy intentional?

Sounds like it is going to be a fun story. good luck with it!

 

[mscottwriter]

Thanks!

Yeah, this is supposed to be a romance, and after reading your comments, I see that I haven't stressed that part of the book enough in the blurb.  There's so much going on in the book that I had a very hard time knowing what to say.  I'm wondering if I should just not call it paranormal romance (even though there is a romance and it is central to the plot...)

Thanks for the comments on the cover, too.  I did look at *a lot* of other paranormal romance covers, but I kind of wanted something different from hot bods (especially since there is a lot of romance/build up in the book but really no sex.)  The cover art with the apple is supposed to bring to mind Eve's temptation (since the book is all about temptation) and the band behind the letters is actually a picture of flames (which represent hell...)

*sigh*  Back to the drawing board...

Thanks again  

 

[Todd Russell]

Hmm, wordy IMO.

Lilith Straight never called herself a saint, but until she started working for the devil, she had no idea what a sinner was. (cliched)

When Lilith is struck by a passing car while sending a naughty text message, she's and sent (banished?) directly to hell. Not because of the racy text, but because Her great-great-great-great-greatdistant ancestor, Sarah Goodswain made a deal with the Devil in order to avoid being hanged as a witch. Unfortunately, the bargain not only included Sarah, but all of her female progeny as well, all of whom must serve as succubae.

Now Lilith works for the underworld

A new wardrobe is one, as is the chance to get revenge on her cheating ex-husband. And when the arrogant, but oh-so yummy incubus William Darcy shows up, Lilith's thinks she may be in heaven after all.

It's soon clear, however, that and the Devil is a demanding master. After all, it's hard enough being a single mom without being forced to compromise the moral standards she's trying to instill in her innocent daughter and rebellious niece. So

The job has its benefits until the Devil gives an order so outrageous Lilith can't bear to follow it. she knows she has to find a way out of the contract by beating the Devil at his own game.
[/s]

Here it is pieced together with some further modification and needs more massaging, but something less wordy anyway:

Lilith is struck by a passing car while sending a naughty text message and banished to hell. Thanks to a deal with the Devil by an ancestor she must work for a demanding master in the underworld.

She gains a new wardrobe and the chance to get revenge on her cheating ex-husband. When she meets the arrogant, but oh-so yummy incubus William Darcy, Lilith's thinks maybe she's in heaven.

The job has its benefits until the Devil gives an order so outrageous Lilith can't bear to follow it.

 

[mscottwriter]

I think that brings me to the other part. I can't really tell what the tone of the book is supposed to be from the cover and the blurb. I know it is paranormal, but is is fun, flirty "oh-so yummy" paranormal or is it a darker, more serious tone? Or maybe it is both, I don't know.

Is the similarity to the Jane Austen character Fitzwilliam Darcy intentional?

The book is mostly upbeat with that chick-lit feel (like Sookie Stackhouse), but it also has it's dark spots.

Yup, that resemblance was intentional!

 

[EntangledLewis]

The book is mostly upbeat with that chick-lit feel (like Sookie Stackhouse), but it also has it's dark spots.

I thought it might be, because of the yummy comment, and the new wardrobe bit. I think you might take another look at the tone and make sure it comes across consistently. Of course, you want the cover to reinforce that. A wry smile might help, or a bite out of the apple. Maybe a lighter background color? A more flrty looking font?

 

[mscottwriter]

Good idea about the ironic smile and the color.  I've changed both.  And I sincerely appreciate the remark about consistency.  It's a problem with me.  I used an editor for this book for that very reason.

Thanks everyone!