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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
The Fifty Shades of Tinsel ebook has been available on 'Zon (& other places) for a year now
and I thought it was about time to put out a paper version, only I just didn't feel the blurb
was quite right. Parts of it were fine, but the middle section was a bit longish & revealed more info than I was happy with.
What to do?

No major revelation here: (For me, as well as for so many of us here) blurbs equal dread. I either jam too much in, or else boil the whole thing down to a brief paragraph. And, frankly, sometimes that's all you really need. Only this time I couldn't see my way through.

Long story short: spent this past Sunday working and re-working the thing with some tremendous Kb folks. I wanted to thank them publicly: Gabriella West (my copyeditor), Jack Krenneck, Sever Bronny, Melody Simmons (who did the wonderful cover), Tricia O'Malley and last, never least, the inimitable Cin. ;)

Should mention that an effort was made to contact the estimable & extraordinary blurb doc himself: yes, Lummox, Jr. Alas, the doc never got back to us. It's quite possible that the surgeon was chasing a golf ball on some golf course somewhere. A well deserved break, no doubt, as the gent has done more than his share of rescuing ailing blurbs in dire need of his remarkable skills with the scalpel, er, red marker.

And so, here's what we came up with , my KB friends. We're open to feedback: likes, dislikes, etc.
By the way, the first volume in the series, Heartthrob, is perma-free all over the place: Amazon, iTunes, B&N, Kobo, scribd, et al.

(One final note: Fifty Shades of Tinsel is not a parody of the E.L. James book. The lady was probably just learning to walk when I first wrote this thing (& did some heavy revising just last year). My lead male is broke; it's the woman who has a few bucks. Most of the carnal episodes take place in LA/Hollywood/Beverly Hills, the rest of the sizzling action occurs in the San Fran area. It's basically a male/female love story, for those who might be wondering. Yes, there is a lot more going on, but when you come down to it, it's about a man and a woman trying to connect.

**THEY CALL HIM TUBESTEAK**

Jimmy Riff, a well-endowed preacher's son whose life is adrift, stopped off in Hollywood on his way to Oregon in search of a lost love. Instead of finding his dream, LA's sleazy underbelly trapped him.

Now he's a gigolo, dubbed James Kidd by his tough-guy manager Benjamin T. Styles and forced to do the pimp's bidding by sleeping with Hollywood honchos, both male and female, to further Styles' agenda of scoring a serious movie role. Jimmy is his meal ticket to stardom, and he intends to exploit him.

A life of debauchery, encountering an endless parade of kinky users and sadistic abusers, leaves Jimmy unfulfilled. He desperately seeks a way out. A beautiful young woman at a sleazy Valley party just might be the answer to his dreams...if only he can get the relentless Styles off his back.

Intended for mature audiences.
 

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Looks good. 
 

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Looks good except that you have a dangling modifier:  "Instead of finding his dream, LA's sleazy underbelly trapped him."

Change it to something like: Instead of finding his dream, Jimmy found himself trapped by LA's sleazy underbelly.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thank you, Cin.

Bluebonnet:
Did you whip blurbs into shape for a living in another life?
You have the gift. Not unlike Doc Lummox, Jr.
Appreciate the feedback. Thank you.

Would love to hear from L.L. Akers. Another member who's
quite astute when it comes to blurbs.

Meant to thank Axel Blackwell for his input in the earlier post. You're
tops, pal, as are so many peeps here.

Would like to point out that someone did object to the line
**They call him Tubesteak**

Well, would **Portrait of a Hollywood Hustler** work any better?
Open to feedback, etc.

Kirkee
 

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Aw, thanks, Kirkee. I think Lummox and I are very different in our approaches to blurbs, but I'm glad that both of us could help you.

I vote for "Portrait of a Hollywood Hustler." It's more descriptive of the story. Also it's catchy and sexy. It would draw my attention if I were a reader browsing Amazon for books.
 
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