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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This is for The Machine God, part of a shared universe project that actually started here in the WC. Four (originally five) writers, one universe, four standalone novels. This one is mine:

Once upon a time, I built myself a god...

Professor Oladel Adewole has lost tenure, and the beloved, much-younger sister he's raised has died. With no reason to stay, he leaves his homeland for the University of Eisenstadt.

One thing makes life there bearable: the island floating a mile above the city. Adewole is an expert in the myths told all over the world about the island, but no one's ever been there, nor knows how it got there.

When a brilliant engineer makes it to the island in her new invention, the government sends Adewole up with its first survey team. The expedition finds civilization, and Adewole finds a powerful, forbidden fusion of magic and metal: the Machine God.

The government wants it. So does a sociopath bent on ruling Eisenstadt. But when Adewole discovers who the mechanical creature is--and what it can do--he risks his heart and his life to protect the Machine God from the world, and the world from the Machine God.



The other three novels are Black Mercury (Charlotte E. English), The Kaiser Affair (Joseph Robert Lewis) and Starcaster (Kat Parrish). More novels and short stories are planned for this shared universe.
 

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My only comment is on how the text comes across at small sizes. The title holds up ok (not great) but the series dies fast, and the author is weak at small sizes.

The art is two thumbs up, of course.

The blurb is good.
 

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I think the cover is awesome, and looks totally professional, even at small sizes (you don't have to be able to read everything in thumbnail, it just needs to look good, in my opinion).

The blurb is good, but it feels a little rambling to me.  I think the first two paragraphs could be condensed into one?
 

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Love it! Looks like a must-read!  :)
 

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The cover looks awesome and it sounds like a great read. I love steampunk! How exciting. And the shared universe thing is a really cool idea.
 

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Very nice.  I'm a big steampunk fan so may be right up my alley.

I'd like cover art like that some day. Ah, to dream...
 

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Pretty cool. Strong "The Iron Giant" vibe. I also think the text is a wee small; also, a part of the blurb I don't understand:

"One thing makes life there bearable: the island floating a mile above the city."

It seems like a nonsequitur or maybe I'm not getting what you meant. Why does an unknown object make life bearable? I just found that a little confusing.

Other than that it sounds pretty cool and worth reading.
 

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is the name really Oladel? At first glance, the name sounds Nigerian, a yoruba name to be exact.  In that case, Oladel is strange.  Are you sure it isn't Oladele?  The dele suffix isn't pronounced like in 'Adele' but phonetically, as in 'de-leh' (actually thats a bad approximation because Yoruba is a tonal language. but it is two sounds not one sound like in Adele). There would be accents on the word to stress the correct tones, but that's neither here nor there.

Nice cover by the way.  It's bold and dramatic.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
It's based on Yoruban--several of the words and names in the book are--but isn't meant to be actual Yoruban. :) Jero, the city-state the main character is from, is a pastiche of Nigeria, Egypt and Paris; it's one of the oldest and mightiest civilizations and the center of this world's culture and learning--except for high tech. Eisenstadt is outstripping everyone in engineering, but is still a somewhat minor city-state, especially compared to Jero.

Chrystalla--this book is more fantasy than steampunk. Other books in the series (notably Charlotte E. English's Black Mercury) lean more that way.
 

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Interesting blurb and beautiful cover! Though oddly it reminds me of "The Brave Little Toaster" not at all sure why, might just be time I re-watched an old favorite :D
 

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MeiLinMiranda said:
This is for The Machine God, part of a shared universe project that actually started here in the WC. Four (originally five) writers, one universe, four standalone novels. This one is mine:

Once upon a time, I built myself a god... [how is this connected to the rest of the blurb? who built is? the engineer? the professor? the government?]

Professor Oladel Adewole has lost tenure, and the beloved, much-younger sister he's raised has died. With no reason to stay [thats not a reason to leave], he leaves his homeland for the University of Eisenstadt.
...

The government wants it. So does a sociopath bent on ruling Eisenstadt. But when [to many whens in the blurb, don't like them in blurbs personally] Adewole discovers who the mechanical creature is--and what it can do--he risks his heart and his life to protect the Machine God from the world [why? why does he care? are they friends? is so, say it :)], and the world from the Machine God.
[feels like there is a line missing at the end]

Tightened up a little, need to get to the point I think, tell the reader what it is about quickly, so they can decide if they care or not...

Avoid "when" this "when" that in blurbs if you can.

***

Tighter (in my humble opinion):

Professor Adewole has lost tenure and his beloved younger sister is dead. With no reason to stay he leaves his homeland for the University of Eisenstadt, for a mile above lies an ancient island. No one's ever been there, nor knows how it got there, however the invention of a brilliant engineer will allow the government to send and expedition for the first time. Adewole has been summoned.

The expedition finds civilization, and Adewole finds a powerful, forbidden fusion of magic and metal: the Machine God.

The government wants it. So does a sociopath bent on ruling Eisenstadt, and Adewole will risk his heart and life to protect the Machine God from the world, and the world from the Machine God. For inside this mechanical creature Adewole has found...

[again feels like there is a line missing at the end]

***

Anyway, just my thoughts! ;D
 
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