Change the tense to the present to begin with. That'll give the blurb lots more impact.
First Pass at Blurb - Please Help!
Writing the blurb for my first book was a piece of cake. This is my second book and I'm having a helluva time with the blurb. I know it needs help, but I'm not sure where. I can't tell if it's clear, has enough information, if it's disjointed......Any help will be appreciated so much! The name of the book is "Special Levels of Earthly Hell." Subtitle: A Story of Demonic Possession Inspired by Actual Events"
Here it is.......
Drew Collins was an atheist who experienced the world in black and white. As an educated man of science, there was no place in his studies, certainly no place in his life, for demons. And yet he knew they existed. He had seen The Beast for himself. In his own home.
While traveling in Mexico he was charmed by the beautiful Adriana and brought her home to be his wife. But Adriana was Catholic...and she had a secret. While visiting a bruja, a Mexican witch, she contacted a demon while using a Ouija board.
As he watched the demon, The Beast, as he came to call it, take possession of his wife’s body, the very foundation of Drew’s beliefs were shaken to the core. What he witnessed in the night in his own bedroom could not be reconciled with science. And yet he saw it with his own eyes.
As Adriana’s sisters migrated from Mexico to live nearby, The Beast began to wrap its tentacles around their lives as well, literally squeezing the life from them and those they loved.
Drew reached out to two women for help, women experienced with demonic shielding. Would his efforts to overpower an entity he couldn’t label and couldn’t understand come in time to save his marriage and the lives of his loved ones?
Here it is.......
Drew Collins was an atheist who experienced the world in black and white. As an educated man of science, there was no place in his studies, certainly no place in his life, for demons. And yet he knew they existed. He had seen The Beast for himself. In his own home.
While traveling in Mexico he was charmed by the beautiful Adriana and brought her home to be his wife. But Adriana was Catholic...and she had a secret. While visiting a bruja, a Mexican witch, she contacted a demon while using a Ouija board.
As he watched the demon, The Beast, as he came to call it, take possession of his wife’s body, the very foundation of Drew’s beliefs were shaken to the core. What he witnessed in the night in his own bedroom could not be reconciled with science. And yet he saw it with his own eyes.
As Adriana’s sisters migrated from Mexico to live nearby, The Beast began to wrap its tentacles around their lives as well, literally squeezing the life from them and those they loved.
Drew reached out to two women for help, women experienced with demonic shielding. Would his efforts to overpower an entity he couldn’t label and couldn’t understand come in time to save his marriage and the lives of his loved ones?
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Just a suggestion on the 'less is more' train of thought (and cobbled together very quickly so it needs work). Use, adapt or ignore as you wish:
Drew Collins is an atheist who experiences the world in black and white. As an educated man of science, there is no place in his life for demons.
Yet he knows they exist. He has seen The Beast. It has taken possession of his wife.
Against every instinct, Drew reaches out for help. It is not just his marriage that’s at stake.
Drew must face a stark choice: sacrifice his beliefs or his loved ones.
Drew Collins is an atheist who experiences the world in black and white. As an educated man of science, there is no place in his life for demons.
Yet he knows they exist. He has seen The Beast. It has taken possession of his wife.
Against every instinct, Drew reaches out for help. It is not just his marriage that’s at stake.
Drew must face a stark choice: sacrifice his beliefs or his loved ones.
Sam's is perfect. Don't give too much and get rid of the passive verbs in a blurb.
Thank you all so much! The less is is more approach works really well and it didn't occur to me to write it in present tense. It all works.
I'll do my best to return the favor to the next writer who needs another eye.
I'll do my best to return the favor to the next writer who needs another eye.
I spotted an off-kilter element in Sam's otherwise excellent revision of the blurb: I don't think atheists "know" (or even believe) that demons exist, so I'd suggest dropping "Yet he knows they exist" and substitute "but he has seen the Beast." This more powerfully highlights the main character's internal conflict and better sets up the book's theme.Sam Kates said:Drew Collins is an atheist...there is no place in his life for demons. Yet he knows they exist. He has seen The Beast...
1 - 6 of 6 Posts
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