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We all get them and most don't even make sense, but occasionally we get a funny one. Besides, we can all use a breather around here. Here's mine.

I wrote a book about an earthquake in Seattle, and the reviewer said it was a very good depiction of the Chicago fire.

Got a funny one to share?
 

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I had a very nice review on character development and how excellent it was, but unfortunately they were clearly talking about a different book  ::)
 

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Had someone put in their review about the characters stopping to eat cut-up onions and tomatoes.

No such scene exists.
 

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Martitalbott said:
I wrote a book about an earthquake in Seattle, and the reviewer said it was a very good depiction of the Chicago fire.
That's pretty far off! You have to wonder what the background is for a review like that. Maybe they read the book but were distracted as they wrote the review? Or maybe there was a significant delay between reading your book and writing the review, and they got it mixed up with another book?

I don't have any really funny reviews, but my favorite "doesn't match the book" review included the comment: Teacher in question inherited a large gun collection from dad, but they all seem to be Glocks. "Take this Glock, no maybe this Glock is better." Hint: Dear old dad didn't collect Glocks. The teacher in question didn't inherit anything from his father, and what he did inherit wasn't firearm-related. Anyway, at least the reader probably skimmed the book and had the right general topic, unlike your review!
 

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I wrote a book with a 26 year old heroine who is relieved to finally lose her virginity and it has two angry one star reviews that I "demean chastity" by having her want to have sex. Uh, the book is called "The Maverick's Virgin Mistress"--what did they think was going to happen in it? :D
 

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When I first put Diaries on B&N, a reader mentioned how much she loved my TV show. LOL  I think she was thinking of Sonja Fitzpatrick's pet psychic show on Animal Planet.
 

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The most enigmatic review is simply:  "to many books about the earth."

My favorite review made me laugh out loud when I first read it, even though it's only 2 stars.  It has this line:  "Towards the middle of the book it was hard to care for what was going to happen next. Which was most likely farming or chicken trading, nothing that wows you." 

I freely admit--it's hard to make farming exciting, it really is.  ;)
 

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My funniest review (which sadly Amazon has taken down) for my Beginning book was titled something like: LOVE THESE BALLS! :eek:
I nearly thought it was a prank, but it was a genuine review for an ice ball maker. I wonder if the guy who had left the review had been told that his review had been removed (I'm not even sure the review ever got to the correct item).
 

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"A really good addition to the Zombie genre."

...and not a zombie in the book. Not even a hint of one.

"A story with any kind of explicit violence is not for me." This from a thriller that explicitly says in the blurb, "Rated PG-13 for violence, language and adult situations."
 

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A recent review for one of my books about life on the Chesapeake Bay was really complimentary but mentioned it was about life on the Mississippi...certainly a slip...of about 1500 miles, but I appreciated the five stars! His heart was in the right place.  Another one slammed me because she THOUGHT it was nonfiction when the book was actually fiction and well marked as such. She damned Amazon for posting in the wrong category but my book is the one that got the one-star, not Zon.
 

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These are too funny. I got dinged with a 1 star because "the book was exactly what you'd think it would be from the cover and blurb"

I'm still trying to wrap my head around that one. :)
 

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Alex Owens said:
These are too funny. I got dinged with a 1 star because "the book was exactly what you'd think it would be from the cover and blurb"

I'm still trying to wrap my head around that one. :)
Maybe they were saying it was too predictable? I have no idea. That is truly boggling.

I mean, the cover and blurb are there to tell you what the book is...
And.. *head asplode*

Hi guys. I have no reviews. I'm not published yet.
*popcorn*
 

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'The product arrived on time and the packaging was intact.'

This, for an ebook. Still, he gave me five stars, so I can't complain.
 

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I got this review as a comment on a humorous short story I posted on my blog:

"The fact that this won anything except the ire of your contemporaries baffles and infuriates me."

My immediate reaction was to crack up. I thought it was over-the-top awesome.
 

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Scott Bartlett said:
I got this review as a comment on a humorous short story I posted on my blog:

"The fact that this won anything except the ire of your contemporaries baffles and infuriates me."

My immediate reaction was to crack up. I thought it was over-the-top awesome.
That is brilliant. ;D
 

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timstevens said:
'The product arrived on time and the packaging was intact.'

This, for an ebook. Still, he gave me five stars, so I can't complain.
Tim, that reminded me of one I had for one of my ebooks:

'Great Price, quick delivery, exactly as described. Buy with confidence.'

Like you, this reviewer gave me five stars! Perhaps it's the same person?

I really must insist that Amazon expedite delivery of my ebooks in future - no more of this hanging round for two seconds before the book's delivered. Especially if it encourages five star reviews. :D
 

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I used myself as a model for all my yoga books, because I'm not that flexible, and I wanted to show that even someone non-flexible can do the simple poses.  So I really got a kick out of this review,

"I like the fact that it has exact pictures on how to do the moves and the little toilet paper roll is adorable although I might have picked a different person model . . . "

I cracked up laughing when I read that!
 
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