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Discussion Starter #1
We do need some "funny" we are getting a bit stagnant...OK: Here's my dose of FUNNY:

TITLE: My mother farted; TWICE!

30 years ago: I was 16 and dating my husband; we came in about 11:30 from a date and my mother had fallen asleep on the couch waiting up for me. I plopped on the floor next to my twin brother who was watching TV; my husband, (then boyfriend) sat spine-straight in my father's chair with his hands folded in his lap. All of a sudden; from the couch....RIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiPPPP... My brother and I were pissing our pants, rolling on the floor, dying laughing, with tears streaming down our faces. My husband was still spine-straight; hands folded in his lap, stone-faced. (He told me once we got married; that he laughed his ass off all the way home and then some.)

"Cut" (pun intended) to: The next morning: We told my mother what she did. Her response (we laugh to this day) was: "That's it...that boy is not allowed in this house past 10:00!!" My brother and I died laughing and asked; "what's that got to do with the price of beans; do you only fart after a certain time?"

"CUT" to: Last week: (do show some sympathy; my mother's chemo/radiation meds: effects are wicked):

We felt bad for my mother, who never gets out of the house except for chemo and radiation... Her bloodcount came back good this week: (not supposed to go into public places (low immunities) So, (my having had a birthday): We took her to her all time favorite place, the casino. When we were done; we dropped her off at her house; (Hubby driving; Ma passenger seat; me, back seat) as she got out of the car....RIIIIiiiiPPPP...My husband (30 years later now) BURST OUT LAUGHING; my mother said ooooh excuse me and said; "ooh good thing you're married now!" (again, the price of beans]) My husband and I rode home gasping in laughter, tears dripping down our faces, pissing our pants the whole way home...

(Of course; I called my twin brother the next morning.) God if my mother ever knew I posted this:

TAG...You're IT...POST YOUR FAVORITE FUNNY within reason...
 

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When I was 16 I decided it was time for my boyfriend to meet my grandparents. I had to visit grandma and I wasn't going alone. She had just got out of the hospital after having gallbladder surgery. This was in the days that you were cut. We get there and she is in her pjs and as soon as we sat down she says "want to see my scar" and proceeds to lift up her top to show us. My boyfriend turned white, then red. She wasn't wearing a bra and after having 12 children wasn't exactly perky anymore so both boobs are hanging down to her waist. I couldn't wait to get out of there because I didn't dare start laughing until we got out to the car.

When my grandparents got older my grandfather didn't want to stop driving. They were crossing a busy road and were hit on the passenger side door. When everyone gets to the hospital all you can hear in the emergency room was my grandfather yelling at my grandmother This is all your fault, you weren't looking your way for cars. They had a system, he looked left and she was suppose to look to the right. He was furious because he knew he would loose his driver's license.

One more....
Again, I'm sixteen and I had double-booked a date. Both boys show up at the house at the same time. Very awkward. I'm sitting there trying to figure out what to do, when my Dad comes out of the bedroom carrying one of his spare artificial legs and tells them the most serious voice This is what happened to the last boyfriend that tried to get fresh with my daughter. They both left and didn't ask me out again, but it was so worth it to see the look on both of their faces. We all had a great laugh.
 

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SJC:  stagnant? I don't think so! But we have changed a bit, and will continue to change as new members join and the occasional member decides to leave.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Lol.  I like the boob one.  My father had 7 sisters and not one of them was less than a double D and then some.  They all but 1 lived into their 80's; needless to say:  they could tuck their boobs into their socks.
 

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My grandmother's boobs were massive too, and also down to her waist and beyond. If I was acting up as a little kid she would grab one and try to whack me sideways with one of them.
But that might be a better story to tell a shrink instead of the K board. :-\

sjc said:
Lol. I like the boob one. My father had 7 sisters and not one of them was less than a double D and then some. They all but 1 lived into their 80's; needless to say: they could tuck their boobs into their socks.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Harvey:  Less stagnant if you share your funny story... ;)
 

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After being married for 24 years I was divorced and back on the dating scene.  My two teenage children and I were at the mall shopping one evening and decided to get some pizza at the food court.  The man waiting on us was very cute and I was attempting to be my "charming" self.  My kids got their pizza and went to sit down, and left me to pay.  I was chatting away and I pull my wallet out of my purse and hold it up to get out my money, and what do I find laying in the fold; a tampon.  He couldn't miss it.  I quietly paid for our pizza and sat down with my kids, with my back to the counter of course. 
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Dreneee:  Better a tampon than a condom; sort of...lol.
 

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If I had had a condom at least he would have known I was available for ---- never mind. 
 

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SJC & Kathy,
You certainly provided us with a good dose of funny!  I was laughing so hard reading your posts that my husband thought I had lost it.

I told him he had to read these - I couldn't stop laughing to read them to him.  Needless to say, he had the same reaction I did.

Laughter is supposed to be great medicine for stress relief.  So after a hectic week at work, this thread has been very refreshing.
 

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About seeing peoples body parts that you shouldn't...

My dad was recently in the hospital and was wearing one of those infamous hospital gowns.  Unfortunately I saw things that will forever be burned into my retinas.  But on the other hand, he was pretty impressive and he has a darn good butt for an 83 year old!

I'm going to need therapy. 
 

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kim said:
About seeing peoples body parts that you shouldn't...

My dad was recently in the hospital and was wearing one of those infamous hospital gowns. Unfortunately I saw things that will forever be burned into my retinas. But on the other hand, he was pretty impressive and he has a darn good butt for an 83 year old!

I'm going to need therapy.
I'm choking I'm laughing so hard.
 

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So, I was getting a facial this morning...

As the procedure was going on, we were chatting about this and that and the esthetician -- I'll call her Sharon, because that's her name -- was chatting about her esthetician friend Jane down in Florida. Apparently Jane has developed a lucrative waxing business and a big part of her clientele are male strippers -- who want to be waxed everywhere. Sharon is freaking out about this. "Men! Men!" she says, "I can't imagine giving them a Brazilian!"

Then in the next minute, she tells me she is gearing up for the summer season when she'll be "very busy." "Oh," I ask innocently, "why are you busy in the summer?" Turns out she has a large clientele of cyclists (male) who want to be waxed -- get ready for it -- everywhere. Arms, legs, underarms, chests, backs, and...yes, the other place. Apparently on cyclists it's not called a Brazilian so it's...not the same? Not as embarrassing for the esthestician? You tell me. I'm still trying to figure this one out.

L
 

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Leslie said:
So, I was getting a facial this morning...

As the procedure was going on, we were chatting about this and that and the esthetician -- I'll call her Sharon, because that's her name -- was chatting about her esthetician friend Jane down in Florida. Apparently Jane has developed a lucrative waxing business and a big part of her clientele are male strippers -- who want to be waxed everywhere. Sharon is freaking out about this. "Men! Men!" she says, "I can't imagine giving them a Brazilian!"

Then in the next minute, she tells me she is gearing up for the summer season when she'll be "very busy." "Oh," I ask innocently, "why are you busy in the summer?" Turns out she has a large clientele of cyclists (male) who want to be waxed -- get ready for it -- everywhere. Arms, legs, underarms, chests, backs, and...yes, the other place. Apparently on cyclists it's not called a Brazilian so it's...not the same? Not as embarrassing for the esthestician? You tell me. I'm still trying to figure this one out.

L
huh? I'm quite curious. I have a friend who is a triathlete, I'll have to ask him ;D
 

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kim said:
huh? I'm quite curious. I have a friend who is a triathlete, I'll have to ask him ;D
Yes, find out if they like to be waxed smooth all over. I am still pondering this (sort of imagining the look, too, and kind of liking it... :D :D)
 

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Leslie said:
Yes, find out if they like to be waxed smooth all over. I am still pondering this (sort of imagining the look, too, and kind of liking it... :D :D)
I started surfing the net for something... This is about their legs, not their 'privates', but I still thought it was funny.

Responding to why men shave:
Showing off rippling thighs doesn't hurt, either. Nor does the feeling of fresh bed sheets on clean calves, admitted one male shaver. And after a day of cycling, a self-massage on smooth thighs is irresistible, according to Steve Madden of Bicycling magazine.

self-massage? So that's what it's called now?
 

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kim said:
self-massage? So that's what it's called now?
I guess. And getting waxed in the you-know-where area is not a Brazilian if you are cyclist, too.

Where's Lance Armstrong when we need him? LOL
 

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Leslie said:
Yes, find out if they like to be waxed smooth all over. I am still pondering this (sort of imagining the look, too, and kind of liking it... :D :D)
Kind of?
 
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