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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Clem is a dog with a secret: he is an alien from outer space. Every morning, he digs out of his yard to go do his space alien mining duty, which is the reason the aliens are on planet Earth. So far, Clem's humans have just filled in the holes, so he should be fine, right?

But, no humans can know that dogs are aliens. If they found out because of something  Clem did, then the next time he died, he would never be reborn. Alien dogs can't wait for their humans to leave the house so that they can do their undercover duty.

No dogs or humans are harmed in the story, and there is a happy ending, although there are sad parts and scary parts. This is a chapter book of 183 pages in paperback (40,404 words). The reading level is 4th grade with some higher level vocabulary words. The story intends to amuse dog lovers of all ages, but to also encourage them to adopt from the animal shelter.

-----------older versions----------

Clem is a dog with a secret: he is an alien from outer space. Every morning he digs out of his yard to join his fellow Kaxians. So far, his humans have just filled in the holes, so he should be fine, right? But Clem must keep his secret. No humans can know that dogs are aliens. This gets difficult when Clem's latent psi abilities start to appear!

Dog aliens can't wait until their humans leave them home alone. That's the only time they can do their covert intergalactic trading duties. The little dogs are aliens, too, but they are from a rival planet called Nique, and anyway, who cares about them?

There is a happy ending, and no dogs or humans are harmed in the story, although there are scary parts and sad parts. The dog tells the story!


-----older versions ------------------------------------

Clem is a pet dog with a secret: he is an alien from outer space. Every morning, he digs out of his yard to join his fellow Kaxians at the day's mining hole. So far, his humans have just filled in the holes, so he should be fine, right? He must do his Kaxian duty, but no humans can know that dogs are aliens. Older dog aliens can't wait until their humans leave them home alone, so that they can do their covert intergalactic trading duties. The little dogs are aliens, too, but they are from a rival planet called Nique, and anyway, who cares about them?

There is a happy ending, and no dogs or humans are harmed in the story, although there are scary parts and sad parts. The dog narrates the story!
 

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Sounds like so much fun!

One thing that really jumps out at me is that "pet" in the first sentence. Not sure if you need it, and it's sounds so much better as "Clem is a dog with a secret". And then it sort of loses its momentum after "should be fine, right?" I think you are referring to the story but I'm not getting it. Also, while some things are cool and funny -- like the thing about the little dogs -- you may find it just does not fit into the blurb :-\ Oh and maybe "tells" instead of "narrates"?

Maybe something like this:

Clem is a dog with a secret: he is an alien from outer space. Every morning he digs out of his yard to join his fellow Kaxians. So far, his humans have just filled in the holes, so he should be fine, right? But Clem must keep his secret. No humans may know that dogs are aliens. [ insert something that refers to the story and explains why Clem may have trouble keeping this secret]

There is a happy ending, and no dogs or humans are harmed in the story, although there are scary parts and sad parts. The dog tells the story!
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thanks, Masha!

The bit about dogs wanting to be left home alone is my hook, I think, so I kept it, but I changed and added the elements you suggested.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thanks a bunch, Masha!

Anyone else? My last free run starts Thursday, and then I am out of Select. Gotta make the best of it!
 

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Clem is a dog with a secret: he is an alien from outer space.
For me, your hook is your 1st sentence. It caught my attention 100%. I have a kid that hates to read and would think that was so funny. It actually makes me very interested in your story.

Every morning he digs out of his yard to join his fellow Kaxians. So far, his humans have just filled in the holes, so he should be fine, right? But Clem must keep his secret. No humans can know that dogs are aliens. This gets difficult when Clem's latent psi abilities start to appear!
I don't really get this part, so this is where you'd lose me. I understand the part in bold, but not the rest. The dog has to do something and humans can't find out. What happens if they do find out? What are the stakes?

Dog aliens can't wait until their humans leave them home alone. That's the only time they can do their covert intergalactic trading duties. The little dogs are aliens, too, but they are from a rival planet called Nique, and anyway, who cares about them?
Is there a way you can condense this? Maybe say something like, Alien dogs can't wait for the humans to leave so that they can do their undercover duty. I don't really understand the last line here.

There is a happy ending, and no dogs or humans are harmed in the story, although there are scary parts and sad parts. The dog tells the story!
This is funny/ cute. I'd move the No dogs or humans are harmed in the story to lead since it has more punch.

You might want to put an age recommendation on it, if it doesn't have one. I'm really wondering about that. I'd buy it in a second if I knew the reading level was what I needed for my kid.

For blurbs, I've been doing them the same way I did querys - lead with a hook (something that grabs the readers attention. It took me forever to figure out that's what the hook was. Ah-dher. Maybe you all are smarter than me, but I thought I'd post it in case there was someone else struggling with that like I was). State the conflict. State the stakes. Ending with something that reflects the tone of your book (funny, cute, dark, intense, etc.) I'm not sure what the conflict is (I kinda get it, but you want the reader to KNOW without a doubt) and I don't know what the stakes are at all.

I hope I don't sound mean or assy. I had a lot of trouble with my 1st blurb. It has some words in it, like yours that don't convey meaning unless you've read the book. It's difficult to know whether or not to include them and how to do that and still make the blurb pack a punch. I hate writing the blurbs and save them for last. I swear, they're harder to write than the book.

Good luck with your free run!
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Holly, thanks so much! I just now found your input. How's this?
----------------

Clem is a dog with a secret: he is an alien from outer space. Every morning, he digs out of his yard to go do his space alien mining duty, which is the reason the aliens are on planet Earth. So far, Clem's humans have just filled in the holes, so he should be fine, right?

But, no humans can know that dogs are aliens. If they found out because of something  Clem did, then the next time he died, he would never be reborn. Alien dogs can't wait for the humans to leave the house so that they can do their undercover duty.

No dogs or humans are harmed in the story, and there is a happy ending, although there are sad parts and scary parts. This is a chapter book of 183 pages in paperback (40,404 words). The reading level is 4th grade with some higher level vocabulary words. The story intends to amuse dog lovers of all ages, but to also encourage them to adopt from the animal shelter.
 
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