[Hans Cummings]

Since I'm sending my novel, Wings of Twilight, off to professional editing this weekend (it's already been through a proofread & edit by my wife), I thought it would be a good time to work on a cover blurb. Unfortunately, I feel my skills at adequately summarizing my story without giving away any spoilers is sorely lacking.

I've written two versions so far:
Blurb 1
Calliome, a world broken by magic, reforged by heroes. Five heroes seek their destinies in the Twilight Dungeon, a scar of evil upon the world. Meanwhile, the Twilight Defenders repel invaders from their home. The two groups are destined to meet, and they will learn few things are as they seem.

Blurb 2
Since the healing of the world, the Twilight Dungeon has attracted treasure seekers and glory hounds to its depths. None have ever returned.
Lord Strom Lightbringer and his companions now seek the dungeon, convinced they can cleanse the world of the evil taint within. Only the Twilight Defenders stand in their way, themselves convinced they must repel the surface invaders from the only home they have.

Both sound weak and a little lame to me. I guess it's a good thing I don't have a full-time job in marketing.

 

[Debbie Bennett]

If people are off into a "dungeon" to seek their destiny or find treasure, I immediately think of Dungeons & Dragons and variants thereof. And all the spin-off novels that were around in the 1980s. Is this your intention? If so then it works. I'd be expecting all the tropes of D&D - wizards, clerics etc.

Blurb 1 appeals to me most in the style, but blurb 2 tells me more. What is the Twilight Dungeon? Why is there treasure in it? Why is it evil? If Lord Strom is seeking it, is it hidden? Blurb 2 - "none" is singular, not plural.

Tell me about your mc. Who is he/she? (Lord Strom?) Why does he want to find the dungeon? What's in it for him? What are the stakes?

 

[JodyWallace]

That may work for a short blurb (#2 seems more specific and interesting to me) but you may want to lengthen it so it's more equivalent to similar books selling in your genre.

 

[craigr1971]

Don't over stress this one. It is a common theme here on WC. Search back and you will find many discussions.

Calliome,is a world broken by magic, and must be reforged by heroes. Five such champions heroes seek challenge their destinies in the Twilight Dungeon, a .This [color=red][/color]scar of evil upon the world something-or-anothers Meanwhile, The the Twilight Defenders are born to repel invaders from their home. The These two disparate groups are destined to meet clash, and Both they will learn that few things not the vague word things use descriptor are as they seem.

Blurb 2
Since the healing of the world, the Twilight Dungeon has attracted treasure seekers and those who aspire to glory hounds to its depths. None have ever returned. ? None ever will?
Lord Strom Lightbringer The Lord of a strange and power savie world and his companions minions now seek to challenge the Dungeon's curse the dungeon, Their arrogance allows them convinced they can cleanse the world ?which dirty world? of the evil taint ?what? from within. Only the Twilight Defenders can stop them - they have stopped all who have foolishly dared them before stand in their way, themselves convinced They believe with their lives they must repel the surface invaders from the only home they have. ? But have even the TD been deceived into allegiance?

Just some ideas. I advise people to write the blurb the way you would explain to your mother what you book is about. Best of luck. PS: pro editing - great move!

 

[Hans Cummings]

A bit of thread necromancy here, but I thought I'd post the most recent version of my cover blurb for critique:

    For centuries, Twilight Dungeon has attracted treasure seekers and glory hounds to its depths. No one has ever returned.
    Lord Strom Lightbringer, a crusader dedicated to stamping out wickedness, and his companions now seek the dungeon, convinced it is a den of evil. They believe can cleanse the world of the taint within and claim the fabled treasure for themselves. Only the Twilight Defenders, the monstrous guardians of the dungeon, stand in their way, themselves convinced they must repel the surface invaders from the only home they have.

Alternately:
    For centuries, Twilight Dungeon has attracted treasure seekers and glory hounds to its depths. No one has ever returned.
    Lord Strom Lightbringer, a crusader dedicated to stamping out wickedness, and his companions now seek the dungeon, convinced it is a den of evil. They believe can cleanse the world of the taint within and claim the fabled treasure for themselves. Only the Sarvesh, leader of the monstrous guardians of the dungeon, stands in their way, convinced he must repel the surface invaders from the only home he has.