Help with blurb for middle grade fantasy adventure

375 Views 4 Replies 3 Participants Last post by mattbrough, May 19, 2015

mattbrough

Discussion Starter · May 19, 2015

I'm nearing the end of the editing for my first ever novel, and could really use some help with my blurb. Any suggestions are welcome. Too short? Not enough detail? etc.

The title is: Del Ryder and the Crystal Seed
Book one in the Del Ryder series

Here's the blurb:

While playing one day with her three best friends, eleven year old Del Ryder finds a magic portal that whisks the four of them away to the strange world of Azdia, where rivers and plants glow with light, trees come to life and dinosaur-like creatures roam the forests. With no clear way to return home, the four friends must find help, but everyone in Azdia believes they are the promised ones sent to drive out a deepening darkness that’s falling over their land.
With only a cryptic riddle and a shape-shifting creature to guide them, Del and her friends embark on a dangerous adventure, hoping that it will lead them home.

Save

1 - 5 of 5 Posts

geronl

· #2 · May 19, 2015

As long as there is no talking lion, you should do okay.

I think the blurb starts off too slow. I do the same thing.

11-year old Del Ryder and her friends are transported to a strange world where rivers and plants glow, trees come to life and dinosaur-like creatures wander the forests. With no way home the four friends must find help, while being hailed as the promised one to save their land from the encroaching darkness. With a riddle as the clue and a shape-shifting creature to guide them they embark on a quest for adventure and the hope that it leads to home.

I got goosebumps, seriously.

Save

ShaunSwanson

· #3 · May 19, 2015

It took me a long time to do my own middle grade fantasy blurb. You can see it at swansonfiction.com. Here are my thoughts. First, it is too short. You have plenty of space in your description on amazon, so use it.

Next, start with the interesting part--describe the darkness creeping over the land. Set up some tension that needs to be resolved. Maybe try writing the blurb from the magic land's point of view? What is this darkness, why is it so bad? Here is a start.

For ages, mystic Azdia has suffered under a spreading darkness. Soon, no more plants will grow with light. Soon, trees will no longer spring to life. Even the mighty (name the creatures, don’t just say they’re dinosaur like) will cease to roam the forests. (keep on describing the threat) The only hope for the creatures of Azdia are four lost younglings from a world called Earth led by a (describe Del) girl named Del Ryder. But Del and her friends won't accept their destiny as the chosen ones.

Good luck. Keep posting revisions for feedback.

See less See more

Save

mattbrough

Discussion Starter · #4 · May 19, 2015

Thanks for the feedback and encouragement. Everyone said blurbs were difficult to write. Understatement.

Save

mattbrough

Discussion Starter · #5 · May 19, 2015

Here's a rework, with special thank to ShaunSwanson. Love your blurb for your book, btw. I'll have to grab it and give it a read. Sound like a fun story.

Any feedback on this version of the blurb...

After an age of peace and light, mystic Azdia now suffers under a spreading darkness. Soon, no more plants will grow with light. Soon, trees will no longer spring to life. Even the mighty feldroes will cease to roam the forests. Many of the lumens, shape-shifting caretakers of Azdia, have lost their inner light, and others have abandoned their faith in their provider and protector, the mysterious Mr. Thicket. The only hope for the creatures of Azdia are the awaited Malak, chosen ones sent to them from another world called Earth.

When Del Ryder, an eleven year old girl with something to prove and looking for her place to belong, finds a portal into Azdia, she and her friends go through. They meet Crimson, a lumen full of hope, who believes Del and her friends are the promised Malak and will do anything to help them survive in his strange and sometimes hostile world. Despite Crimson’s belief in them, the children refuse to accept their destiny as the chosen ones, and the lumens must decide whether to help them get home to Earth or not.

Held hostage by living trees, battered by storms, trapped in a stampede of feldroes, and attacked by giant flesh eating bats, Del and her friends seem helpless and doomed to be stuck forever in the darkness of Azdia. Will they find a way out? Will the mysterious Mr. Thicket arrive and save them all? Will Del find her place to belong?

See less See more

Save

1 - 5 of 5 Posts

This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.

Top Contributors this Month