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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I can write a novel (or maybe I can't...lol, I'm about to find out...), but I suck at writing blurbs.  This is what I came up with so far, but it really needs help.  I'd greatly appreciate any advice.  I'm more than happy to return the favor, ie: commenting on your cover, stopping to comment on your thread, whatever!

Thank you...

Poison Heart

She killed her true love, stabbing him through his heart with the cold steel of betrayal.  She renounced her vowed duty to guard the kingdom against evil, and allowed the vampires to claim it from the dead hand of her beloved king.  She enslaved herself to a sadistic monster, willing submitting to every depraved humiliation his perverted mind could conjure up.  Her name is Imogen and she cares for nothing or no one, simply waiting for her heart to expire under the oppressing weight of sins, she will never forgive herself for.

But Imogen soon learns, death is too kind of a fate for the truly despicable.  She is forced to witness one act of cruelty, too many, and before she can restrain her hand, she picks back up the sword of duty, and vows to vanquish the vampires from the kingdom.
 

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Hi, Emma,
just my opinion, but I'd go with more of a structured blurb that tells the reader more about the story. A lead character in a situation; next, major turning point (doorway to change); followed last by what the character must do to overcome the problem (could be the antagonist) and if not, what the consequences will be.

So (and just a shot in the dark; I don't know enough about your novel or the plot or characters to do a blurb justice):

When duty forces her to kill her own lover, heartbroken Imogen turns away from her sacred responsibility to guard the kingdom, permitting a ruthless army of vampires to slaughter her king and subjugate her people.

Devastated, she enslaves herself to a sadistic monster, suffering every perverted humiliation imaginable in a misguided attempt to atone for her failure. But when her people's suffering becomes too cruel, she knows she must forego her personal pennance and act. Once again she picks up the sword of duty. Once more she sets out to protect her kingdom. But is she still strong enough for what must come next?

Now Imogen must vanquish the vampires or die in the attempt. Once more she will protect the innocent. And this time, there will be hell to pay for the undead conquerors.


Obviously it needs a lot more work, and more details (i.e. a villian's name), but it might be a different way to go, if a bit traditional and boring. Good luck with your novel; it sounds like a lot of fun.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
William Stacey said:
Hi, Emma,
just my opinion, but I'd go with more of a structured blurb that tells the reader more about the story. A lead character in a situation; next, major turning point (doorway to change); followed last by what the character must do to overcome the problem (could be the antagonist) and if not, what the consequences will be.

So (and just a shot in the dark; I don't know enough about your novel or the plot or characters to do a blurb justice):

When duty forces her to kill her own lover, heartbroken Imogen turns away from her sacred responsibility to guard the kingdom, permitting a ruthless army of vampires to slaughter her king and subjugate her people.

Devastated, she enslaves herself to a sadistic monster, suffering every perverted humiliation imaginable in a misguided attempt to atone for her failure. But when her people's suffering becomes too cruel, she knows she must forego her personal pennance and act. Once again she picks up the sword of duty. Once more she sets out to protect her kingdom. But is she still strong enough for what must come next?

Now Imogen must vanquish the vampires or die in the attempt. Once more she will protect the innocent. And this time, there will be hell to pay for the undead conquerors.

Obviously it needs a lot more work, and more details (i.e. a villian's name), but it might be a different way to go, if a bit traditional and boring. Good luck with your novel; it sounds like a lot of fun.
Big Thanks, William!

I'm looking over your structure and see how I can apply it...here.
 

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I'm intrigued, but I'm not a typical person.

I think she comes off as very unsympathetic. I like unsympathetic characters, but most people don't. So if there's anyway you can show us why we should root for her, that would probably be a good idea.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
valeriec80 said:
I'm intrigued, but I'm not a typical person.

I think she comes off as very unsympathetic. I like unsympathetic characters, but most people don't. So if there's anyway you can show us why we should root for her, that would probably be a good idea.
This is what makes it so hard to write...sigh.
I'm hoping I pulled this, the delicate balance of a character you're half repelled by but still drawn to, because she has a beautiful voice. As the story progresses, you realize she's been a pawn in the vampires game. For the first third of the novel, the suspense is in finding out what she did and why she blames herself for it. Hopefully the reader does think she is partially responcible and begins to see how this has damaged her mentally. Because the rest of the book is more about whether she's going to be able recover from it and see the 'quest' through. In the end she does, but you get the sense, this left a permanent scar, she is never going to heal completely from. She doesn't become a reluctant hero, or villain, more of a 'grudgling resolved to my fate until the gods decide I have done enough' warrior.
 
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