"Inspirational purposes"
? What does that even mean?
? What does that even mean?
I’ve got my own blurb that needs to be looked at
It's a short blurb for a short story (m/m erotica at 6,300+ words).
Husbands Have Secrets
Bryce will always be Oliver's best friend. They have the same profession, the same hobbies, and the same quantity for mutual respect. Oliver will always support him. So much so that he will even support a major shift in their relationship for inspirational purposes. It is inevitable. They are about to embark on the most infamous secret they will ever keep from their families.
Not intended for readers under the age of 18.
Be as brutal as you can, because I might need it.
Husbands Have Secrets
Bryce will always be Oliver's best friend. They have the same profession, the same hobbies, and the same quantity for mutual respect. Oliver will always support him. So much so that he will even support a major shift in their relationship for inspirational purposes. It is inevitable. They are about to embark on the most infamous secret they will ever keep from their families.
Not intended for readers under the age of 18.
Be as brutal as you can, because I might need it.
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I guess I should mention that the two characters are full-time novelists.
Oh m/m erotica. I would not read it with that blurb. Punch it up. It reads too uhm clean.
Go take a look at Beast's blurbs. That is the author. Inked: Tatted up freaks is one of his books.
With the caveat that I've never read any m/m erotica, I'd say the blurb's too vague. It sounds like they're going to experiment with a sexual relationship in the name of research for a novel, is that right? If so, I'd try something more like:
"Bryce will always be Oliver's best friend. They share a passion for writing and a deep mutual respect. Now Bryce wants to take their relationship to a new level, in the name of research for his latest novel. Oliver has never said no to Bryce, and he's not starting now. They are about to discover a new passion--for each other--and this one will be a lot harder to keep secret from their families."
Hope that helps!
"Bryce will always be Oliver's best friend. They share a passion for writing and a deep mutual respect. Now Bryce wants to take their relationship to a new level, in the name of research for his latest novel. Oliver has never said no to Bryce, and he's not starting now. They are about to discover a new passion--for each other--and this one will be a lot harder to keep secret from their families."
Hope that helps!
Will this work?Marina Finlayson said:With the caveat that I've never read any m/m erotica, I'd say the blurb's too vague. It sounds like they're going to experiment with a sexual relationship in the name of research for a novel, is that right? If so, I'd try something more like:
"Bryce will always be Oliver's best friend. They share a passion for writing and a deep mutual respect. Now Bryce wants to take their relationship to a new level, in the name of research for his latest novel. Oliver has never said no to Bryce, and he's not starting now. They are about to discover a new passion--for each other--and this one will be a lot harder to keep secret from their families."
Hope that helps!
Bryce will always be Oliver's best friend. They have the same passion for writing and the same quantity for mutual respect. Now Bryce, who is working on his latest novel, wants to take their relationship to an entirely new level for the sake of inspiration. Oliver never said no to Bryce, and he's not starting now. They are about to discover a more passionate connection for each other. This one will be much harder to keep as a secret from their families.
Not intended for readers under the age of 18.
What is it with you and that word? Inspiration is not working for me.
Actually seeing that word in a blurb would make me run the other direction.
Actually seeing that word in a blurb would make me run the other direction.
Something about that phrase is off-putting to me. Is "quantity for" proper, or "quantity of?" Not really sure, but it sounds bulky nonetheless IMHO.TheCasualCalifornian said:Will this work?
the same quantity for mutual respect.
Keeping it as simple as "they both have an equal amount of respect and loyalty for each other" reads better.
Also, once again not an erotica reader for the most part, but I would thing you need to heat up the blurb some for it to be compelling.
Who is the MC in this-- Bryce or Oliver? What does he (they) want? With erotica (and romance) you need to hint at the desire, to make the reader feel it. This blurb is cold. I want to feel how much Bryce wants this, that his body hums whenever he even thinks about Oliver, that he's been dreaming about this forever. Your blurb should make me go oh dayyyym.
Caveat from me too, as I'm not an erotica reader, but here goes:TheCasualCalifornian said:Will this work?
Bryce will always be Oliver's best friend. They have the same passion for writing and the same quantity for mutual respect. Now Bryce, who is working on his latest novel, wants to take their relationship to an entirely new level for the sake of inspiration. Oliver never said no to Bryce, and he's not starting now. They are about to discover a more passionate connection for each other. This one will be much harder to keep as a secret from their families.
Not intended for readers under the age of 18.
Your title is "Husbands Have Secrets." So these two men are in a gay marriage? Then why are you emphasizing the "best friend" angle? They love each other, they feel passion for each other, and they are married.
It sounds selfish of Bryce to want to change something about a stable relationship with Oliver just because he wants to write a new book. What kind of writer is Bryce? Something like a method actor? He has to actually do something instead of imagining it?
Oliver sounds a bit weak, if he has "never said no," and is willing to go along with this change because of the book. I'm wondering about the power dynamic in the relationship. Bryce makes demands, Oliver always complies. It might be a more interesting plot if Oliver said no and Bryce had to think of some good, exciting way to persuade him.
The blurb sounds flat. I'm not seeing what the stakes are here. So they do something kinky together and have to keep it a secret from their families. What repercussions would there be if the families found out? As long as Bryce and Oliver aren't doing anything illegal, all I can think of is that they'd just be embarrassed. You wrote, "This one will be much harder to keep as a secret from their families." The word "harder" implies that they are already keeping some secrets.
Again, I'm not an erotica reader, but even for a non-erotica story the blurb is not arousing my interest. (Sorry, bad pun.) I don't see any conflict between the characters, any danger, anything at stake.
Here's some info on the story. Both characters are married to women. Oliver is a fantasy writer, while Bryce specializes in crime fiction (detective thriller, political thriller, etc.). Bryce is working on a gay romantic novel in secret, and he visualizes his best friend as one of his fictional male characters because of sexual attraction. Oliver doesn't know it yet, but the truth is revealed when he sees a few paragraphs of Bryce's rough draft.
I have to admit, writing a blurb is hard. This is one of those times that I wish a traditional publisher would do the work for me.
I have to admit, writing a blurb is hard. This is one of those times that I wish a traditional publisher would do the work for me.
This would make a good blurb.TheCasualCalifornian said:Here's some info on the story. Both characters are married to women. Oliver is a fantasy writer, while Bryce specializes in crime fiction (detective thriller, political thriller, etc.). Bryce is working on a gay romantic novel in secret, and he visualizes his best friend as one of his fictional male characters because of sexual attraction. Oliver doesn't know it yet, but the truth is revealed when he sees a few paragraphs of Bryce's rough draft.
I have to admit, writing a blurb is hard. This is one of those times that I wish a traditional publisher would do the work for me.
Thanks for the clarification. From the "Husbands" in the title, I assumed it was a gay married couple. Also because you made a point that Oliver never says no to Bryce. I took that to mean Oliver never said no to Bryce's requests for sex, since this is an erotica story.TheCasualCalifornian said:Here's some info on the story. Both characters are married to women. Oliver is a fantasy writer, while Bryce specializes in crime fiction (detective thriller, political thriller, etc.). Bryce is working on a gay romantic novel in secret, and he visualizes his best friend as one of his fictional male characters because of sexual attraction. Oliver doesn't know it yet, but the truth is revealed when he sees a few paragraphs of Bryce's rough draft.
I have to admit, writing a blurb is hard. This is one of those times that I wish a traditional publisher would do the work for me.
I agree with Cin -- your explanation sounds like a good blurb.
I've made some revisions.
Bryce will always be Oliver's best friend. As two successful novelists, the two straight men share the same hobbies, the same charisma, and the same success with marriage and children. Their mutual respect remains unbreakable. But when Bryce is working on a gay erotic novel in secret, he shows Oliver the first few paragraphs of his rough draft. And Oliver discovers that one of the characters in the story is described with physical features that are similar to his.
Bryce wants to take their relationship to an entirely new level for the sake of his new masterpiece. Oliver never said no to Bryce, and he's not starting now. Their next encounter will ultimately represent an intimate escapade, something that they will have to keep as a secret from their wives.
Not intended for readers under the age of 18.
Bryce will always be Oliver's best friend. As two successful novelists, the two straight men share the same hobbies, the same charisma, and the same success with marriage and children. Their mutual respect remains unbreakable. But when Bryce is working on a gay erotic novel in secret, he shows Oliver the first few paragraphs of his rough draft. And Oliver discovers that one of the characters in the story is described with physical features that are similar to his.
Bryce wants to take their relationship to an entirely new level for the sake of his new masterpiece. Oliver never said no to Bryce, and he's not starting now. Their next encounter will ultimately represent an intimate escapade, something that they will have to keep as a secret from their wives.
Not intended for readers under the age of 18.
Much better. But I'm still wondering why you say "Oliver never said no to Bryce, and he's not starting now." That still makes it sound like they were already in a gay relationship. Maybe say something like "Oliver is so intrigued that he agrees."TheCasualCalifornian said:I've made some revisions.
Bryce will always be Oliver's best friend. As two successful novelists, the two straight men share the same hobbies, the same charisma, and the same success with marriage and children. Their mutual respect remains unbreakable. But when Bryce is working on a gay erotic novel in secret, he shows Oliver the first few paragraphs of his rough draft. And Oliver discovers that one of the characters in the story is described with physical features that are similar to his.
Bryce wants to take their relationship to an entirely new level for the sake of his new masterpiece. Oliver never said no to Bryce, and he's not starting now. Their next encounter will ultimately represent an intimate escapade, something that they will have to keep as a secret from their wives.
Not intended for readers under the age of 18.
Also I'd delete one "new" in the sentence "Bryce wants to take their relationship to an entirely new level for the sake of his new masterpiece." Maybe something like "... for the sake of the book."
My short story has been published, but I haven't had the chance to thank everyone who helped me with this blurb. It's much appreciated. Thank you!
1 - 18 of 18 Posts
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