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This is definitely better than your last try but I'm curious: is this meant to be a parody (that's the impression I got from the title) or something that seriously falls within the YA vampire category? A parody of the original source material, not trying to go within the norms of the genre you're lampooning, would probably work better for a book like this. If, however, you're going for true vampire paranormal, it's there but the heroine is a bit, hm, spacey.
 
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