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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I heard a debate on the radio yesterday, and I’m curious to know what people’s opinions are. Apparently some women are upset that men hold elevator doors open for them, saying it’s sexist. I think it’s just common courtesy. And, while I know this goes against my strongly-held feminist principles (I am a child of the 60's, after all), I have no problem with customs of etiquette, such as men holding a door for a lady or letting the lady go first.

Having said that, I hold doors for anyone behind me – men or women. I certainly don’t get offended when someone does something nice for me.

What do you think?
Ladies – Do you appreciate it when a man holds a door for you? Does it offend you?
Men – What are your thoughts on the matter?
 

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I appreciate when anyone holds a door for me.  And like you, I hold the door for anyone behind me.  I think it's silly when women get worked up about chivalry.  I'm not one to turn down a kindness, regardless of the reason.

I do find it interesting, though, that men are much more inclined to hold doors for me when I'm wearing a dress.  I don't know if it's a coincidence, or if I'm carrying myself diferently, or if I just notice it more when I'm dressed up, but it's true every time.

ETA:  For reference, I'm 28.
 

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I've been known to hold doors for both men and women, so to me it's a non-issue. If a woman is for some reason offended that I'm holding a door for her, she is making an incorrect assumption: that I'm doing it only because she is of the female persuasion.

As far as chivalry goes, well, I do not have a squire, nor the required number of men-at-arms, nor a liege lord, nor have I taken any applicable religious oaths; so I guess in my case, chivalry is, in fact, dead. ;) ;D
 

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My husband holds doors open for me all the time. He also will hold doors open for anyone coming in behind me, male or female. He is just a considerate type of person and I love him all the more for it!

I will also hold door open for others. I have noticed that some are not appreciative and will walk by without as much as a glance, much less a thank you,  as if I owe them that courtesy.

It's a tragic thing when commen courtesy is viewed as a rude or insulting gesture.
 

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Men being courteous isn't sexist. It's just common decency. How many times have you heard someone say, "that guy didn't even offer to help!" You open doors, you reach the top of the shelf, you offer your seat, to help carry boxes... we do these things because if our mamas were watching, they'd want us to. Usually I just offer to help, and a woman can always refuse, and I won't be offended. Everyone has the right to say no. Sometimes, though, men only offer to help just to initiate flirtatious contact. I can see how women could find that annoying. It's unwanted attention and potential harassment. Has that ever happened to you?
 

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I hold doors open for anyone behind me, but always thank whoever opens it for me (man or woman or kid)!  I will make a lot of feminists mad by saying that in a very elegant restaurant I still think it's romantic for the man to ask me what I'd like to have and then order it for me.  My father used to do it for me, and it's a nice memory.
 

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In our society when anyone holds a door open it is a miracle. Sometimes I come outta a store bags and I mean bags and what you know someone will let the door slam in my face and here I thought they were going to be courteous. :) I try as often as possible to be polite speak and hold the door no matter who it is. What really warms my heart is when a little boy (a little gentleman) will hold the door for me and his mom didn't even ask him to and the grown men will just look. ;D Sometimes I too just expect it because my husband opens all my doors and holds my hand getting out of a car truck and the people just look at us like we are from outter space, as if. So if chivalry is dead I sure hope it gets resurrected because I am in no way offended and oh I love, love, sliding doors. :) :)
 

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I think courtesy in any form is great.  I'll help a man, woman or child if my help is needed and appreciate anyone's help when I need it.
 

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I like the principles of chivalry - I just don't think it need be restricted to men being the big, proud knights who treat women like dainty flowers. I don't think there's too much chivalry, or that it's outdated, but that it should be universalized (meaning, there should be more of it, not less). Young to old, older to the young, the healthy to the sick, the well off to the poor, everyone to whoever is struggling to carry something or in need of assistance.

Handsome manners are not a gender issue, in my mind. Males don't have exclusive rights/obligations to noble behaviour, in my opinion.

As for me, I don't need men to open doors for me, etc, but I'm not offended if they do. Some people are just nice, and I don't find it sexist that they want to be helpful. Just as I have no qualms about holding a door for a man if I get there first.

ETA: Also, in my mind, chivalry doesn't immediately bring to mind knights like it should - I always think of mounties in red serge! Man, Canadian propaganda has worked well on me. :)
 

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4Katie said:
I heard a debate on the radio yesterday, and I'm curious to know what people's opinions are. Apparently some women are upset that men hold elevator doors open for them, saying it's sexist. I think it's just common courtesy. And, while I know this goes against my strongly-held feminist principles (I am a child of the 60's, after all), I have no problem with customs of etiquette, such as men holding a door for a lady or letting the lady go first.

Having said that, I hold doors for anyone behind me - men or women. I certainly don't get offended when someone does something nice for me.

What do you think?
Ladies - Do you appreciate it when a man holds a door for you? Does it offend you?
Men - What are your thoughts on the matter?
Twenty years ago men holding doors open for women, or allowing them to precede them in lines might have drawn some feminist ire. Not today. NOW and her sisters are margnalized on small matters. They're concentrating on getting women through the glass ceiling. Each woman has to deal with that herself. NOW is irrelveant.
 

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I'll hold the door for anyone. Women and Men. It's just part of my nature. I find it odd when women complain about it and saying it's sexist. I just think it's over dramatic in a way you know?

If a woman doesn't want me to pull her chair out, open the door etc, than fine, just tell me.
 
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My girlfriend was telling me she was moving a large suitcase up some stairs one time recently and there was a guy who passed by and said something to the effect of: "What kind of person would I be if I let a woman struggle with such a big bag?"

She declined but he was adamant about helping, and the more adamant he was, the more decided she was that she would do it herself. As she said to me, she probably would've let him help her if he didn't feel the need to make her sound like a helpless woman.

Edited in case below was directed at me: the guy was overtly making it clear that's why he was making the offer.
 

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I think that a woman that assumes that the reason a person is acting with manners and courtesy is that she is a female, thinks very little of herself.

I have more to offer the world than being female - therefore I assume that the fact that I am female is not the reason those around me make the choices they make.

I hate it when women (or anyone else) makes a weapon out of an attribute.  When my son was younger girls would kick or hit him and then say 'you can't hit me, I'm a girl'.

He'd laugh and say 'Sorry, I was raised by a strong independent woman that believes if you are willing to throw a punch, you'd better be willing to take one.  Next time, I might follow her counsel.'

Can't have it both ways.  =)

Sheila
 

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I love anybody who holds a door open for me. Sometimes other women do it when they see I've got my hands full of kids but more often it's older men. Either way, I don't see anything offensive about it and wish more people would be so courteous.
 

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I love that my 3yo is eager to open doors for me all the time. It takes him about 5x longer than if I just did it for both of us, but it's cute that his heart is in the right place. :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
This discussion has led to others at work. A friend told me of a time he was in an elevator when someone sneezed. He automatically said, "God bless you." When the sneezer got off, another person chastised him for saying something that could have been offensive.

You know, you and I might not believe in the same God, but if you care enough about me to want your God to look out for me, the only thing I'm going to say is, "Thank you!"
 

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I hold doors open for others and appreciate it when someone holds a door open for me, and I always say Thank you. I think those little nicities make for a more pleasant world.
 

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I once, without thinking about consequences, held open a door for a woman on the Minneapolis Skyway and was loudly lambasted for doing such a horrible thing.  I was most rudely told what she thought of such an foul gesture; did I think she was an invalid, someone who didn't know how to open a door, or some old enfeebled senior citizen (which she wasn't).  All this time I was holding the door open like a klutz.  I should have let it fly into her cavernous mouth.  ;)  (30 years ago).
 
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