[Philip Chen]

Not that time of the month; it's that time of the month!

I've noticed a lot of newbies hanging around, so we must give proper warning. It is Valium time once more; the advent of the BBoS as eventide flows onto our dusky shores.

The Month is Over:

The month is over
It's time to call it a day
They've burst your pretty balloon
And taken the sales away
It's time to wind up, the numbers again
Just make your mind up that downloads were made

The month is over
The Kindles flicker and dim
You danced and dreamed through the month
It seemed to be right, getting readers again
Now you must wake up, all sales must end
Take off your makeup, the month is over
It's all over, again

<instrumental 'the month is over'>
The month is over
<instrumental 'it's time to call it a day'>
It's time to call it a day
<instrumental 'they've burst your pretty balloon and taken the month away'>
Now you must wake up, all sales must end
Take off your makeup, the month is over
It's all over, again

It's all over, my friend


Sung to the tune of :

 

[Lisa Scott]

This newbie thanks you for the fair warning and hilarious song.    I'll start the deep breathing exercises now in preparation.

 

[Mel Comley]

you never fail to crack me up, Phil. 

 

[Pearson Moore]

What is BBoS?

 

[Teresa Morgan]

What is BBoS?

I was the one asking this last month!

The Brown Bar of Shame appears on your "Reports" page until you make a sale. We get these across the board at the start of the month because Amazon resets all the sales to zero.

 

[Pearson Moore]

Thanks for clarifying.  I guess I need to look at my reports more often.  I saw a brown bar on the Kindle Store DE when it first opened, but the next time I checked, it was gone and my book sales were there.  I thought it was a problem with the store just opening (I was wondering where my book sales were).  I never connected the brown bar with lack of sales.  Now I know!

 

[D.A. Boulter]

Phil, what are you saying? Are you saying that this is

Even the lyrics make sense:

This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end

Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
I'll never look into your eyes...again

Can you picture what will be
So limitless and free
Desperately in need...of some...stranger's hand
In a...desperate land

 

[Philip Chen]

Great song. 

 

[JRainey]

That comic gets me laughing every time. It's the look on his face. He's like, "Surely you can take a little BBoS! It's not contagious. I promise it'll be gone in a few days..." Unless she's German. Then he's doomed.

Also, I like the addition of The End to our BBoS agonizing this month, D.A.! We always have such great music to listen to while we battle the beige.

 

[DianeSontag]

I'd forgotten how smooth Nat King Cole's voice was.  This was a humorous and entertaining way to learn the meaning of the Brown Bar of Shame. 

 

[Philip Chen]

That comic gets me laughing every time. It's the look on his face. He's like, "Surely you can take a little BBoS! It's not contagious. I promise it'll be gone in a few days..." Unless she's German. Then he's doomed.

Also, I like the addition of The End to our BBoS agonizing this month, D.A.! We always have such great music to listen to while we battle the beige.

Dies ist wahr

 

[J R McLemore]

This newbie just learned what the BBoS is. Unfortunately, I am all too familiar with the BBoS. It seems to be a permanent fixture on my account page.

 

[Romi]

I'm disturbed that you know about "my cycle"...

 

[Philip Chen]

To all the newcomers, this is how it will all happen: you will get discouraged time and time again. In total disgust you turn off the monitor and get on with life, like play with your kids, smell the roses, kick a dog (did I say that? Sorry), and come back to your computer. With great foreboding, you turn on the monitor and before your very eyes ... The BBoS is still there. Disgusted you go over to CNN news and follow the latest tragedy as covered by Anderson Cooper and shed some tears for the unfortunate victims of cruel fate. Resigned to your own destiny you decide to check one more time before throwing your computer out the window and ... It's still there. So as you reach down to unplug your computer, you hear a bell telling you that your computer page just refreshed and you subconsciously glance at the screen and something is missing. There is no brown to be seen, just some Arabic numeral far too small to be easily read.

 

[BTackitt]

Phil could you repost your "Brown bar has broken song" too? Just so newbies know there IS a light at the end of the tunnel?

 

[Jon Olson]

Phil, Phil, why must you ruin our last few hours of a full month's worth of sales by bringing up what awaits? You have brought me down.

 

[Grace Elliot]

Oh I'm so glad its not just me!
Sales for May have been good (growing month on month) - although not spectacular...and tomorrow I have to start all over again! I feel like throwing a tantrum, I dont want to see BBoS..., perhaps I need rose tinted spectacles to turn it a prettier colour.
How come athletes running a marathon dont get told to go back to the start line, every hour?
Hmmph!

 

[Abigail]

The valium is out and sat in front of me with a tall glass of cold white wine waiting. I still suffer with the bbos for .de so I hope it doesn't push me over the edge. 

 

[Paul Hardy]

(sigh)

Just one week into this terrifying odyssey, and my hard-won sales (all eleven of them) are about to vanish as I find myself once more in the world of beige.

(cue Mick)

I see an old sale and I want it painted beige
No customers any more I want them to turn beige
I see Konrath blog by, bestsellers ranged in rows
I have to refresh now, until my beigeness goes

I see my old backlist and they're all painted beige
With reviews no-one reads, like letters in a cage
I see readers sample books and throw them in the trash
All I want is for them to buy and hand me all their cash

I look inside myself and see my heart is beige
I see my KDP and it's been painted beige
I see Hocking sailing by, her sales in steady flows
I have to refresh now, until my beigeness goes

(I bet someone's done this before, haven't they?)

 

[Philip Chen]

Phil could you repost your "Brown bar has broken song" too? Just so newbies know there IS a light at the end of the tunnel?

B wants all the newbies to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. this is what you can sing when sales start rolling in:

The Brown Bar Has Broken

Lyrics by Phil Chen

The brown bar has broken, like the first reading,
Shame has been muted, like the first sale,
Praise for the buying, Praise the first reading,
Praise for them liking, from the first word,

Sweet the words do fall, backlit by Kindle,
Like the first comma, on the new page,
Praise for the readers, Praise the new buyers,
Reading enjoyment, as the days pass,

Mine is the glory, Mine is no brown bar,
Born of the figment, that readers will pay,
Praise for the selling, Praise for no brown bar,
Now celebration, of the new pay,

The brown bar has broken, like the first reading,
Shame has been muted, like the first sale,
Praise for the buying, Praise the first reading,
Praise for them liking, from the first word,

Sung to the tune of:

Christopher Bunn has a sing along version. I will try to find that thread.