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Oh wow, that's fighting talk if ever I heard it.

Definitely use it for promotion, it's too funny to be ignored.
 

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And kudos for stirring such graphic description of self torture!  You have arrived.
 

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LOL! NO, author, no! Do not feed the you-know-whats!

ETA: I found the negative review repetitive and unimaginative.
 

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Lord have mercy, that guy hated the book--in a pretty darn eloquent, not to say self-abusive, way.  :D
 

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He should have stopped the review at "sinking ship". After that it was all drivel. Sounded like a creative writing class gone horribly wrong. I know he was trying to be witty and clever, but D*MN, I was ready to gouge out my eyes by the time I finished reading.

BTW, his review and others like it is why I NEVER read reviews less than four stars. Anything less than that and they become petty and insulting (I've found, anyway).
 

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ChristopherDavidPetersen said:
He should have stopped the review at "sinking ship". After that it was all drivel. Sounded like a creative writing class gone horribly wrong. I know he was trying to be witty and clever, but D*MN, I was ready to gouge out my eyes by the time I finished reading.

BTW, his review and others like it is why I NEVER read reviews less than four stars. Anything less than that and they become petty and insulting (I've found, anyway).
Yes! Sounds like a frustrated author who just got three rejection emails on his/her genius works.

I will read the reviews, at any star value, that are about two paragraphs long and have capital letters where appropriate. Anything written by an intelligent-sounding person gets at least a glance. I'll overlook a few typos, of course, but I do imagine the people writing the reviews as I read them.
 

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NatashaHolme said:
The most hilarious negative reviews I have read by a long shot:

The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold
The Book of Mormon
The review of the book of Mormon should go on a list of all-time great reviews.

As for the review in the OP, I love it. Some excellent lines there.

ETA: My favorite line?

Would that I could undo the damage to my literary sensibilities by whipping myself raw with a barbed scourge or throwing myself upon a sword, in a heartbeat I would mortify my flesh and scour my soul if only it would remove the stain that Black Dog has left on my very being.
 

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Did he challenge you to a swordfight (or did I insert my own narration into his monologue)? I stopped reading halfway through and transitioned to a Princess Bride scene.
 

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I'm afraid I'd have to give Stan's review only one star for being overwrought and purple. Who's he trying to impress, anyway?

What's the old cliche? The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. That being the case, at least you can't accuse him of being indifferent. In which case, at least you managed to move him.  :)
 
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