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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello, I am a new author, I will like your thoughts on this book blurb, will you buy this book if you are a reader.
The title of the book is

The mirror

Book blurb



The eyes see it all
The mirror reflects it


At age twelve Ivie saw death but not the soul reaper, for a girl who can see death she fear her past, Ivie fears the person she sees anytime she look at the mirror, she fears the power she willed.
She knew she can't hide anymore when she lost her best friend to the faceless creature whose very existence meant death. The faceless creature who hunts her dream.
" Who is this creature?"
" Why does it do what it does?" All these unanswered questions lead to the death of her parents.
What will she do when she discovered her parent's death was not an accident and she might because of their death.
 

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I'm terrible at my own blurbs, even though I know what they are meant to convey.

First of all welcome to kindleboards as a new author.

In this case, I would want to name the MC. Identify the conflict and what raises the stakes in ovecoming the antagonist who creates the conlfict, both externally and the fear within - all without giving the story away, such as her parents death.

In this case I'd have a stab at horror as the genre.

I would say the blurb as you have it is confusing and gives too much away.

Starting with the log line, it doesn't tell me anything. Whose eyes? What does it reflect? If you are to use a log line, it needs to draw the reader in right away to read on. In the suggested log line below, I've made it ambiguous as to whether the evil resides within her or in the mirror. Just remember that a blurb is one of perceptions to create interest in the reader's mind, and the story itself is one of discovery.

Maybe. Ivies' eyes see death - She lives in fear - Her mirror reflects the evil within

Ivie has a power that she would wish on no one. The faceless Soul Reaper haunts her dreams and every waking hour when she sees the demons' image in her mirror and death follows in her close circle.

When her best friend dies at his hands, he is getting closer to her. Tightening the noose of the fear of her own death at his evil hands. Ivie must face her fears and the Soul Reaper head on if she is not to meet the same fate, but he just won't let go.

In her quest to find why the demon stalks her, she discovers a truth. A truth so horrfic from her past and close to home she has to banish him, or her death will surely follow.

Like I say, I'm terrible at my own blurbs, but maybe there is something you can take from my suggestion.

Good luck with your 1st book.

.
 

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First thing, congrats on the book :) It's a huge thing to get that first book out there, so seriously, that's awesome. I have a few suggestions, but take it with a grain of salt. If you ask 10 writers about a blurb, you will get 10 different blurbs. I think if I was going over it, I'd slightly reorder things. Something like:

The eyes see it all
The mirror reflects it

Ivie fears the person she sees when she looks at the mirror. At age twelve she saw death, and ever since, only one thing is there, looking back at her through the glass. The faceless creature who hunts her dreams.
"Who is this creature?"
"Why does it do what it does?"
Ivie asks herself these questions, but the only answer she ever gets back is fear. A fear that her parent's death was not an accident. A fear that the faceless creature took her best friend. A fear that maybe Ivie could have saved them. And, worse than any of them, a fear of unanswered questions.

But again, that's just me. After picking over my blurbs so many times, it's honestly a little hard to read other people's without being nitpicky. So, sorry about it :) I really like the ideas you've got, and the book sounds exciting! Best of luck with everything.
 

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Congratulations on finishing a book! You're already ahead of many people.

However...there's also the issue of basic grammar, typos, and English usage. I won't go into depth here, but anything not correct in a blurb will probably convince the prospective reader the book will also have similar issues.

If English is not your first language, you probably need a good native speaking editor to help you out.

If it is, then it will pay to work on your fundamentals before trying to sell a book online. Just as you, as a consumer, want a product that delivers quality, you must, as an author, create a product that delivers quality, if you expect to build a following and sell books.

Cheers.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I'm terrible at my own blurbs, even though I know what they are meant to convey.

First of all welcome to kindleboards as a new author.

In this case, I would want to name the MC. Identify the conflict and what raises the stakes in ovecoming the antagonist who creates the conlfict, both externally and the fear within - all without giving the story away, such as her parents death.

In this case I'd have a stab at horror as the genre.

I would say the blurb as you have it is confusing and gives too much away.

Starting with the log line, it doesn't tell me anything. Whose eyes? What does it reflect? If you are to use a log line, it needs to draw the reader in right away to read on. In the suggested log line below, I've made it ambiguous as to whether the evil resides within her or in the mirror. Just remember that a blurb is one of perceptions to create interest in the reader's mind, and the story itself is one of discovery.

Maybe. Ivies' eyes see death - She lives in fear - Her mirror reflects the evil within

Ivie has a power that she would wish on no one. The faceless Soul Reaper haunts her dreams and every waking hour when she sees the demons' image in her mirror and death follows in her close circle.

When her best friend dies at his hands, he is getting closer to her. Tightening the noose of the fear of her own death at his evil hands. Ivie must face her fears and the Soul Reaper head on if she is not to meet the same fate, but he just won't let go.

In her quest to find why the demon stalks her, she discovers a truth. A truth so horrfic from her past and close to home she has to banish him, or her death will surely follow.

Like I say, I'm terrible at my own blurbs, but maybe there is something you can take from my suggestion.

Good luck with your 1st book.

.
Thank you
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
But the thing is whenever she look at the mirr
I'm terrible at my own blurbs, even though I know what they are meant to convey.

First of all welcome to kindleboards as a new author.

In this case, I would want to name the MC. Identify the conflict and what raises the stakes in ovecoming the antagonist who creates the conlfict, both externally and the fear within - all without giving the story away, such as her parents death.

In this case I'd have a stab at horror as the genre.

I would say the blurb as you have it is confusing and gives too much away.

Starting with the log line, it doesn't tell me anything. Whose eyes? What does it reflect? If you are to use a log line, it needs to draw the reader in right away to read on. In the suggested log line below, I've made it ambiguous as to whether the evil resides within her or in the mirror. Just remember that a blurb is one of perceptions to create interest in the reader's mind, and the story itself is one of discovery.

Maybe. Ivies' eyes see death - She lives in fear - Her mirror reflects the evil within

Ivie has a power that she would wish on no one. The faceless Soul Reaper haunts her dreams and every waking hour when she sees the demons' image in her mirror and death follows in her close circle.

When her best friend dies at his hands, he is getting closer to her. Tightening the noose of the fear of her own death at his evil hands. Ivie must face her fears and the Soul Reaper head on if she is not to meet the same fate, but he just won't let go.

In her quest to find why the demon stalks her, she discovers a truth. A truth so horrfic from her past and close to home she has to banish him, or her death will surely follow.

Like I say, I'm terrible at my own blurbs, but maybe there is something you can take from my suggestion.

Good luck with your 1st book.

.
Thank you very much but when you rewrite my blurd you said she saw the faceless creature any time she look at the mirror,I want to tell you that it was not the faceless creature she sees any time she look at the mirror, she always see a dead woman that look like her any time she look at the mirror
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Congratulations on finishing a book! You're already ahead of many people.

However...there's also the issue of basic grammar, typos, and English usage. I won't go into depth here, but anything not correct in a blurb will probably convince the prospective reader the book will also have similar issues.

If English is not your first language, you probably need a good native speaking editor to help you out.

If it is, then it will pay to work on your fundamentals before trying to sell a book online. Just as you, as a consumer, want a product that delivers quality, you must, as an author, create a product that delivers quality, if you expect to build a following and sell books.

Cheers.
Thank you but is my English really bad 😔
 

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Thank you but is my English really bad 😔
If English is your second language, it's very good! I live in a country with 2 official languages and spent 3 years in public school having to learn the second. Yet the best I can do about 5 sentences.

But yes, there are multiple problems with your grammar and punctuation. So hiring a professional English speaking editor is a very good idea. Constructive criticism from them will hurt a lot less than what your reviewers might say.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Ok
If English is your second language, it's very good! I live in a country with 2 official languages and spent 3 years in public school having to learn the second. Yet the best I can do about 5 sentences.

But yes, there are multiple problems with your grammar and punctuation. So hiring a professional English speaking editor is a very good idea. Constructive criticism from them will hurt a lot less than what your reviewers might say.
Thank you😌
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Ok
If English is your second language, it's very good! I live in a country with 2 official languages and spent 3 years in public school having to learn the second. Yet the best I can do about 5 sentences.

But yes, there are multiple problems with your grammar and punctuation. So hiring a professional English speaking editor is a very good idea. Constructive criticism from them will hurt a lot less than what your reviewers might say.
Thank you😌
 

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Thank you but is my English really bad 😔
It's okay for communication purposes, but not for publishing a book. Readers expect books they buy to be up to a professional standard of English and yours isn't anywhere near that level yet. If you publish now you'll be setting yourself up for few sales and poor reviews.

As ImaWriter said, for a second language you're doing really well. I'm like her - I live in a bilingual country, took French for six years, and the best I can do is to say hello, goodbye, thank you, $hit, and ask where the toilet is - so I applaud your effort in writing a book that's not in your native language. You're clearly not afraid of some hard work, so apply that determination to improving your English and I know you'll get there.
 

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Thank you but is my English really bad 😔
Don't worry about flubs. Every couple months I look back at my blurbs and each and every time I think, yesh, what was I even trying to say? It's just a thing with blurbs. We try to perfect this little jumble of words, and sometimes that can be harder than putting out chapter on chapter. I don't think your English is bad at all. I think blurbs are hard :)
 

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You will certainly benefit from a native English speaker helping you with grammar and sentence construction. If you are targeting an English-speaking audience then you should seek some assistance to improve.

Thank you but is my English really bad 😔
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·

You will certainly benefit from a native English speaker helping you with grammar and sentence construction. If you are targeting an English-speaking audience then you should seek some assistance to improve.
Ok
Thank you
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Don't worry about flubs. Every couple months I look back at my blurbs and every time I think, yeah, what was I even trying to say? It's just a thing with blurbs. We try to perfect this little jumble of words, and sometimes that can be harder than putting out the chapter on the chapter. I don't think your English is bad at all. I think blurbs are hard :)
You are right, writing a book blurb is harder than writing the whole book
 

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Hello! I am also new to the writer scene, but I think your idea sounds great. The grammar is a bit off. You might just want to shorten it and make it more concise. I love the idea, though, and I would definitely want to read that sort of story. Good luck and let us know when it is available!! :)
 
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